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    IOP Short Story (It's about the holocaust seen from a young child and I'm going to link it to the reader...what do you think? Is it any good? It's not finished by the way...

    The rain never seemed to stop as it pounded heavily against the window. My eyes followed the trails of the liquid as it stained the glass. The glow from the candle swept across my face, my eyes wide and glistening in the light. It was dark outside possibly too dark to see anything clearly, even with a light. What scared me was the lightning that flashed across the abyss-it tore the fabric to a new reality that had been hidden from me. Perhaps I was naive to not see it, too young? I can still feel the ice under my feet as they touched the floorboards, the smell of burning fire wood wafting through my room, and the brief feeling of safety when the soft blanket encircled my small fingers as it was crushed against my palm weeks before. It was strange I felt guilty for not doing something anything but what could I do?
    ‘’Aya.’’ I heard a faint call and pushed it aside. Still stunned by what was happening outside. Even though I knew the voice I didn’t care, I couldn’t-not now. The faint sound of heels against the ground awoke me from my thoughts. I turned as the door was opening.
    ‘’ What are you doing up at this hour?’’ I didn’t reply. My mind elsewhere.
    ‘’Aya?’’ She seemed worried or maybe she was just tired.
    ‘’I couldn’t sleep.’’ My voice cold and hushed as it mixed with the silence. My attention back on the window.
    ‘’You need to cheer up Aya…you’re acting different I miss that smile of yours.’’ I heard the whisper as the door closed behind him. How could I not have changed when everyone around me had changed? I couldn’t recognize most of them. All the friends I knew were disappearing one after another and I was left. They never told me were they were going-they disappeared over night. During the day this reality was covered up by crowds, we never thought about what was happening not that they were careful and secretive about it because they weren’t-we all turned a blind eye. At night it was always seen. We weren’t allowed out past eight and I couldn’t process what was happening around me. Everything merged together into a mass that I couldn’t interpret. What was I to do when the life I grew to know suddenly turned into a dream and my nightmares turned into a reality? I flinched…they were doing it again. What right did they have? I don’t care who they were to me they have no right. What proof is there though? I’m just a kid I wouldn’t be able to stop them I’d only end up going with the others.
    My hand placed firmly against the window, my head just above the window latch. It was almost morning, I didn’t sleep that much anymore the images and sounds were there, they were always there, waiting to be seen or heard by anyone who would listen. The light was shielded by the rain and storm clouds and I knew that it would stay that way for some time. The only way I knew it was going to be morning was that he was home. He was never late and always did what he was told. I never did run up to greet him when he came home like my brother, I didn’t like the smell… it scared me. It didn’t seem to bother him or maybe it did he just hid it from us. I never understood what he does at work-how he can be smiling, then again I don’t understand a lot about what’s happening around us. You couldn’t be you anymore you had to look, act, and think a certain way-that’s what one of my friends said before leaving. I tried to do what they say but when your twelve none of this makes sense…you copy-do what others around you are doing. Maybe that’s what everyone else is doing, what my dad is doing. Just following orders doing his job. No, that was too simple.
    ‘’You’re up early.’’ I turn around to face him. He’s smiling-I tried to smile back. I’m trying to be nice but out of this whole family I’m the only one who has a hard time with what he does- they all accept it. I couldn’t.
    ‘’Couldn’t sleep.’’ I couldn’t look at him…ironically he did the work and I felt ashamed and guilty. No one saw it but me no one wanted to see it. I didn’t have a choice. I asked too many questions and got one too many answers.
    ‘’That’s not all.’’ No room for argument. He was always straight to the point. I stayed silent he didn’t know I knew-suspected but didn’t know. The silence was horrible maybe it was due to the fact that I was tired but couldn’t sleep or maybe it was the fact that I wanted to know. It didn’t matter in the end-I already broke it.
    ‘’Why?’’ The uncertainty in my voice clear.
    ‘’Why what, Aya?’’ I stared up at him-eyes never meeting his.
    ‘’Your job, why do you do it-the things you do to them?’’ I wanted to laugh, he looked so shocked. Did he think no one outside of his work would pick up on it? A young girl at that.
    ‘’How do you…Never mind…Aya it’s my job I have to…its better then the alternative.’’ No he didn’t I could tell he was hiding something…did he enjoy it?
    ‘’What …’’ I was cut off by the sound of a door and being left alone again. I knew what the alternative was. It was a hard choice but isn’t he doing to others what he’s trying to save us from? Were we really that much better then others just because of who’s child we are-we didn’t have a choice in what we look like, or what our background is so why are they making it they’re fault.
    Outside the rain had stopped but the clouds still covered up the sun. Few were out-it reminded me of a ghost town. In all rights it probably was or would be soon. There are a few people walking around and they all look so happy all but one. This boy around my age…he looked dazed and lost. He was wearing that symbol my parents said to avoid-the ones all my friends wore before leaving. I didn’t understand what the symbol meant-so why avoid it? I stood in front of the boy and he stared at me in what looked a kin to fear. He was afraid of me. He started crying ‘’you’’ as if he knew me but his words held so much hate confusion it was unbelievable. This is what my people were doing to these people? Breaking them. No one else seemed to notice how he ran past while crying-invisible. They didn’t care-never do. I ran after him concerned only to be pulled back.
    ‘’Leave him, kid.’’ I know that voice, my aunt.
    ‘’Why?’’ I stared at were the kid went.
    ‘’He’s not worth it.’’ I was shocked how could she say that she didn’t even know him! I shrugged her arm off and ran after him. I didn’t care none of this was right. By the time I reached were the kid was my boots were soaked through. I saw him he was struggling against some men, they were wearing some sort of uniform-the kind I see my dad wear each day. I saw as the locked the latch that secured the heavy metal doors locking the boy in.
    ‘’Wh-what you doing?’’ I ran to the truck and attempted in opening the latch only to be thrown back. They were laughing .
    ‘’Let him go. He didn’t do anything!’’ I wouldn’t let them do this it wasn’t fair.
    ‘’Get out of out way before you join your little friend here-your lucky we know your father.’’ They drove off leaving me standing in the middle of the street.
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    Hmm.. Okay.

