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    I have realized something this week. I am a jealous, under-confident and clingy ****. Everyone that could of ever cared about me I have scared away with my obsessiveness, which is actually quite depressing.

    Maybe if I got up off of my ass and got a job, actually attended my college lessons more than 82% of the time, even attepted to lose weight and stopped being such a laid back retard I might get somewhere in life.

    I am the sort of guy that does everything last minute, for example I should of had my uni applications all done about 2 weeks ago but even after realizing this I am not doing it. I am not an idiot, I know that I need to change, but I just don't know how - How does anyone get the will power to actually go out and do anything? Lose weight? Get a job?

    Sometimes I will have random thoughts at night that I will go out for a run to try and lose some weight, but I never actually go. This also goes for looking for jobs, I will go out and get application forms, hand out CVs and such but the CVs I give out I never hear back from, the application forms I fill out I never take back.

    What is wrong with me? Why am I this way?

    I could give you a hundred excuses as to why but thats all they are, excuses. The truth is I am lazy, I have winged through my entire education and come out for the worse, I am applying for mediocre uni's at best which in my opinion is below where I should be.

    Sure, I blame my parents, who in my position doesn't? But I know it is not their fault, the longest I have ever been in one house is the current one I am in, around 5 years - which at 17 is a substantial portion of my life. I have moved country, I have moved city, I have moved between parents.

    Why can't I fix it now?

    Sorry for repetition.


    What are your interests?

    And don't blame your parents - it's a low blow.

    You know what exactly you're lacking? Motivation; Passion.

    I sound so cheesy . lollll But ya, what ARE your interests? I don't care if they are outrageous or odd or plain, please do answer with full honesty

    Owh, and you definitely can fix it. Until you breathe your last breath you can still fix it.

    You are lazy and you can't fix it because you are lazy. Circle of life.

    Or you could say you have depression, if you want.
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