I realised I am able to enter A-levels exam when I was 23 (so I self studied A-level) after spending lots of time (out of school) learning new things and a year was wasted due to being hospitalied as my mental health is getting worse and students were throwing stuff and it hit me so I was too unwell to finish the "BTEC Level 2" course at age 16.
There's no entry requirements for A-levels, one exam centre told me so I decided to spend my years self studying A-levels like before. Why was I put into BTEC Level 2 course with very immature students? My mental health literally deteriorated even more because my school had bad SEN which affected my GCSE, and harmed my mental health with teachers shouting, and this process being repeated at my BTEC Level 2 class.
At the summer holiday before I started BTEC Level 2, I decided to fill gaps I felt like I missed at secondary school (with 1:1 tutoring) and then some A-level material since I was initially interested in these subject.
I applied for A-level at subjects I am interested in but my teacher said due to my GCSE profile, they offer me a "BTEC Level 2" course and GCSE Maths even though I was self studying A-levels beforehand.
I am very disheartened. I am forced to accept as that's all they offer and that "I am required to be in education or training".
I feel completely out of touch with other "BTEC Level 2" students, some progressed from "BTEC Level 1". I feel like I am ahead of them but I had imposter syndrome and feel like I'm actually just as dumb as immature kids who doesn't treat it as a school. I made no friends there unlike my secondary school.
I'm considering PPE or Classics at Oxford but I am advised of choosing "Harris Manchester College" where people are 21 or older also like me but not like me(?), but not like me because they took a long time to progress from BTEC Level 2 or below )or stay there for a long time) to BTEC Level 3 to a mature college at Oxford because of their age, because they were playing games at school computer rather than issues with school due to SEN neglected and hospitalisation, rather than a normal Oxford college.
I'm scared that students at the college will be very immature - always on their phones, playing games, take photos of me without consent, took them longer time to progress and should've graduated, and throwing stuff.
I'm scared of anti-intellectualism at colleges like Harris Manchester College, University of Oxford; Hughes Hall, University of Cambridge; St Edmunds College, University of Cambridge; and Wolfson College, University of Cambridge; Birkbeck, University of London.
I feel like it's my fault that I have special educational needs but sometimes feels "smart" where I don't like large classes like the one in my BTEC Level 2 class that I left early.