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My boyfriend wanted me to flirt with other men and now he’s calling me a cheater.

Hi. Sorry for the long post, but I desperately need your advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He’s sexually open minded (or at least that’s what I thought). When we have sex, he tells me that he would like to watch me have sex with another man. This has always been his fantasy and we just talk about it and get horny but I would never act on it. My boyfriend also encourages me to chat with other men. He says it turns him on. One time I went to Italy with my parents on vacation and he told me: “If I were you, I would take advantage of the situation and find a hot Italian man over there”. I don’t know if he says these things as a joke but he constantly brings these things up. He has told me: “have you chatted with any man lately? It would turn me on so much if you told me you chatted with someone”. He also tells me he wants me to be flirty and even “slutty” with men. I have attempted to please him in the past with strangers but it doesn’t even turn me on because I don’t even like these men to begin with. My boyfriend also told me in the past to find a guy that I really find attractive, so one day I thought that the only guy I find attractive is my friend Jason. I’m friends with him on Instagram and I used to have a big crush on him. Sometimes Jason says hi to me and we’re just platonic friends because he knows I’m in a relationship. One day I just thought: “**** it, I’m going to flirt a little with Jason since my boyfriend allows me to be flirty”. So I flirted with him but nothing over the top. I did it thinking that my boyfriend was going to be okay with it. It actually felt good. I’m not going to lie, it turned me on. Obviously I told my boyfriend about it since hiding it would be bad. I told him I was friends with Jason and even asked him if he was okay with it and told him that I flirted. I thought he was going to like it but instead he yelled at me, called me bad names, and now says I’m a cheater. He told me I cheated because hide this friendship from him, but he never “forbid” me from having male friends and I swear I never did anything bad with Jason. Jason and I only talked like 4 times in one whole year!!!! it’s not like were messaging constantly. Now my boyfriend is making me feel guilty for being friends with Jason. It’s like I have to chose between my boyfriend and my male friend. I don’t think it’s fair that my boyfriend would encourage me to talk to men and now feels bad about it. He doesn’t know what he wants and says one thing but doesn’t actually mean it. I feel bad about abruptly stop talking to Jason and losing his friendship just because my boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t want Jason to feel used. He was nice to me and even wished me a Merry Christmas. Should I tell him the truth of what happened since my boyfriend doesn’t want me being friends with him? He considers it cheating if I talk to him. Should I also mention that I had a crush on him in the past and that’s why I flirted? I do love my boyfriend even if he’s immature but I don’t want to lose a valuable friendship either. I’ve known Jason for a long time, even before I got into a relationship. Please help!!!!
Reply 1
break up !!!!! red flags all over
Just leave him and move on.
Your boyfriend sounds psychotic. End this relationship.
Original post by Whitemoon741
Hi. Sorry for the long post, but I desperately need your advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He’s sexually open minded (or at least that’s what I thought). When we have sex, he tells me that he would like to watch me have sex with another man. This has always been his fantasy and we just talk about it and get horny but I would never act on it. My boyfriend also encourages me to chat with other men. He says it turns him on. One time I went to Italy with my parents on vacation and he told me: “If I were you, I would take advantage of the situation and find a hot Italian man over there”. I don’t know if he says these things as a joke but he constantly brings these things up. He has told me: “have you chatted with any man lately? It would turn me on so much if you told me you chatted with someone”. He also tells me he wants me to be flirty and even “slutty” with men. I have attempted to please him in the past with strangers but it doesn’t even turn me on because I don’t even like these men to begin with. My boyfriend also told me in the past to find a guy that I really find attractive, so one day I thought that the only guy I find attractive is my friend Jason. I’m friends with him on Instagram and I used to have a big crush on him. Sometimes Jason says hi to me and we’re just platonic friends because he knows I’m in a relationship. One day I just thought: “**** it, I’m going to flirt a little with Jason since my boyfriend allows me to be flirty”. So I flirted with him but nothing over the top. I did it thinking that my boyfriend was going to be okay with it. It actually felt good. I’m not going to lie, it turned me on. Obviously I told my boyfriend about it since hiding it would be bad. I told him I was friends with Jason and even asked him if he was okay with it and told him that I flirted. I thought he was going to like it but instead he yelled at me, called me bad names, and now says I’m a cheater. He told me I cheated because hide this friendship from him, but he never “forbid” me from having male friends and I swear I never did anything bad with Jason. Jason and I only talked like 4 times in one whole year!!!! it’s not like were messaging constantly. Now my boyfriend is making me feel guilty for being friends with Jason. It’s like I have to chose between my boyfriend and my male friend. I don’t think it’s fair that my boyfriend would encourage me to talk to men and now feels bad about it. He doesn’t know what he wants and says one thing but doesn’t actually mean it. I feel bad about abruptly stop talking to Jason and losing his friendship just because my boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t want Jason to feel used. He was nice to me and even wished me a Merry Christmas. Should I tell him the truth of what happened since my boyfriend doesn’t want me being friends with him? He considers it cheating if I talk to him. Should I also mention that I had a crush on him in the past and that’s why I flirted? I do love my boyfriend even if he’s immature but I don’t want to lose a valuable friendship either. I’ve known Jason for a long time, even before I got into a relationship. Please help!!!!
He sounds extremely narcissistic and in my opinion and experiences he's probably cheating. He wants you to flirt with other men then get upset at you for it because he needs to feel better about himself. Hopefully he isn't but I'd be very careful. Sorry if this is irrelevant now.

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