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My diabetic mum won't listen to me

My mum was diagnosed with diabetes for a while. Yet even when she was diagnosed, she still continues to weekly buy takeaway and feed us it. I feel very guilty for believing that even when she gives us this she eats a little bit every time so I thought it wont be a big deal. But I realised stupidly late that she keeps getting takeaway too often even for us

Now she is at the point where her symptoms gotten worse and now have to get laser eye treatment (I forgotten what it is for but I know its related to her diabetes condition)
She doesnt exercise at all as well and just stays at home.

I keep telling her nowadays for months now please stop buying too much takeaways but honestly she doesnt act on it. We need to change the lifestyle /diet if we want this to improve. But she kinda says nothing and stops me talking further, even when I said I can help whatever you need and support

Now I am upset she is in nearly a late stage and still not helping herself.
And tonight she was very emotional to me saying she doesnt know what to do and she is young (49) and didnt want this at this stage of her life
I dont want to be insensitive to her or hurt her feelings right now because she is in an emotional state but I dont know if I actually should be.
Because she had this emotional state come by so frequently I avoided being insensitive by saying "well we need to make some dietary changes but you are not even trying" for a while. I tried saying it in a nice way before but I kind of felt ignored and frustrated now realising she may never listen to me
What is worse my dad has this diet too. So it doesnt really help when the majority of my family is in this unhealthy way of living so I had a wake up call just now.

What should I do? How can I properly have this conversation with my mum? Because I am concerned I am doing it wrong and being insensitive
Unfortunately you can't make people change their habits by nagging them. You're not being insensitive, no, of course not, but even if you're as blunt as a spoon if your mother wants to eat takeaways all the time, no amount of telling her not to is going to change that.

My step-father has diabetes but he's addicted to biscuits. My mother has told him a million times to stop eating so many biscuits, but he doesn't listen.
My husband is morbidly obese. No matter how many times I try to get him to diet, he still finds a way to eat things I haven't given him.
My mother-in-law died of cancer despite being told countless times by many family members to stop smoking.

The list goes on.

People have to want to change for themselves. I'm afraid there's very little you can do. By all means keep telling her to stop eating so many takeaways, but don't be surprised if it doesn't change her attitude.
Does your mum do all of the cooking for the household?
(edited 2 years ago)
I would refuse to eat the takeaways and would start bringing in healthy food to the house. As above, you can't give someone the will or desire to change.
Reply 4
Does your mum do all of the cooking for the household?


Most of the time yes when I was growing up. But now I am older and I help out more in the house I sometimes cook for my family whenever I am free from studying
Original post by Admit-One
I would refuse to eat the takeaways and would start bringing in healthy food to the house. As above, you can't give someone the will or desire to change.


I assume the mother is the one paying for the food. I'm not sure the OP would have the financial meals to bring healthy food into the house for everyone
Reply 6
Original post by Admit-One
I would refuse to eat the takeaways and would start bringing in healthy food to the house. As above, you can't give someone the will or desire to change.


I tried doing this. It did help but still had an issue. She buys takeaways that is enough for all of us and even extra, but we dont like to waste food. So the situation is that when I refuse to eat my share my parents would complain they cannot take my share because of their health (I know its ironic) and we cannot waste food. I still refused to eat them for some time now, and my shares ends up in the fridge where they would then take it hence have more takeaway they usually have in a week. Despite I keep telling them "well stop buying me some and listen to when I say I am not hungry or I dont want to eat or drink it" they say ok and just go ahead and buy some because they think I will change my mind and worried I would be hungry. It used to happen when I first tried refusing it and yes sadly because of my habits at the time I did change my mind but I am happy now I consistently refuse and stand my ground even though I now feel I am making it worse because now they would eat extra takeaway because of my share :frown:
Reply 7
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
I assume the mother is the one paying for the food. I'm not sure the OP would have the financial meals to bring healthy food into the house for everyone


Yes that is correct my mum is the one paying the food as well as other expenses, hence yes its frustrating I dont have much financial control to get what I want to eat for my health
It must be costing your parents an absolute fortune. Takeaways are so expensive.