    First of all, the formatting. It's really painful on the eyes. Line breaks are good.

    Secondly, you can't really tell what this is a response to. (Then again, your teacher would.) Maybe some implicit references to your time period would be nice. For all I know, this could be the Cold War.

    Thirdly, you use a lot of ellipses. It ruins the impact slightly. But that's just me nitpicking.

    Fourthly, what exactly is the criteria? I thought IoPs had to be an Oral Presentation...

    Anyway, on a more positive note, it's not bad. I like the dialogue and the way you explore the character's view. But it is harder to connect when there's a wall of text without line breaks. (MS Word you can indent, TSR not so much.)

    Keep it up!
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    (Original post by Aloysius)
    Hmm.. Okay.

    First of all, the formatting. It's really painful on the eyes. Line breaks are good.

    Secondly, you can't really tell what this is a response to. (Then again, your teacher would.) Maybe some implicit references to your time period would be nice. For all I know, this could be the Cold War.

    Thirdly, you use a lot of ellipses. It ruins the impact slightly. But that's just me nitpicking.

    Fourthly, what exactly is the criteria? I thought IoPs had to be an Oral Presentation...

    Anyway, on a more positive note, it's not bad. I like the dialogue and the way you explore the character's view. But it is harder to connect when there's a wall of text without line breaks. (MS Word you can indent, TSR not so much.)

    Keep it up!
    sorry about the spacing...TSR seemed to have messed it up...I just looked back at the story and I realized I posted part of one I made last year(It was really late and I was half asleep:rolleyes: )...

    If I post up the right one (with spaces:p: ) would you tell me how it is.

    It is an oral presentation but I'm writing a short story for it that I'll say and then talk about the links. No criteria given all it said was write something that links to another story and then explain...that's all we were given anyway.

