The Student Room Group

Is it difficult to have a baby during university?

Going to sum this up short, had an abortion for reasons I don’t want to disclose, feel incredibly guilty and wish I didn’t have to do what I did, but I had no choice. When i’m at university I was thinking of conceiving again as i’ll be out of my household and able to do what I please, which may help the guilt and complete what is missing in my mind.

Idk is this reasonable?
Reply 1
It does make things harder just because of the additional responsibilities, being up at night, feeding, finding appropriate childcare and so on. I have taught and provided pastoral support to a few young women over the years that've been in this position. But they all completed their degree, and all but one did very well.
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable thought process although I also don’t think having a baby will take the guilt away.
It’s like sticking a plaster over a gaping wound, it’ll help very short term but won’t really do a lot of good long term. Kids are not just a quick fix solution, they are a lifetime commitment.
Biggest thing with children at uni is 1. Finances and 2. Childcare. Can you actually afford to give your child the life they deserve? No you don’t have to be rich to have kids but they aren’t goldfish and they are expensive. If you are already struggling financially as a uni student should a child be brought into that?
Childcare again is a big one, when you are attending uni do you have someone to care for your child? Does your uni provide any support for that? How would you cope post partum?

Do you have a partner? Again not saying it can’t be done alone but a second set of hands and income takes some pressure off you. There’s a lot of unknowns in this but if you are just having a child to try and overcome the guilt of your abortion then that’s not a good idea x
Okay so...

I got pregnant in my first year of uni. Finished the year, had the baby, took a year off, and returned to uni when she was 12 months old.
She was coping okay being left with relatives whilst I was in lectures, and was pretty much Miss Independent ,and I was managing alright with my studies, so I could have conceivably carried on with uni if it was just her.

But then I got pregnant again (intentionally - we didn't want baby number 1 to be an only child), and baby number 2 was definitely NOT okay with being left with relatives. He didn't want to be with anybody except me. If I left him with someone else, he screamed the place down for hours until I returned, every single time .Ultimately it was because of him that I ended up dropping out of uni.

So it's a very open ended question. Even if you have bags of support from relatives, you might just end up with a child who is so unbelievably clingy that you can't leave him/her with anybody else. Or you may end up with a perfect little angel who makes things really quite easy for you. It's a roll of the dice, and not something that can be predicted.

I'm back at uni now, but my kids are now 9, 13, 15, and 17. It's way easier when you don't have to juggle a baby or a toddler.
I would advise you to get uni out of the way first. It's only 3 years after all.
Original post by Anonymous
Going to sum this up short, had an abortion for reasons I don’t want to disclose, feel incredibly guilty and wish I didn’t have to do what I did, but I had no choice. When i’m at university I was thinking of conceiving again as i’ll be out of my household and able to do what I please, which may help the guilt and complete what is missing in my mind.

Idk is this reasonable?


Honestly, what you're saying is not reasonable, but I understand why you think the way you do. I just hope you use your abortion as something to learn from, by using protection or abstaining from sex, assuming that your relationship was consensual, even though, I'm not fond of abortion, I can understand why women choose to have it.

Guilty feelings occurring from abortion is normal and is nothing to be ashamed of, as time passes, your guilty feelings will either decrease or increase, if your feelings become too overwhelming, positive or negative, I believe you should consult your GP for help and assistance.

Best wishes.
This girl I knew had two abortions with two different people (she was that kind of girl), If she can do it twice you'll be okay.
Original post by Anonymous
Going to sum this up short, had an abortion for reasons I don’t want to disclose, feel incredibly guilty and wish I didn’t have to do what I did, but I had no choice. When i’m at university I was thinking of conceiving again as i’ll be out of my household and able to do what I please, which may help the guilt and complete what is missing in my mind.

Idk is this reasonable?


It wont ease the guilt by having another child. Also how irresponsible are you? I get the guy has to have a say in all of this next planned pregnancy? Or is he just a by-product to get what you want?

You had an abortion for reasons you dont want to disclose which is fine. Please take those reasons, and also chatting to others, even a professional to help you heal over that time of your life. and PMP is also right, my second child would not go to anyone either, not even grandparents. She would scream until she was sick and had the most awful separation anxiety, and I got PND from this. This was from 6 weeks to 3 years old. So if you want to continue your uni studies, be prepared that you might not be able to.
Original post by username6067556
This girl I knew had two abortions with two different people (she was that kind of girl), If she can do it twice you'll be okay.

Huh? What are you trying to say?
Original post by Anonymous
Going to sum this up short, had an abortion for reasons I don’t want to disclose, feel incredibly guilty and wish I didn’t have to do what I did, but I had no choice. When i’m at university I was thinking of conceiving again as i’ll be out of my household and able to do what I please, which may help the guilt and complete what is missing in my mind.

Idk is this reasonable?


OP I will tell you this it’s even difficult getting married during University.

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