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My parents won't let me marry outside race

I'm a 20 y/o male with an Islamic family. My parents have always wanted me to marry an Islamic girl within my race but I really like this white Christian girl and I'm very scared to tell my parents about her. Honestly, religiously its allowed I'm pretty sure as the Prophet had married a Christian himself but I'm genuinely just worried about how they're going to react when they find out its outside of my race. I don't know what to say to them because I feel like being straight-forward won't make them understand. They likely won't listen to me and think I'm being irrational because I'm their child and will remain ignorant. I don't know what I should do or what I can do.

The main issue just seems to be race I guess and they try to make it out as if it is traditional and cultural to marry within my race but I really just like this girl too much regardless of that.

What can I do or what can I say to my parents respectfully to make them understand that I really like this individual?

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Isn’t 20 a bit young to marry? What does the girl think?
Original post by Anonymous
Isn’t 20 a bit young to marry? What does the girl think?


Yeah it is a bit young. I've known her for a while and honestly I haven't been able to take a step further because of my parents. Marriage is something for the future but for now I really like the girl and want to tell my parents to know about her so I don't have to hide things. I just don't know how to really tell them because of all the cultural and race stuff.
I think you should do what you want. Will your parents do anything if they find out you are married to a christian outside of your race?
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a 20 y/o male with an Islamic family. My parents have always wanted me to marry an Islamic girl within my race but I really like this white Christian girl and I'm very scared to tell my parents about her. Honestly, religiously its allowed I'm pretty sure as the Prophet had married a Christian himself but I'm genuinely just worried about how they're going to react when they find out its outside of my race. I don't know what to say to them because I feel like being straight-forward won't make them understand. They likely won't listen to me and think I'm being irrational because I'm their child and will remain ignorant. I don't know what I should do or what I can do.

The main issue just seems to be race I guess and they try to make it out as if it is traditional and cultural to marry within my race but I really just like this girl too much regardless of that.

What can I do or what can I say to my parents respectfully to make them understand that I really like this individual?

Have you guys spoke about conversion to Islam? Have you considered the religion and faith of your kids? If you were to get married and have kids. 20 seems young? Have you got some form of educational qualification that both family will want to consider, what about financial stability? Would you be able to cope raising a child at a young age and provide them with the upbringing they deserve.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I think you should do what you want. Will your parents do anything if they find out you are married to a christian outside of your race?


Honestly I know they won't be happy. I just don't know how to bring it up to them and tell them I've been talking to this girl. I don't exactly have a close connection with them so its just tough. I still live with them as I'm still a student so I don't know how I'll face them if they're just going to sit and be disappointed at me the whole time. I really just don't have the balls to bring this up because I fear they'll look down at me forever and I fear of losing this girl as we've been speaking for over a year had boundaries due to religious reasons on her side.
Original post by Mohammed_80
Have you guys spoke about conversion to Islam? Have you considered the religion and faith of your kids? If you were to get married and have kids. 20 seems young? Have you got some form of educational qualification that both family will want to consider, what about financial stability? Would you be able to cope raising a child at a young age and provide them with the upbringing they deserve.

I wouldn't get married right now as I am way too young but for the future I can definitely see myself with her. We have spoke about kids and that's still a thing for the future and since we are both students we are in no rush as we both are focused on getting our degree first before anything. I'm not exactly religious at all but my parents are and their opinion matters a lot to me, so the kid would highly likely be the religion of the mother.
Original post by Anonymous
I wouldn't get married right now as I am way too young but for the future I can definitely see myself with her. We have spoke about kids and that's still a thing for the future and since we are both students we are in no rush as we both are focused on getting our degree first before anything. I'm not exactly religious at all but my parents are and their opinion matters a lot to me, so the kid would highly likely be the religion of the mother.

As for possible conversion to Islam of the girl you like has she shown any sign or willingness.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Mohammed_80
As for possible conversion to Islam of the girl you like has she shown any sign or willingness.

Why does she have to convert to Islam ? Can't she remain as the religion she currently follows.
Original post by Mohammed_80
Have you guys spoke about conversion to Islam? Have you considered the religion and faith of your kids? If you were to get married and have kids. 20 seems young? Have you got some form of educational qualification that both family will want to consider, what about financial stability? Would you be able to cope raising a child at a young age and provide them with the upbringing they deserve.

The children can choose what religion they choose to follow if it all.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a 20 y/o male with an Islamic family. My parents have always wanted me to marry an Islamic girl within my race but I really like this white Christian girl and I'm very scared to tell my parents about her. Honestly, religiously its allowed I'm pretty sure as the Prophet had married a Christian himself but I'm genuinely just worried about how they're going to react when they find out its outside of my race. I don't know what to say to them because I feel like being straight-forward won't make them understand. They likely won't listen to me and think I'm being irrational because I'm their child and will remain ignorant. I don't know what I should do or what I can do.