    Also I know I'm asking a lot already but how long do you think it should be about for an oral presentation (page wise-just an estimate is all I need)... I'm new to the IB/country so I want to make a good impression
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    For the IoP in our school, we selected a section of our novel/poem and just analysed it to bits. Line by line, personal opinion, etc. Get the marking criteria and stick to it. It's 20 marks for good content and actually knowing the next! (I believe it's 5 for Knowing and Understanding, 10 for Language Analysis, 10 for Personal Evaluation and 5 for Presentation.)

    Don't do the entire novel. Choose a good part, relate it to what comes before, after and the theme as a whole, and then analyse it. To be honest, I think writing a new story is kinda overdoing it a bit. Do note that IB never actually hear your IoP... Your IoP is moderated by IB based on your Individual Oral Commentary (IoC).

    The IoP itself is 15 minutes. It's recommended to do a 12 min presentation with 3 min for Q&A with your teacher/audience.

    So, no hard feelings, but I personally think the story isn't the best way to approach it. Do explore it if you want, but be aware that you need to hit the criteria on the markscheme.
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    (Original post by Aloysius)
    For the IoP in our school, we selected a section of our novel/poem and just analysed it to bits. Line by line, personal opinion, etc. Get the marking criteria and stick to it. It's 20 marks for good content and actually knowing the next! (I believe it's 5 for Knowing and Understanding, 10 for Language Analysis, 10 for Personal Evaluation and 5 for Presentation.)

    Don't do the entire novel. Choose a good part, relate it to what comes before, after and the theme as a whole, and then analyse it. To be honest, I think writing a new story is kinda overdoing it a bit. Do note that IB never actually hear your IoP... Your IoP is moderated by IB based on your Individual Oral Commentary (IoC).

    The IoP itself is 15 minutes. It's recommended to do a 12 min presentation with 3 min for Q&A with your teacher/audience.

    So, no hard feelings, but I personally think the story isn't the best way to approach it. Do explore it if you want, but be aware that you need to hit the criteria on the markscheme.
    Thanxs so much for taking the time to post on the thread (no one seems to reply to mine) once again...:jumphug: yeah I thought short story would be good before I started it and need to stick with it...ah well no harm done right.

    I was thinking of saying a section of the story and use audio aid in the background (made of sounds that relate to what I'm saying ex rain or sounnd of rusty pipes in cells) to make it stand out and more interesting (Is that a bad idea) and then after this I was thinking of using a power point to highlight smaller parts of the text that are significant to what I want to show and then go into detail saying why I wrote this and why I wrote that and how it links to The Reader. Depending on how long this takes I'll see what uestions I get...Going to time it later this week so....Sound somewhat organized?
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    Sorry I haven't been on for some time. IB work. Gosh. Okay.

    Hm. It's definitely a creative way to approach the question. However, I will say though, is it too complicated? Because the problem is that if you start off complicated you risk losing your core message. If you can pull it off, great! However, there are easier ways of getting a 7, and I would definitely recommend those ways.

    I'm don't know the text you're going to present on (the original one), but I'll I did watch one of my friends doing it on a novel. What he did was to just take a chapter and break it down line by line. He got a high 6 for it (he lacked personal response). There is a criteria about how ordered your presentation is, and I'm worried if you do a short story response, you might find it hard to structure the presentation clearly.

    I'd recommend getting a friend who has not read your story and ask them to watch and critique it. If they understand what you're trying to say clearly, then it works. If not, I'd recommend changing tack. Don't spend too much time on the IoP. In IB, you have other things you also need to focus on. :yep:
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    (Original post by Aloysius)
    Sorry I haven't been on for some time. IB work. Gosh. Okay.

    Hm. It's definitely a creative way to approach the question. However, I will say though, is it too complicated? Because the problem is that if you start off complicated you risk losing your core message. If you can pull it off, great! However, there are easier ways of getting a 7, and I would definitely recommend those ways.

    I'm don't know the text you're going to present on (the original one), but I'll I did watch one of my friends doing it on a novel. What he did was to just take a chapter and break it down line by line. He got a high 6 for it (he lacked personal response). There is a criteria about how ordered your presentation is, and I'm worried if you do a short story response, you might find it hard to structure the presentation clearly.

