The Student Room Group

Advice: Dealing with Roommate hookups

How would you advice dealing with a roommate that brings casual hookups to the flat in the middle of the night waking everyone up.

I live with 2 roommates in a shared accomodation (1 girl and 1 guy). I generally get along with them all but no rules have really been established as of yet and after about 2/3 week of living with them I'm unsure how to go about established some i.e who takes the rubbish out when and who buys the loo roll next and paying back people for stuff.

In addition one of the guys ended up bringing someone over at 4:30 am causing quite a bit of noise resulting in everyone in the flat waking up, before blasting music for the next 1.5h or so.
I mean it's great that they got laid and stuff but how do I tell them to go to their hookups place next time instead and that blasting music doesn't cover any of the noise of them going at it?

P.s Just to clarify its not as if the walls are super thin either, as can generally not hear anything most days unless their being super loud i.e drilling/ constructing something.
I think you just need to communicate with them. I'm sure it might be a bit of an awkward conversation, but it's for the best. It's possible they might not even realise how loud they were! Maybe just approach them, one-on-one, and tell them that they woke you up, so if they wouldn't mind trying to be a little bit quieter when coming in during the night, or maybe going elsewhere if they want to be loud. It seems like they were maybe trying to be considerate by playing music to cover the noise, so hopefully they'll be responsive.
I hope things work out for you!
You need to have a flatmate meeting and agree that nobody can invite a guestover or bring a visitor around after a specific time of night with less than a week's notice to all the other housemates.

Your flatmate is being very inconsiderate making enough noise to wake everyone else up.
As well as quite reckless suddenly bringing random strangers into shared accomodation without any warning to the other flatmates.
If she unwittingly hooks up with a creep, crazy guy or stalkerish criminal type with a violent temper, she could be exposing all the other residents to physical danger in their shared rental accomodation as well as herself.
Original post by Anonymous
In addition one of the guys ended up bringing someone over at 4:30 am causing quite a bit of noise resulting in everyone in the flat waking up, before blasting music for the next 1.5h or so.
I mean it's great that they got laid and stuff but how do I tell them to go to their hookups place next time instead and that blasting music doesn't cover any of the noise of them going at it?


It's their home too. They're allowed to bring people home.

Just say you heard them having sex, that it woke you and the other flatmate, and a little more discretion next time would be appreciated. Don't applaud them for getting laid, like you did here. Make sure they realise it's not appropriate to be loud like that when you have housemates. And also point out that it is not okay to play music at 4:30am without headphones... that's completely disrespectful and can also lead to noise complaints from neighbours.

It's not difficult to keep it down during sex. I stay at my partner's house ~5 nights a week and we're always conscious of whether or not her three flatmates are home. If they're home we make an effort to keep the volume down. We also don't hear her flatmates (two of whom are in a relationship with each other and share a room) when they do it either. There is no need to be loud enough that everyone in the house hears.
(edited 1 year ago)
For example, if you and your roommate always hang out alone together, try to bring some other people into the mix so that it isn't so intimate.

Try to avoid doing things that feel "date" like. Don't go to the movies, dinner, or concerts alone together.
Original post by 1582
It's their home too. They're allowed to bring people home.

Just say you heard them having sex, that it woke you and the other flatmate, and a little more discretion next time would be appreciated. Don't applaud them for getting laid, like you did here. Make sure they realise it's not appropriate to be loud like that when you have housemates. And also point out that it is not okay to play music at 4:30am without headphones... that's completely disrespectful and can also lead to noise complaints from neighbours.

It's not difficult to keep it down during sex. I stay at my partner's house ~5 nights a week and we're always conscious of whether or not her three flatmates are home. If they're home we make an effort to keep the volume down. We also don't hear her flatmates (two of whom are in a relationship with each other and share a room) when they do it either. There is no need to be loud enough that everyone in the house hears.


Ok thanks for the advice I agree with alot of it.

I'm aware it's also their house but people need to be respectful to one another especially as just as it's your home it's also others too that your sharing with.

And does it come across as praising or just not accusatory instead as I don't want any bad blood just because I brought it up.

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