The main issue just seems to be race I guess and they try to make it out as if it is traditional and cultural to marry within my race but I really just like this girl too much regardless of that.

What can I do or what can I say to my parents respectfully to make them understand that I really like this individual?

How long have you been together ? If you aren't thinking of getting married yet or moving in together you don't have to tell them about her yet.
Original post by Mohammed_80
As for possible conversion to Islam of the girl you like has she shown any sign or willingness.


Not at all, she's very into her own faith which I admire and respect. She very much loves her own religion, I don't want to change that about her. I just want my parents to come to accept that I like a person such as her.
Original post by Anonymous
Why does she have to convert to Islam ? Can't she remain as the religion she currently follows.

The children can choose what religion they choose to follow if it all.

How long have you been together ? If you aren't thinking of getting married yet or moving in together you don't have to tell them about her yet.


We have been together for 1 year and 3 months. I'd say we are pretty compatible. It's just quite hard to mention this to parents especially when living with them. You're very right about not having to tell them yet but I fear of what to tell them when the time comes. I may not have a close-connection to my parents but they have raised me and I do love them, however I do want to make my own choices such as marriage and don't want to face disappointment and an awkward time at home for days, weeks or even months. It'd be nice to just be able to tell them and have them be happy for me.
Original post by Anonymous
Why does she have to convert to Islam ? Can't she remain as the religion she currently follows.

The children can choose what religion they choose to follow if it all.

How long have you been together ? If you aren't thinking of getting married yet or moving in together you don't have to tell them about her yet.

What if OP parents want her to convert then.
Original post by Anonymous
Not at all, she's very into her own faith which I admire and respect. She very much loves her own religion, I don't want to change that about her. I just want my parents to come to accept that I like a person such as her.

Best of luck my brother, I wish marriage was an easy subject to talk about. Sadly it isn’t.
Typical asian culture. I'd keep it a secret for as long as possible. Lets say, in a few years, your parents can't break you up, as you'll be tied.
Original post by Mohammed_80
What if OP parents want her to convert then.

She shouldn't feel like she has to convert just so OP's parents will be happy for them to marry. That's a stupid reason. No one should be pressurised to follow a particular faith.
Original post by Anonymous
Why does she have to convert to Islam ? Can't she remain as the religion she currently follows.


That’s what I was thinking. Seems bizarre to expect someone to change religion for you. I could never ask that of somebody else nor could I be with someone who wanted me to do that.
You have to make a choice to make about the direction of your future life and who you want to maintain a positive relationship with:
the girl that you love or your parents (along with all their likeminded relatives).
It is one or the other.

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you.
Put your safety and health first.
My mother was almost beaten to death and disinherited by her vile ultra-traditionalist catholic family for deciding to marry an atheist.
She married her soulmate and they have been together for more than 40 years.
But her freedom came at a price, she never spoke to her father again and was banned from his funeral.
Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
Why does she have to convert to Islam ? Can't she remain as the religion she currently follows.

The children can choose what religion they choose to follow if it all.

Conversion and all the religious elements are all irrelevant when the OPs family tradition prioritorises marriages between family members of the same ethnicity, caste, nationality or arranged marriages to their relatives.

The forced religious conversion of anyone for marriage purposes is prohibited by all sects of the islamic religion and illegal within the UK for any religion.
But many people are committed to religious endogamy because they won't tolerate a spouse or future children with alternative religious beliefs & customs.
Nor their relatives choosing a partner who will not obey their faith & community leaders and could set an example for any future children to do the same.
But this is completely separate from dealbreakers about ethnicity or marriage to family marriages.
Original post by londonmyst
Conversion and all the religious elements are all irrelevant when the OPs family tradition prioritorises marriages between family members of the same ethnicity, caste, nationality or arranged marriages to their relatives.

The forced religious conversion of anyone for marriage purposes is prohibited by all sects of the islamic religion and illegal within the UK for any religion.
But many people are committed to religious endogamy because they won't tolerate a spouse or future children with alternative religious beliefs & customs.
Nor their relatives choosing a partner who will not obey their faith & community leaders and could set an example for any future children to do the same.
But this is completely separate from dealbreakers about ethnicity or marriage to family marriages.

i know that certain cultures are like that but it's still wrong and shouldn't be encouraged in this day and age.
Original post by Anonymous
Honestly I know they won't be happy. I just don't know how to bring it up to them and tell them I've been talking to this girl. I don't exactly have a close connection with them so its just tough. I still live with them as I'm still a student so I don't know how I'll face them if they're just going to sit and be disappointed at me the whole time. I really just don't have the balls to bring this up because I fear they'll look down at me forever and I fear of losing this girl as we've been speaking for over a year had boundaries due to religious reasons on her side.


Don't tell them. Do it. If they won't stop you from getting married, then you can tell them when it is time and they couldn't stop it. Be who you are

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