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Blackout cheating

I’m visiting home and me and my guy friend decided to go out for some cocktails through the week because it was 2 4 1. I don’t really drink that often and rarely go out but since coming back to visit friends and family Iv been going out a few times. This one particular time we went out and I didn’t drink a lot well I don’t remember drinking a lot I’d say about 5 cocktails and maybe 1 or 2 vodka lemonades. I became blackout drunk and cannot remember leaving a bar or going to the last bar or leaving to go home or being in my friends house, I remember absolutely nothing. The last thing I remember is getting ready to leave a bar but not actually leaving. I then wake up with my friend above me and we are having sex at first I don’t realise who it is and carry on for about a minute and then come to realise it’s my friend and then stop and cry my eyes out for the rest of the night because I had just cheated on the love of my life. I have never cheated before nor have I ever wanted to. When I asked my friend if he remembered why we were having sex or how it was initiated he said the same thing as me that he was blackout drunk and didn’t notice we were having sex until we were. He’s one of my good friends so I believed him as I don’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me or put me in a position like that but why can’t I remember anything surely I would have some sort of memory of it and it’s just completely blank. I’m riddled with guilt and have no idea whether I should tell my partner or not because I don’t want to hurt and I know I would never do this ever again. It’s all made me quit drinking completely. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to lose him and I also don’t want to get my friend in trouble if I really was just to drunk and made a mistake. I’m just very confused and need some guidance.

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Original post by Anonymous
...I don’t remember drinking a lot I’d say about 5 cocktails and maybe 1 or 2 vodka lemonades.

This will be why you've lapses in memory. Cocktails tend to have 3 units of alcohol per drink - and tends to result in mixing spirits. So you likely drank a good 16-17 units and mixed spirits. If you drank very quickly or didn't eat very much the impact will have hit you like a sack of bricks rather than coming on gradually. With the evidence provided I think it is safe to say you just drank too much.

Yes, the honest thing to do would be to tell your boyfriend that you cheated on him.
(edited 1 year ago)
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

You need to go and get sexual health tests done asap.
Do not have sex until you have got all the results back and are confirmed to be fine.
Good luck!
Original post by londonmyst
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

You need to go and get sexual health tests done asap.
Do not have sex until you have got all the results back and are confirmed to be fine.
Good luck!

Iv booked to get an sti check already thank you.

Iv been trying to remember but nothing is coming to me, we didn’t drink them too fast we had eaten. One minute I was fine a bit tipsy and then the next thing I was waking up in the bed and it was happening. Iv drank way more than before and never blacked out like that before.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I’m visiting home and me and my guy friend decided to go out for some cocktails through the week because it was 2 4 1. I don’t really drink that often and rarely go out but since coming back to visit friends and family Iv been going out a few times. This one particular time we went out and I didn’t drink a lot well I don’t remember drinking a lot I’d say about 5 cocktails and maybe 1 or 2 vodka lemonades. I became blackout drunk and cannot remember leaving a bar or going to the last bar or leaving to go home or being in my friends house, I remember absolutely nothing. The last thing I remember is getting ready to leave a bar but not actually leaving. I then wake up with my friend above me and we are having sex at first I don’t realise who it is and carry on for about a minute and then come to realise it’s my friend and then stop and cry my eyes out for the rest of the night because I had just cheated on the love of my life. I have never cheated before nor have I ever wanted to. When I asked my friend if he remembered why we were having sex or how it was initiated he said the same thing as me that he was blackout drunk and didn’t notice we were having sex until we were. He’s one of my good friends so I believed him as I don’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me or put me in a position like that but why can’t I remember anything surely I would have some sort of memory of it and it’s just completely blank. I’m riddled with guilt and have no idea whether I should tell my partner or not because I don’t want to hurt and I know I would never do this ever again. It’s all made me quit drinking completely. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to lose him and I also don’t want to get my friend in trouble if I really was just to drunk and made a mistake. I’m just very confused and need some guidance.

sounds like rape to me.
" he was blackout drunk and didn’t notice we were having sex until we were. " yeah right. he was clearly doing the ******* so i doubt he'd manage if he was 'blackout drunk'. ******* liar. there are tons of guys like him out there. hope karma gets him.
don't tell your boyfriend.
Original post by 1582
This will be why you've lapses in memory. Cocktails tend to have 3 units of alcohol per drink - and tends to result in mixing spirits. So you likely drank a good 16-17 units and mixed spirits. If you drank very quickly or didn't eat very much the impact will have hit you like a sack of bricks rather than coming on gradually. With the evidence provided I think it is safe to say you just drank too much.

Yes, the honest thing to do would be to tell your boyfriend that you cheated on him.

Thanks for your reply!

Iv drank way more than that before Iv never blacked out like that before and we didn’t drink them too fast and I had eaten 3 meals that day. Iv never blacked out like in my life being trying to remember more but I just can’t remember anything. I’m disgusted with myself and quite frankly I’m shocked because he is the love of my life there’s no issues in our relationship at all, iv never cheated on anyone before so why would I do that this time. I just don’t understand why I would have done it. Would you forgive someone and give the relationship another go if your partner said this to you? I don’t want to lose him.
Original post by Anonymous
Iv been trying to remember but nothing is coming to me, we didn’t drink them too fast we had eaten. One minute I was fine a bit tipsy and then the next thing I was waking up in the bed and it was happening. Iv drank way more than before and never blacked out like that before.

