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Confused & Lost *DILEMA* - Not sure what to do! Please Help!! Watch

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    Ok, well here's my problem.

    I'm a guy with little confidence in regards to girls as I'm fat and am pretty shy but girls usually like me for just a friend which irritates me. However, thats because I'm a nice guy and they like me for that.

    Anyway, I just joined university and have been getting to know lots of people which is great! Anyway, I was with one of my new friends and she took me to her house to do some work which was fine. However, I met her two house mates and just hit it off with them straight away which was kl.

    So, I started spending time at there's due to work and as I have become really close mates with all three of them. However, one of the girls I have got to know has nearly identical tastes to me and likes everything I do which is good. I realised that I'm drawn to her personality more than her looks (even though she is a pretty girl) and now I can't get her out of my head.

    When I'm with her, I feel so good - like we are so close and to be honnest, she is always very close with me so I am not sure if she is flirting with me or just being a very close friend, if that makes sense to people reading this. I could tell this girl anything and vice-versa - there's so much trust between us.

    Now, I really want to ask her out but I don't want to ruin my friendship with her as she makes me so happy just being around her and its the same with her in regards to being around me. There are times where there are like very small hints that she likes me than more than a friend but then there are also big hints that she likes me JUST for a friend (for example: my m8 decided to be a dumb ass and embarrass us both by saying you two should hook up and she said "no, we just like each other as good friends") However, she was embarressed when she said that so I don't know if that was a typical reaction to be put on the spot in front of lots of people etc!!

    The funny thing was that she brought one of her best/closest friends around who seemed to know everything about me (which makes me think she has been chatting about me)

    Its like, I like this girl so much that I never even had a look at her looks properly until I realised that I loved her personality so much. Once my mate told me about her looks, then I realised she was a stunning girl which makes it so hard to decide on what I should do!!

    I don't know what to do, how else could I find out if I should ask her out without actually ruining our friendship? Please help as this is killing me thinking about it!:o:
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    57 views and nothing - I must be screwed!

    Can anyone help?
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    Yeah man, and i know a lot of girls are gonna NEG REP ME for this! but i have to say it. If your fat, lose the weight. A guy's relationship with a girl can go two ways. If your personality is compatible and they''re attracted to eachother they start dating. If their personalities are compatible but not attracted to eachother or at least one is not attracted to the other then they are FRIENDS.

    And im not insulting girls, its just human nature, you have to be attracted to your partner. If looks didnt matter i'd date guys. but im not attracted to guys...at all...im attracted to girls. Thing is i get along with guys more... See my point? Looks DO matter.

    Im not sure you have a shot man, i've had plenty of friends who were kind of over weight and in your situation, and they all got rejected. Not ONE made it. Unless the girl isnt very attractive your chances are slim. On that subject, I suggest you hit the gym every now and again. It does wonders with your health and improves your chances incredibly. Maybe try asking her out after you get fit :P


    Sorry you must think im an ass but its kinda the truth mate.
    If you wanna try it like this, look for obvious hints. Is she more anxious/nervous when shes around you? does she sometimes make silly jokes or say silly things in an attempt at humor although its not really funny? Does she touch you lightly on the shoulder or hand from time to time, while gazing into your eyes? :P ( i know cheesy but yeah ). Does she ask you to do stuff or initiates conversations with you such as saying hello or calling your cell? Does she play with your hair when shes around you? or choose to sit next to you? All obvious hints. Look for them and get back to us.
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    (Original post by Zamolxes)
    Yeah man, and i know a lot of girls are gonna NEG REP ME for this! but i have to say it. If your fat, lose the weight. A guy's relationship with a girl can go two ways. If your personality is compatible and they''re attracted to eachother they start dating. If their personalities are compatible but not attracted to eachother or at least one is not attracted to the other then they are FRIENDS.

    And im not insulting girls, its just human nature, you have to be attracted to your partner. If looks didnt matter i'd date guys. but im not attracted to guys...at all...im attracted to girls. Thing is i get along with guys more... See my point? Looks DO matter.

    Im not sure you have a shot man, i've had plenty of friends who were kind of over weight and in your situation, and they all got rejected. Not ONE made it. Unless the girl isnt very attractive your chances are slim. On that subject, I suggest you hit the gym every now and again. It does wonders with your health and improves your chances incredibly. Maybe try asking her out after you get fit :P


    Sorry you must think im an ass but its kinda the truth mate.
    If you wanna try it like this, look for obvious hints. Is she more anxious/nervous when shes around you? does she sometimes make silly jokes or say silly things in an attempt at humor although its not really funny? Does she touch you lightly on the shoulder or hand from time to time, while gazing into your eyes? :P ( i know cheesy but yeah ). Does she ask you to do stuff or initiates conversations with you such as saying hello or calling your cell? Does she play with your hair when shes around you? or choose to sit next to you? All obvious hints. Look for them and get back to us.
    Thanks for your honnest opinion.

