The Student Room Group

26 and never had a girlfriend

I'm a 26 year old guy and have never been in a relationship before. I didn't really think much about it during uni but since I graduated some 16 months ago, I have been having immense difficulty with dating and it's making me feel undesirable. Without trying to sound immodest, I am kind, respectful, respectful, 6' tall, of healthy weight and not that looks are the be all and end all but I wouldn't say I have anything unusual about my appearance. I dabbled with dating apps but didn't get many opportunities through them. In reality, it feels like I don't exist to girls. It makes me feel quite bad seeing other guys get into relationships - obviously, I am happy for them, but it makes me think that there is something about me that is precluding me from having the same.
read the book: "how to click" by Trevor Silvester. It'll give you a lot of insight. Probably just circumstances and you can definitely change that.
I wouldn’t worry too much just yet.

I’m approaching 42, have a disability that’s changed my body substantially. Effectively I’m ruled out.

I’ve just read a thread elsewhere about ‘nice guys’.

I’m the sort that would treat a woman with love, care and respect.

All I ever hear about is the sheer scale of abuse women face from partners. The mind games, making them feel worthless.

Gone is my chance to be a father.

All because I lack confidence and am not a hard man.

Get yourself out there. Don’t be put off if someone isn’t interested. As long as you show respect to whoever you talk to, you have no need to worry.

Don’t do what I did and watch everyone else have a family and be happy. I intend to study next year and one of many reasons is because it will act as a distraction from the above. It will show me I can achieve something. Even if I am invisible to women or just a name and a number elsewhere.
hey first of all I would like to say please don’t feel bad for not being in a relationship regardless of your age , everyone does things at different ages. don’t see this as a way to bring yourself down. You will find your person when the time comes don’t stress
Original post by daveboy1981
I’m approaching 42, have a disability that’s changed my body substantially. Effectively I’m ruled out.

I’ve just read a thread elsewhere about ‘nice guys’.
I’m the sort that would treat a woman with love, care and respect.
All I ever hear about is the sheer scale of abuse women face from partners. The mind games, making them feel worthless.
Gone is my chance to be a father.

All because I lack confidence and am not a hard man.

Don’t do what I did and watch everyone else have a family and be happy.
I intend to study next year and one of many reasons is because it will act as a distraction from the above. It will show me I can achieve something.
Even if I am invisible to women or just a name and a number elsewhere.

Don't give up all hope of ever having a child or committed female partner. :smile:
Different women often have very different dealbreakers, beauty standards and relationship preferences.
There are plenty of potentially compatible single women in the dating sea who you are yet to meet.

The oldest guys that I've dated were in their 50s and 60s.
All of them have since had more than one biological child and lived with female partners for more than 2 years pre-covid.
Good luck with your studies!
Focus on maintaining a positive mindset, staying healthy, improving your finances, widening your skillset and social networks. :smile:
You have plenty of time to date, acquire some relationship experience and find a serious gf who is looking for a long term relationship if that is what you want.

There are plenty of potentially compatible single girls in the dating sea, many of whom you are yet to meet.
Have an active social life, go to hobby groups and singles events.
Keep an eye out for opportunities to meet new people, even if they are not single they may be keen to introduce compatible people they know to their friends or relatives who are single and looking to date/hookup/get married.
Good luck!
Sounds like lack of effort on your part. Easy to address.
I've given up on ever having a girlfriend. I'm not prepared to jump through all the hoops I'd need to be even moderately attractive to women, especially when actually getting a girlfriend is far from guaranteed at the end.
Original post by Anonymous
I've given up on ever having a girlfriend. I'm not prepared to jump through all the hoops I'd need to be even moderately attractive to women, especially when actually getting a girlfriend is far from guaranteed at the end.


What actual hoops do you think you need to jump through in order to be attractive to women?
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
What actual hoops do you think you need to jump through in order to be attractive to women?


