Heart broken and its ruining uni :-(

Could be bit of a long (and typical) story so I'll try and keep short and sweet!

Basically I'm in my first year at Uni, and the week before I moved here my boyfriend ended it with me.

Now this boyfriend was alot older thought I needed to just "enjoy" uni. However instead of just telling me this he just didnt answer his phone when we were supposed to meet or communicate with me for 2 weeks. Then he sent me a message explaining and we were talking for a while via texts.

The first 2 week sof uni I didnt cope very well but through myself into all the freshers fun, menaing I didnt really have a chance to realise how much I missed him.

However after this period I was alright for a while since we were talking- and just a short text a day was all I needed really, I was happy as!

But now he wont talk to me at all- fair enough guess he wants to move.....but I can't :frown:

We were together for 2 yeaers and worked at topshop together.....I miss the job and him so much I just want to cry. I have been lucky and made soem amazing friends at Uni, but I dont want to bore them by constantly talking about this ex. We do speak about it, but if I were to talk about him to the extent I want to....lets just say i'd have no friends left.

I'm keeping on top of the work, and going out a few times a week but I'm just not happy. Im in tears now just thinking about him...I've accepted we wont get back together...but everything we do I just imagine him there, and how much more I would enjoy it if he was. I feel like any security I've ever had has just been ripped away. I just want a hug from him right now :frown:

He was my first boyfriend, first real love.....Im not sure what Im looking for from this post, probably just someone to tell me I will be happy again one day. I've cried myself to sleep every nighty for 5 weeks, is this normal?! :frown:

I just miss him so so so much.

Any suggestions on how to distract myself would also be appreciated :smile:

Reply 1

catoutofthebag

13

I was in a similar situation. My bf ended it with me the week before uni and for weeks I was miserable and would have given anything for him to take me back. We would text all the time and I told him I really missed him etc, but we got to talking and I realised I HAD to move on, I couldn't just spend all my time feeling miserable and love sick. I knew I was past it when I started to be attracted to other boys. I still have some feelings for my ex but I am a lot happier now. Try talking to other boys, you never know you might meet someone who will sweep you off your feet and you'll forget all about your ex.

Reply 2

Hatra

You just need to hang in there. I know you've probably heard this already, but it does get better over time. There are many people who've been in similar situations, and while it really hurts at first, and it may hurt when you least expect it to - it does get better. :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you both for replying!
I know,its already getting a little better....I'm seeing bad points which I never noticed before and I know in future I'll look back and wonder why I ever cried over him....just wish it would hurry up!
I'm also a little bit scared I dont wan tt move on if that makes sense?? Theres a little bit of me which wants the hurt to stop for now, have a bit of fun until christmas then when I go home he'll realise he was wrong?!
Its horrible I'm really scared I wont beable to move on with thoughts like that...but I cant get rid of them :frown:

Reply 4

Zamolxes

10

Hey im sorry to break this to you but you're being unreasonable. People who are " in love" are usually unreasonable. They did tests on this and determined that the actions of some one in love could be compared to a crazy person. That being said...look at the bigger picture. You're in uni. Go out with other guys, you need experience, be happy, these are the best years of your life. You'll have enough time to settle down afterwards. If you were with one person all through uni and then years and years after for the rest of your life...trust me...it would get bad. You would regret not have seen other people, wondered what if, wondered what if the grass is greener on the other side. Use this as an opportunity to be happy. It's a great chance, don't mess it up.

Also as an expert in all fields. If you are negative in your mind, and you keep giving yourself reasons to be negative and sad then you are going to be sad a long time. Look at the good points of this and act happy, smile and have positive thoughts. Be greatful at this chance and at life. You will soon start feeling happy and get over this quickly.
Thats just my " expert " ( not really ) opinion. And it works...its been tested, many psychologists and psychiatrists vouched for this. Happiness is just a state of mind OP.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Zamolxes

. That being said...look at the bigger picture. You're in uni. Go out with other guys, you need experience, be happy, these are the best years of your life. You'll have enough time to settle down afterwards. If you were with one person all through uni and then years and years after for the rest of your life...trust me...it would get bad. You would regret not have seen other people, wondered what if, wondered what if the grass is greener on the other side. Use this as an opportunity to be happy. It's a great chance, don't mess it up.

With this in mind I've just agreed to go out tonight, so thank you! :smile:

I know what you said above is true.... and I think this why I don't dislike he as I would do if he had just ended it for no reason. I think the big age difference is why me and him are seeing this differently (I'm 18 and he's 28) and I still fully don't understand what he means by having fun at uni.... I still think I could have loads of fun with a boyfriend, but your right maybe aswell make the most of the single life now its been chosen for me!

Just wish it didnt hurt so much everytime I think of him, I want this to hurry up and end now....

Reply 6

Zamolxes

10

Just be positive and have fun. You will regret it in time...if you don't. Also.. 18 and 28..thats kinda messed up. Seriously. Lol. I really don't see a future in that. I'm sorry if im acting shallow but. When im 50-60, I don't want my wife to be dead...u know what i mean? I actually DO wanna grow old together..not her dying a lot before me.