    Well she does make convo with me - like she always initates convo's with me even when there are others around. Its like she always talks to me first which makes this so confusing. Yes she does ask me to do things and she's always complimenting me - for example: saying I have great style, she loves my car, she thinks I'm so funny and smart.

    She does sit next to me but not many times tbh cause it seems she is shy to do it - its rarely she does it and thats when we get really close

    Man, this is so hard!
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    any other tips or help?
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    you have to remember as well that even if she is attracted to you she might not want anything to happen because of it. if i'm really honest i think you should either get on with being friends with her or just distance yourself a bit because it doesn't sound like anything's going to happen. sorry that sounds super harsh but i mean, why get yourself all tangled up because of one person? she's not the only girl in the world you know.
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    I think you should ask her in this way, and only when you are alone.

    You: Let's just say, hypothetically, I was to ask you out, what would you, hypothetically of course, say?

    Her: I'd say ......

    If she said "I'd say yes" you'd be happy.

    If she said "I'd say no" they you say

    Well it's lucky it hypothetical then isn't it?

    Don't mention it again after that and you'll still be her friend. Even if she says "no" it will put the idea into her head and she might say "yes" eventually. Don't worry about the weight that doesn't make the difference to a sensible girl who likes you.
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    NAh thats kinda lame :P, Heres waht i'd do if i were you. Lets give her a name. Amber. k.

    Hey amber look erm...theres no easy way to say this so im just gonna say it. I like you, as...probably more than a friend. The thing is, i didn't want to say anything untill now because i really like you as a friend as well. Any way....if you like me too...thats cool, if not.. thats cool too, i realy enjoy being your friend.

    OR you can use the greatest pickup line ever.
    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KDwZsaWb6pY

    Whichever...
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    (Original post by talon1579)
    I think you should ask her in this way, and only when you are alone.

    You: Let's just say, hypothetically, I was to ask you out, what would you, hypothetically of course, say?

    Her: I'd say ......

    If she said "I'd say yes" you'd be happy.

    If she said "I'd say no" they you say

    Well it's lucky it hypothetical then isn't it?

    Don't mention it again after that and you'll still be her friend. Even if she says "no" it will put the idea into her head and she might say "yes" eventually. Don't worry about the weight that doesn't make the difference to a sensible girl who likes you.

    THIS.

    What the first adviser suggested is not true if one is handsome/ has a style/ is unique etc, then being overweight can trail off into the background. There are loads of scenarios, comes down to the girl too and also someone's looks can dramatically improve once you get to know the person. Of course you will decide/ will be judged on the basis of looks if you're in a nightclub, but in this situation it is by no means as straightforward..

    I suggest you go with what the person I quoted advised, the best advice... Best of luck.
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    What i said is not true? A LOT of girls are offput by excess weight. Im sorry, its just life. Especially where i used to live before. What i spoke is the truth. I only gave examples of real life stories. No one can know how she will react. I'm just showing him the possibilities. Its the truth nothing more.
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    I'm trying not to sound patronising, but when you get to be as old as I am, you realise that surface stuff (like being beautiful and skinny) is truly not as important as personality and compatability. Of course you still have to fancy the person. I'm thinking that she's going to say "yes" though. Maybe start off dating kind of secretly and if it works out then she can tell her friends.
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    (Original post by Notsure2008)
    any other tips or help?
    I'd just like to reassure you a bit...not all girls are totally shallow!

    The guy I am hopelessly unrequitedly into is actually pretty cuddly himself.

    His friends are always making comments about how 'fat' he is etc. but I think he is totally hot *drools*...so there

    Although I will never be confident enough to make a move on him
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    That doesnt mean looks dont interest you. It just means you have a fetish for fat guys :P theres a difference evenstar. Know it!
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    thanks for all the opinions - bit confused on what to go on!

    what kind of things can I do to flirt with her to show her I'm interested without actually saying it to her face?
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    Just tell her, You're not a girl. Girls flirt to hint to a guy they're interested so that the guy asks them out. You dont need to hint. You ask. Period. Just do what i mentioned above. That way she wont feel any pressure, and if its a no, you can still be good friends, so you're back where u started.
 
 
 
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