Maybe approach it with them from a financial point of view, rather than that of their health. If you talk about their health they're just going to dismiss it. If you talk about how much they could be putting towards other things (mention things they like - holidays, cinema, buying new clothes... whatever it is that floats their boat), then maybe they'll consider cutting back on the takeaways?

I mean it still might not work, but it's worth a try.
Reply 9
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
It must be costing your parents an absolute fortune. Takeaways are so expensive.

Maybe approach it with them from a financial point of view, rather than that of their health. If you talk about their health they're just going to dismiss it. If you talk about how much they could be putting towards other things (mention things they like - holidays, cinema, buying new clothes... whatever it is that floats their boat), then maybe they'll consider cutting back on the takeaways?

I mean it still might not work, but it's worth a try.

Yes it is haha hence why it baffles me their habit for it as well. But that sounds like a good idea I could try that thanks. Whatever way is left I will try
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
I assume the mother is the one paying for the food. I'm not sure the OP would have the financial meals to bring healthy food into the house for everyone


They do note that they sometimes cook, so even if they are not paying the bills I think it's fine for them to say "I'd like to make X this week" and suggest a healthier option.
Original post by Admit-One
They do note that they sometimes cook, so even if they are not paying the bills I think it's fine for them to say "I'd like to make X this week" and suggest a healthier option.


Fair
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
My mum was diagnosed with diabetes for a while. Yet even when she was diagnosed, she still continues to weekly buy takeaway and feed us it. I feel very guilty for believing that even when she gives us this she eats a little bit every time so I thought it wont be a big deal. But I realised stupidly late that she keeps getting takeaway too often even for us
Now she is at the point where her symptoms gotten worse and now have to get laser eye treatment (I forgotten what it is for but I know its related to her diabetes condition)
She doesnt exercise at all as well and just stays at home.
I keep telling her nowadays for months now please stop buying too much takeaways but honestly she doesnt act on it. We need to change the lifestyle /diet if we want this to improve. But she kinda says nothing and stops me talking further, even when I said I can help whatever you need and support
Now I am upset she is in nearly a late stage and still not helping herself.
And tonight she was very emotional to me saying she doesnt know what to do and she is young (49) and didnt want this at this stage of her life
I dont want to be insensitive to her or hurt her feelings right now because she is in an emotional state but I dont know if I actually should be.
Because she had this emotional state come by so frequently I avoided being insensitive by saying "well we need to make some dietary changes but you are not even trying" for a while. I tried saying it in a nice way before but I kind of felt ignored and frustrated now realising she may never listen to me
What is worse my dad has this diet too. So it doesnt really help when the majority of my family is in this unhealthy way of living so I had a wake up call just now.
What should I do? How can I properly have this conversation with my mum? Because I am concerned I am doing it wrong and being insensitive

Hi, thank you for sharing this. I am a 50 year old man and I have diabetes type 2 and it might be that you mum just does not like the taste of healthy food. I hate the taste of artificial sweetener and low fat foods. I have tried to eat healthier and I unfortunately the only way for me to go, is by eating what I like but in moderation, your mum sounds like she might be from around the same generation as I am, this is not making excuses for her, but when we were younger our mums and dads used to tell us to eat what we were given, a lot of that food was beige, deep fat fried, full sugar, if you are weened onto that growing up it is virtually impossible (as I have found) to change. I have been diagnosed as diabetic for the past 5 years but I suspect that I have been type two for many years prior and leading up to a confirmed diagnosis. This is a dreadful condition, glucose is no longer absorbed in the way your body should be using it and instead it becomes a poison. I was one pound in weight over 10.5 stone but was considered obese, but I am actually very slim, solid to thin build. Larger people stand a better chance at getting through diabetes and living longer than thinner people.

If your mum does not like the low fat, artificial sweetened foods please try and understand why she might not be inclined to eat that stuff. I threw a lot of the food like that straight into the bin.

Moderation is key. Do not stop nagging your mum. I live alone and have no parents, partner or children to help me exercise any self discipline or motivate me to be considerate and less selfish. I dread the day when I might go blind, lose a foot, or lose my marbles through dementia, but I am alone and have no one to lean on, being single has spared someone the agony of become a full time carer at least.

I hope you can make a break through with your mum, even if you can get her to go low fat, and reduced sugar that is a good step in the right direction.

Wishing you all the best.

James

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