Could be that one or both of your drinks were spiked with an illegal substance.
Alternatively either a serious sexual assault occurred or there was consensual sex when you both way too drunk to even remember that the two of you are platonic friends and you have a partner.

You may have some flashbacks over the next few months.
But there is a possibility that you will never remember and a section of that nights event will remain a total blank.
Best to wait for confirmation that you have a clean bill of health and then move on.
If you have any concerns about either the venue or your friend- trust your feelings and keep your distance.
Good luck!
Original post by Ciel.
sounds like rape to me.
" he was blackout drunk and didn’t notice we were having sex until we were. " yeah right. he was clearly doing the ******* so i doubt he'd manage if he was 'blackout drunk'. ******* liar. there are tons of guys like him out there. hope karma gets him.
don't tell your boyfriend.


I don’t know what to do in this situation? It’s meant to be a friend and I just don’t understand why this would have happened. I also feel like crap everyday at the fact I’m not being honest with my boyfriend but I’m so scared that I will lose him. Just feel like it’s such a lose lose situation, its driving me insane
To begin, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened.

There's no pleasant way I can put this: you said you woke up with your friend on top of you - so you were asleep / unconscious beforehand? I'm so sorry to say it, but it sounds as though your friend has lied to you. I know I only have a few details of the situation, but it would seem that your friend has committed a grievous, disgusting act of r*pe against you.

I don't know much about alcohol, but if you've drank similarly before and never passed out, could he have drugged you? Did you look away from your drinks, or go to the bathroom at any point of the evening?
Original post by Ciel.
hope karma gets him.
don't tell your boyfriend.

*facepalm* You don't see anything off with that?
The situation sounds really odd, especially on behalf of your guy friend - it sounds too strange that you both coincidentally started doing that, especially if you have no memory of the night.

Your boyfriend deserves to know, it's worth having an honest conversation with him - inevitably it will be hurtful, but it's better than lying to him about it and the thoughts weighing on your mind constantly.

I hope you're okay :suith:
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know what to do in this situation? It’s meant to be a friend and I just don’t understand why this would have happened. I also feel like crap everyday at the fact I’m not being honest with my boyfriend but I’m so scared that I will lose him. Just feel like it’s such a lose lose situation, its driving me insane

at the very least - i'd stop being his friend. he clearly took advantage of you. and lied about it.

idk what your boyfriend is like so it's hard to really give you any advice on that. does he have trust issues? is he short-tempered? does he get mad at you a lot? if you feel like you can trust him, you can tell him. but don't call what happened 'cheating' when you do. because that wasn't cheating.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 12
Original post by StriderHort
*facepalm* You don't see anything off with that?


i should have phrased it differently.

what i actually meant was - "don't tell him if it could get you in trouble. if you do tell him - don't call it cheating."
Original post by EVRoosevelt
To begin, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened.

There's no pleasant way I can put this: you said you woke up with your friend on top of you - so you were asleep / unconscious beforehand? I'm so sorry to say it, but it sounds as though your friend has lied to you. I know I only have a few details of the situation, but it would seem that your friend has committed a grievous, disgusting act of r*pe against you.

I don't know much about alcohol, but if you've drank similarly before and never passed out, could he have drugged you? Did you look away from your drinks, or go to the bathroom at any point of the evening?


I went to the bathroom right after we order the 5th drink I think it was. I don’t want to ruin someone’s life if I was just drunk so this is why I’m not sure whether to tell my partner because I genuinely can’t remember but I don’t want it to ruin our relationship
Original post by EVRoosevelt
...but it sounds as though your friend has lied to you. I know I only have a few details of the situation, but it would seem that your friend has committed a grievous, disgusting act of r*pe against you.


does it sound like that, or is that conjecture, based on the only given information that they were both drunk?
Original post by HoldThisL
does it sound like that, or is that conjecture, based on the only given information that they were both drunk?

I'm sorry, I'm not having an argument of semantics with you.
I Woulsnt say that’s cheating, sounds more like a rape.
i think you probably have to explain to your boyfriend at least some of what happened because firstly, it happened, and avoiding the truth rarely helps a relationship
Original post by HoldThisL
does it sound like that, or is that conjecture, based on the only given information that they were both drunk?


For me it's that they state they were blacked out/unconscious, rather than just drunk. I've had sex drunk.. but I've never 'woke up' having sex.
Original post by StriderHort
For me it's that they state they were blacked out/unconscious, rather than just drunk. I've had sex drunk.. but I've never 'woke up' having sex.


That’s genuinely the truth as well like he said the same that he can’t remember a thing either from getting home but I can’t remember a thing from leaving the 2nd to last bar. I only know I went back to the first bar because there were videos on my phone

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