The Student Room Group

My dream wedding remained as a dream and not a reality.

I am a Muslim female from a South-Asain background.
I have been married for almost 3 years. I overthink a lot. This topic I am about to discuss is something I struggle to heal from and hope you could help me.
Me and my husband got married at 18 and 19 (it was harder to make my family agree oppose to his). I wanted a small intimate nikkah and remain living at my parents whilst going to his some days until we could afford our own place.
My older sister by 4 years had a lot to say. She said what I wanted was basically like having a boyfriend (which I didn't get because islamically we are married), she made my parents disagree with me and that if I got married I had to go. Fast forward, I ended up getting married in a horrible way without the presence of my family.
Now this is the part that annoys me. My older sister got married to someone from a different ethnicity (this is frowned upon in my family - I don't personally agree with my family but they were not happy with it). I fought for my sister and she ended up having the intimate wedding I never had.
I guess what I am saying is, I keep thinking I've missed out in my biggest milestone. I'm hurt that the way I was supportive, nobody was like that for me and those involved don't know the extent to how much it has hurt me. How do I heal from this?
Why get married without the presence of your family and at an age you can't even support yourself at? Like you're not making life any easier for yourself. Did you not have a wedding at all?
Can you not have a ceremony to renew your vows and make that one the wedding you always wanted?
I agree, have a renewal ceremony that suits you.
Reply 4
I was going to say exactly the same thing!!
Original post by Anonymous
Why get married without the presence of your family and at an age you can't even support yourself at? Like you're not making life any easier for yourself. Did you not have a wedding at all?


Thanks for your response.
I'm not sure whether you are aware of my religion which is Islam. It is believed for us to get married as soon as we find the right one in order to prevent sin (sex before marriage). We were at a young age. Thus, why I wanted to remain living with my family whilst he lived at his and move out when we were financially able (fast forward 3 years later - we live together alone with our toddler). And to answer your question, No. I did not get a wedding at all. It was very rushed and almost done as if I were a burden. That is what hurts. As a girl, I've dreamt of this day for it to turn out the way it did and my mind does not let me heal from it. I had zero support for my sister and it hurts because I supported her so much during her time. I just wanted to know how I can forget and move on.
Original post by Son of the Sea
Can you not have a ceremony to renew your vows and make that one the wedding you always wanted?


Yes, me and my husband have decided to have a wedding photoshoot on our 3rd anniversary. We can wear the clothes we would have worn. Remake everything and pretend to our kids it was the actual day LOL.
I guess what hurts me more is that I had no support from sister whilst I supported her so much and she has no acknowledgment of this.

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