    I'd recommend getting a friend who has not read your story and ask them to watch and critique it. If they understand what you're trying to say clearly, then it works. If not, I'd recommend changing tack. Don't spend too much time on the IoP. In IB, you have other things you also need to focus on. :yep:

    thanxs. I was looking at 'The Reader' can't spell who wrote it though:rolleyes:
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    The story itself is great, but i'm not sure how it would work as IOP...you'll have to be reading it to the class? that would take up precious time, the time which you're supposed to be analysing. What a lot of ppl in my class did was created an artwork and analysed that, wrote a song, wrote a skit and played it, a monologue, or something 'visual', or which has entertainment purposes. That way your audience stays focus.
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    (Original post by talespirit)
    The story itself is great, but i'm not sure how it would work as IOP...you'll have to be reading it to the class? that would take up precious time, the time which you're supposed to be analysing. What a lot of ppl in my class did was created an artwork and analysed that, wrote a song, wrote a skit and played it, a monologue, or something 'visual', or which has entertainment purposes. That way your audience stays focus.
    I've timed it and surprisingly it works...but first I'm going to read the story to the class then I'm going to analyse what I wrote and how it links to the book and Hanna's influence as a guard...I switched from my original presentation idea slightly so I hope it workd out...I'll say how it goes on Friday...
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    would adding German phrases in there be a bad idea (If I put the traslations up)???
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    Seems quite imaginative. If the translations are clear, and your Powerpoint isn't too cluttered, it's worth a try. :yep:
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    (Original post by Aloysius)
    Seems quite imaginative. If the translations are clear, and your Powerpoint isn't too cluttered, it's worth a try. :yep:
    :yep: thank you
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    Hi guys,
    the reason I'm posting is I also have my IB IOP (English Standard Level) next week!
    Best of luck ArticFlames for yours!

    Im looking at: how the feelings of loneliness, fear and hoplessness of the soldiers are presented in 'All Quiet on the Western Front' and 'Journey's End'

    As I don't really have any strong ideas about a painting or writing a poem etc, I am planning to do just a standard powerpoint presentation, with analysing and comparing the relevant language & stylistic features of the two texts.
    I'm concerned about the originality of my presentation and whether its an adequate 'personal response' as the assessment criteria stipulates it should be

    What do you guys think? Any suggestions/ improvements?
    Thanks in advance.
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    (Original post by Abzzz)
    Hi guys,
    the reason I'm posting is I also have my IB IOP (English Standard Level) next week!
    Best of luck ArticFlames for yours!

    Im looking at: how the feelings of loneliness, fear and hoplessness of the soldiers are presented in 'All Quiet on the Western Front' and 'Journey's End'

    As I don't really have any strong ideas about a painting or writing a poem etc, I am planning to do just a standard powerpoint presentation, with analysing and comparing the relevant language & stylistic features of the two texts.
    I'm concerned about the originality of my presentation and whether its an adequate 'personal response' as the assessment criteria stipulates it should be

    What do you guys think? Any suggestions/ improvements?
    Thanks in advance.

    Well since I haven't actually done mine I can't give too much advice but fromo what I've seen the people got more marks for speaking there minds and just having the presentation organized...just observations though can't say for sure:rolleyes:

    oh and thanxs Good luck on yours aswell
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    (Original post by Aloysius)
    Seems quite imaginative. If the translations are clear, and your Powerpoint isn't too cluttered, it's worth a try. :yep:

    OK I had one last question I promise:yep: would this story be a Euphemism of what actually happened...is how I wrote it like a stream of conciousness or did I get the wrong definitions...wouldn't be the first time:o: )...sorry I'll rep you again when I can...


    IOP

    It was always cold. The ceiling of the cramped cell was covered in frozen

    water, as they slowly melted away drops of water fell to the ground every

    three seconds. The constant tap, tap, tap used to annoy me to a point were

    I couldn’t sleep, I learned to find comfort in it over the time I’d been here. I

    don’t even remember what warmth felt like. Four years have passed since I

    first came here or was it four months…you lose sense of time as well as your

    identity here.