Also if you take into account that guys live 8-10 years less then women...yeah.
My other argument...is WTF! If i saw the guy i'd hit him hard. Seriously a 28 year old guy with an 18 year old girl. I'm sorry but thats kinda pedo. I know you dont think it is but i wouldnt go out with a girl 8 years younger. Mainly because she would be a minor LOL! but still...i hope you get my point. I think its kinda messed up.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

lol yes we got that from my parents, especially since I was only 16 when we started going out! But we worked together for 3 months before we started going out, so we'd been spending 20 hours together every week. It wasnt some random club hookup, he was my best friend and knew me inside out!
I'd never even really considered what other people though until just now, bit too in love to care... it just did work somehow....I wonder what he thinks looking back on it now....

Reply 8

Zamolxes

10

I think the guy needs to get a list and write down some morals on it. He clearly has none and aquiring some might be a good idea. Sorry im attacking your ex but it's a seriously messed up situation. At 26 i'd never consider dating a minor, thats just messed up beyond belief. Plus, maybe he dumped you cuz your an adult now? Maybe he prefers the " younger stuff" lol...sorry but its really messed up, i think he did you a favor.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Zamolxes

I think the guy needs to get a list and write down some morals on it. He clearly has none and aquiring some might be a good idea. Sorry im attacking your ex but it's a seriously messed up situation. At 26 i'd never consider dating a minor, thats just messed up beyond belief. Plus, maybe he dumped you cuz your an adult now? Maybe he prefers the " younger stuff" lol...sorry but its really messed up, i think he did you a favor.

I agree with you. :yep:

Reply 10

catoutofthebag

13

Agreed.

Reply 11

4x4

10

Zamolxes

I think the guy needs to get a list and write down some morals on it. He clearly has none and aquiring some might be a good idea. Sorry im attacking your ex but it's a seriously messed up situation. At 26 i'd never consider dating a minor, thats just messed up beyond belief. Plus, maybe he dumped you cuz your an adult now? Maybe he prefers the " younger stuff" lol...sorry but its really messed up, i think he did you a favor.

anon cause this type of stuff makes me very easily recocnizable and I'd like friends on here not to know this is my account.

My grandfather was 17 years older than my grandmother. She was swept off her feet by him when she was 17 and they got married at the age of 21. I know my grandmother's parents found it a bit weird, but when they saw he made her happy, they understood it didn't matter. They had a wonderful life together, and even though my grandfather is now dead, my grandmother has never doubted her choice. She actually thanks God every night for having been with him and told me that if she talked as much about him as she wanted with her friends, she wouldn't have any friends left.

Now you may say that if she would have picked someone who was her age, her husband might still be alive. But you should cherish what you have had, and she had a wonderful life, mainly thanks to him.

If you really love someone, age is a number and should be disregarded. I'd say that what the guy did was certainly a favour to the OP, and probably shows that he loves her. He realizes that he can't give her everything, and so sacrificed their relationship so she'll enjoy university better.

Anyway, in conclusion:
Age is just a number, it doesn't have anything to do with love (assuming both partners are old enough to know what they're doing). Stop judging everyone who has an older/younger partner, it might be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Reply 12

Zamolxes

10

Age is a number? your saying that if i dated a 12 year old it would be okay? thats really messed up man. Its not a question of being shallow but at one point its just too much. Espacially if you start dating them when they are still a minor. That looks a bit too pedobear for my tastes. Can you spell jail bait?

P.S - You forgot to " check " anon.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

I know some people might have had strong opinions about our age gap but it didnt bother either of us, we were in love and thats about it really....was a few strange moments and it probably freake dhim out more than me but it never caused any arguements....I've always been more mature for my age (not that that is going to make laot of difference at 16 mind) and had been drinking and partying since I was 14 so didnt even mind missing that for him......

But I'm having bit of a crisis now Im getting ready to go out! Im wanting ot stay in and cuddle up watching stupid films....not sure if I can handle socialising.... and just found out that I've lost a friend through our split up.... but maybe I'll meet the love of my life tonight lol :frown:

Reply 14

Mango24

14

Zamolxes

I think the guy needs to get a list and write down some morals on it. He clearly has none and aquiring some might be a good idea. Sorry im attacking your ex but it's a seriously messed up situation. At 26 i'd never consider dating a minor, thats just messed up beyond belief. Plus, maybe he dumped you cuz your an adult now? Maybe he prefers the " younger stuff" lol...sorry but its really messed up, i think he did you a favor.

i agree

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

I went out and had so much fun on friday, even met a boy who I'm texting at the moment!
I miss him so much right now though :-( And becuase we havent fallen out the temptation to text him is so bad, I get butterflies everytime I get a text hoping it's from him....think I'm going to get some work done to distract myself....:-(

Heart broken and its ruining uni :-(

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