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    As the title says, nothing's actually wrong, which makes it extremely hard to know where to begin here!

    I suppose this is a typical "lonely fresher" thread in some ways... I'm extremely lonely at the moment. Just started uni, and have made a couple of friends, sort of... as in, they're lovely people, easy to talk to... but somehow it ends up so I only see them about an hour overall each week! And they never go out... In my course I thought I'd made some good friends but for some reason they've excluded me... I guess in my attempt not to seem this desperate lonely person they ended up having no idea how much I needed their company :/ Anyway, have no idea what's going on there. Joined a couple of societies, and that hasn't worked either... Whenever I've gone out with people, it's been fine, but contact's always ended up fizzling out. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but there's obviously something!

    My friends from back home have been my absolute lifesavers, but other than that, I'm finding myself on the computer for hours on end each day, completely demotivated and completely apathetic. I can't bring myself to think about work, I can hardly drag myself out of bed after thirteen hours sleep... This isn't me, at all, I'm used to making the most out of life. I'm not desperate to go home or anything, and in fact am usually happy with my own company, but this is no way to live life, endlessly staring at a computer screen, not getting on with work, not doing anything... I could have been in a coma for the last two months and got about as much out of life as I have been recently...

    I have no idea what I'm asking here :/ Has anyone been in a similar position? I know the whole friends thing just takes longer for some people than others, but how on earth do I shake myself out of this very negative cycle of sleep-eat-computer-eat-computer-eat-sleep so I can actually do something about it? It's not as easy as "go for a walk" when I can't even summon the motivation to make myself some tea... :/
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    Join some societys? Stupid as it sounds, just simply leaving your door wedged open so flatmates can just stick their heads in and say Hi is a good way to socialise, sitting staring at a computer is not the way forwards! Best of luck
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    Ride through it, I'm sure you'll be fine. Some people just take a while longer to make friends, so just try to spend as much time with the people you like, and eventually you'll become part of their group.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As the title says, nothing's actually wrong, which makes it extremely hard to know where to begin here!

    I suppose this is a typical "lonely fresher" thread in some ways... I'm extremely lonely at the moment. Just started uni, and have made a couple of friends, sort of... as in, they're lovely people, easy to talk to... but somehow it ends up so I only see them about an hour overall each week! And they never go out... In my course I thought I'd made some good friends but for some reason they've excluded me... I guess in my attempt not to seem this desperate lonely person they ended up having no idea how much I needed their company :/ Anyway, have no idea what's going on there. Joined a couple of societies, and that hasn't worked either... Whenever I've gone out with people, it's been fine, but contact's always ended up fizzling out. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but there's obviously something!

    My friends from back home have been my absolute lifesavers, but other than that, I'm finding myself on the computer for hours on end each day, completely demotivated and completely apathetic. I can't bring myself to think about work, I can hardly drag myself out of bed after thirteen hours sleep... This isn't me, at all, I'm used to making the most out of life. I'm not desperate to go home or anything, and in fact am usually happy with my own company, but this is no way to live life, endlessly staring at a computer screen, not getting on with work, not doing anything... I could have been in a coma for the last two months and got about as much out of life as I have been recently...

    I have no idea what I'm asking here :/ Has anyone been in a similar position? I know the whole friends thing just takes longer for some people than others, but how on earth do I shake myself out of this very negative cycle of sleep-eat-computer-eat-computer-eat-sleep so I can actually do something about it? It's not as easy as "go for a walk" when I can't even summon the motivation to make myself some tea... :/
    dont make fun of people in coma
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    As the title says, nothing's actually wrong, which makes it extremely hard to know where to begin here!

    I suppose this is a typical "lonely fresher" thread in some ways... I'm extremely lonely at the moment. Just started uni, and have made a couple of friends, sort of... as in, they're lovely people, easy to talk to... but somehow it ends up so I only see them about an hour overall each week! And they never go out... In my course I thought I'd made some good friends but for some reason they've excluded me... I guess in my attempt not to seem this desperate lonely person they ended up having no idea how much I needed their company :/ Anyway, have no idea what's going on there. Joined a couple of societies, and that hasn't worked either... Whenever I've gone out with people, it's been fine, but contact's always ended up fizzling out. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong, but there's obviously something!

    My friends from back home have been my absolute lifesavers, but other than that, I'm finding myself on the computer for hours on end each day, completely demotivated and completely apathetic. I can't bring myself to think about work, I can hardly drag myself out of bed after thirteen hours sleep... This isn't me, at all, I'm used to making the most out of life. I'm not desperate to go home or anything, and in fact am usually happy with my own company, but this is no way to live life, endlessly staring at a computer screen, not getting on with work, not doing anything... I could have been in a coma for the last two months and got about as much out of life as I have been recently...

    I have no idea what I'm asking here :/ Has anyone been in a similar position? I know the whole friends thing just takes longer for some people than others, but how on earth do I shake myself out of this very negative cycle of sleep-eat-computer-eat-computer-eat-sleep so I can actually do something about it? It's not as easy as "go for a walk" when I can't even summon the motivation to make myself some tea... :/
    I am kind of in the same situation as you though I'm not at uni. I moved to another city after O Level and I'm still goodfriend-less at the moment. I'm in ******* A2. Try to make friends as quickly as possible. If its too late you might end up a ******* loner like me even after such a long time. And to think what a life I had before makes me want to cry. But another factor in my socializing less is my family as well so you have much better chances of success.
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    You need to remember that you are definitely NOT the only person at your uni thinking like this.

    You say you have a couple of friends? Can you not make more of an effort to see them? And when you *do* see them, mention that you're feeling down.

    Whenever i felt lonely in my flat during first year (quite often as it happened) i used to go and make a really complicated dinner in the kitchen (so i'd be there for hours) and talk to people as they came and went. I'd say "oh i've made far too much of this, do you want some for dinner later?" and inevitably they'd say yes, so then i'd have someone to chat to at dinner. That's when you can ask how uni's going for them, and say "actually i'm a bit lonely atm", most people would then make more of an effort to involve you. People appreciate honesty. But people don't appreciate moping.

    Also... a cuppa tea and a biscuit solves everything. Knock on one of your neighbours doors and ask if they fancy a cuppa. If they don't look too busy you can go in for a chat once you've made it.

    If that fails.. whenever i was feeling down, i'd watch an epsiode (or 3) of friends.. cos that always cheered me up.

    And finally... always leave your door open. Give people the opportunity to come to you.

    Hope it gets better for you. I *accidentally* ended up living with some fairly random people during second year (they lived next door to me in first but i didn't really know them) and now they are the best friends i've ever had. Not everyone finds their groups in the first year. But you will find your place eventually.

    Oh, and actually (finally) with your course friends.. my course was ridiculously cliquey until the start of year 3 (of a 4 year course). I thought the other people were complete *****, but actually... they were really nice. They thought i was a stuck up snob... but actually i'm just really shy! It took some group projects for us to do some serious bonding, but now i consider them some of the best mates i'd made at uni.

    So.. persevere! If you sit in your room alone moping, you aren't going to make any more friends. Be proactive. Do your degree work (as that is why you are at uni in the first place) And have a cuppa tea.
 
 
 
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