    ‘’ Steh auf! Jetzt! (StEy auff! Yetst)’’ The harsh yell woke us from our

    reverie as we involuntarily complied-it was ingrained in us now. It was hard

    to get out of the barracks with how enclosed and cramped they were

    causing us to aggravate old and new injuries and the straw bedding didn’t

    help much-we tried to keep our injuries hidden in hope of getting through this

    alive. I sometimes attempted to hide when someone stumbled but it was

    always caught by the guard who would call their number along with a few

    others during role call. Maybe they were getting the better deal in this who

    knows. My number was never called I always stood by watching the people

    you were forced to get to know, your only other companions leave due to

    lack of nutrition/no strength, injuries, or illnesses. I feel guilty that I took

    pride in getting through this day after day. Then I feel guilty realizing

    someone has to take that spot that I leave open every day. We never knew

    were they went-we suspected but never knew for sure.

    ‘’ Geh arbeiten! (GE Are-bite-en)’’ We did the same work day in and day

    out and then stood in line for the role call. It was still dark out when we got

    up. Always working-the hot sun beat against our flesh just as the flames did

    to the bodies scattered below us. The bodies scattered around us– the smell

    of chemicals, decay, and fear hovered in the air like a thick fog. Everything

    ached as we pushed/dragged/or pulled the bodies into the darkness along

    with all the others. I wanted out– I didn’t want to do this anymore. I just

    wanted a break…to rest.


    ‘’ Steh auf! (StEy auff)’’ I winced as I saw one of the people I knew from

    before being imprisoned was continuously knocked to the ground only to turn

    my head as I heard the rifle click. Someone always died during the day

    weather it was from not working fast enough, tripped, or even if they

    passed…we had to carry them back for role call later that night and then

    they’d be burned in the crematorium with the others. The guards seemed to

    love it when we were overworking our selves or when we fell over. It made

    us all wonder if they cared anything other than our misery. We worked

    moving the bodies for five hours and there were still quite a few around by

    that time. We had to finish it tomorrow.

    ‘’ Stellt euch in eine Reihe (Stellt Oyec in einer Ryer)’’ We did as we were

    told always do. I wonder if they only did this work because they were told…

    though it wouldn’t explain the smiles or the laughing that escaped as they

    saw us all get slaughtered. Looking around as I walked to were I was

    supposed to go I saw everyone there- dirt covering them as well as blood.

    There own or others I didn’t know. Didn’t want to. When I got into the row of

    ten I was meant to be standing in I stood at attention and didn’t move. We

    weren’t aloud to. They would kill us thinking or claiming that we were being

    defiant and trying to start something against them. The person in front would

    have to hold them upright until the role call was finished which sometimes

    took all night while keeping at attention. The same would happen if we

    stumbled or fainted- we’d have to get up right away or we’d be shot for the

    same reason as above. They would call out our numbers and we knew if our

    number was called all of this would end and any hope of us surviving would

    be gone. The number was printed clearly on our arms.

    ‘’zwei, acht, eins, drei, acht (zvi, act, eins, dri, act)’’ I saw someone from

    the row next to me tense-it was his number. He was escorted by an SS

    guard who roughly pushed him forward causing him to fall face first into the

    concrete ground only to be pulled back up once more and led away from the

    role call. The guards hand was able to fully wrap around his upper arm. We

    were all like that fading away to nothing- literally and figuratively. My number

    wasn’t called during the whole ten hours we were out there. A hundred

    people left and yet our numbers didn’t waver we looked as if we had lost no

    one. The ones who had survived were allowed to have something to keep

    them alive through the night or at least barley. The handed each of us a

    shallow bowl of what looked like broth and about ten grams of bread. We had

    two minutes before we had to head back to the barracks.
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    It lasted 20 minutes with questions...so nervous but they liked the story.
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    Hello! IB Work meant I haven't been able to be on TSR for a while... okay.. Hm.

    The IoP for my school was 15 minutes max. But if they let you do 20 min, well, hey. That's cool! Couldn't see much literature analysis, but it definitely is an interesting story.

    Have you already done your IoP? If not, my advice would be to add in some literature analysis. If you have, then congrats! Now relax and enjoy the time between assignments.
 
 
 

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