I'd need to put myself in aituations where I could meet women, get over my anxiety and reservedness, put effort into my appearance beyond basic hygiene, completely change my personality, and get in shape.

I have no desire to change any of these things, and since I have almost nothing going for me it's safe to assume I won't get into a relationship.
i thought i saw post like this already, same user or someone else? unfortuneately, cases like this are not as rare as people and society make it out to be.
Original post by Anonymous
I'd need to put myself in aituations where I could meet women, get over my anxiety and reservedness, put effort into my appearance beyond basic hygiene, completely change my personality, and get in shape.

I have no desire to change any of these things, and since I have almost nothing going for me it's safe to assume I won't get into a relationship.


Don't do it then. You can't expect a women to love you and respect you when you don't even love and respect yourself.

You get out of life what you put in.
Original post by Anonymous
I'd need to put myself in aituations where I could meet women, get over my anxiety and reservedness, put effort into my appearance beyond basic hygiene, completely change my personality, and get in shape.

I have no desire to change any of these things, and since I have almost nothing going for me it's safe to assume I won't get into a relationship.


Thank-you for your honesty.

Your post comes over as you not being in the best of places right now. Do you think that's a fair reflection of the real you?
Original post by harrisong12
Don't do it then. You can't expect a women to love you and respect you when you don't even love and respect yourself.

You get out of life what you put in.

I don't expect any woman to love me. That's why I've accepted that I'll be single for life.

Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Thank-you for your honesty.

Your post comes over as you not being in the best of places right now. Do you think that's a fair reflection of the real you?


I wouldn't say I'm in an especially bad place right now. I do have things I enjoy doing, although they aren't good avenues to meet people.

I'll use my physique as an example of what I mentioned in the post above. I might dislike my body, but I dislike the things I would need to do to change it, like going to the gym, exercising, or changing my diet, far more than my current situation.
won't surprise me if this becomes more common
Original post by Anonymous
hey first of all I would like to say please don’t feel bad for not being in a relationship regardless of your age , everyone does things at different ages. don’t see this as a way to bring yourself down. You will find your person when the time comes don’t stress

How come I haven't had any opportunities. I don't exactly get many looks from girls. It seems like they have no interest in me unfortunately. It's sad to see so many other guys in relationships with girls that actually want to be with them.

There must be some explanation for this?
Original post by Anonymous
How come I haven't had any opportunities. I don't exactly get many looks from girls. It seems like they have no interest in me unfortunately. It's sad to see so many other guys in relationships with girls that actually want to be with them.

There must be some explanation for this?


ok so don’t take no offence to this but girls take appearance serious, so maybe try to enhance and make use of what you have already. maybe pay attention to the way you dress, maybe start joining gym as some girls do pay attention to physique, take care of your hygiene, make sure you have white teeth and good breathe and smell good too, you don’t need to change yourself for anyone it’s all about improving your physical health and mental health that’s what I’m doing rn you will feel much more confident when you take care of yourself. I believe that everyone has someone out there for them whether they’ll meet that person now or later
Original post by Anonymous
How come I haven't had any opportunities. I don't exactly get many looks from girls. It seems like they have no interest in me unfortunately. It's sad to see so many other guys in relationships with girls that actually want to be with them.

There must be some explanation for this?


The explanation is that you're being too passive.

Make your own luck in this area. Be a man. Take the initiative.

Speak to women in ways that will fuel their attraction to you. Study what it takes to do this and get lots and lots of real world experience.
You have a huge opportunity to improve yourself and your life now. As well as improving the lives of the women that you spend time with.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
The explanation is that you're being too passive.

Make your own luck in this area. Be a man. Take the initiative.

Speak to women in ways that will fuel their attraction to you. Study what it takes to do this and get lots and lots of real world experience.
You have a huge opportunity to improve yourself and your life now. As well as improving the lives of the women that you spend time with.


yup, this is nothing new, i believe its common for a lot of guys, men, to feel ashamed for seeking help on this when it seems the average guy didn't need to

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