The Student Room Group

Is it ok to not be a feminist?

I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.
Well true feminism is surely about empowering women to make their own choices about whatever. So if it's your choice to be a stay at home mum then feminists should respect that and thus you can still be a feminist housewife.
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
Well true feminism is surely about empowering women to make their own choices about whatever. So if it's your choice to be a stay at home mum then feminists should respect that and thus you can still be a feminist housewife.

Yes of course! It’s just sometimes people think it’s bad that I would be happy to a housewife. I think it should be a choice, I went to uni etc and I’m grateful that women get that opportunity now but some people get so angry about women staying at home
Original post by Anonymous
Yes of course! It’s just sometimes people think it’s bad that I would be happy to a housewife. I think it should be a choice, I went to uni etc and I’m grateful that women get that opportunity now but some people get so angry about women staying at home

Yes, well that's just feminism gone wonky and probably what the pink, blue and green-haired feminazis are screaming while they're frothing at the mouth. Ignore their bullcrap. If you want to stay at home and your partner is totally OK with that then that's what matters. Others shouldn't be getting involved and telling you how you're supposed to split bills or whatever because so many people have different arrangements for that kind of thing. For example, I know a couple where the husband pays the mortgage and the wife pays everything to do with the children. An unusual arrangement but if that's what works for them then who is anyone else to tell them differently. As I said, true feminism is about women being able to make any choice they want, even if the choice is not towards becoming a #CEOGirlBoss. The only issue I think could arise from this is that you are then utterly financially dependent on him and if you were to get divorced or something then you might find yourself in serious trouble. But there are plenty of couples like this who never get divorced.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.


There is nothing wrong with what you are wanting in your first and second paragraph. What you are saying in the rest of your paragraphs I have a problem with.
Your boyfriend never lets you pay for dinner, that’s fair enough. Why do you like that though? What does ‘boring bills’ mean? Is there such a thing as ‘fun bills’? Where can I find those sort of bills?
You are getting a house together, yet you don’t seem to be paying for anything towards it. Therefore, I think you should drop the word ‘we’ from your statement.
Nothing to do with feminism. It seems you are just using him.
Original post by Anonymous
I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.

this post is so funny because what you're saying to me is the basis of true feminism

E.G.,
- cooperation with both partners
- not 'slaving' away for capitalism
- being happy
- having choice

What you might be associating feminism with is modern feminism, that's not true feminism at all
Original post by Anonymous
I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.

I agree. You don't need to be a feminist if you don't want to.

Plus, modern "feminism" is getting way too extreme.
Original post by Anonymous
I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.

also, be clever and make sure you ask for a joint mortgage then if that's what you want, because worst case scenario, that's his house, his mortgage and you won't have anything
Original post by 5hyl33n
There is nothing wrong with what you are wanting in your first and second paragraph. What you are saying in the rest of your paragraphs I have a problem with.
Your boyfriend never lets you pay for dinner, that’s fair enough. Why do you like that though? What does ‘boring bills’ mean? Is there such a thing as ‘fun bills’? Where can I find those sort of bills?
You are getting a house together, yet you don’t seem to be paying for anything towards it. Therefore, I think you should drop the word ‘we’ from your statement.
Nothing to do with feminism. It seems you are just using him.


I am not using my boyfriend at all.

He WANTS that and I want that too. Yes all bills are boring which is why I said it. The bills / our two summer holidays are probably the same amount so hardly using him. And no he WANTS to pay the mortgage ( I offered) but there’s not a chance in hell he would let me, his family are very traditional and do not want to be splitting’ the bill with his future wife. He has told me he wants to provide for our family and I think that’s totally OK without feminists assuming I’m a gold digger” or using him. This is exactly my point. Not paying bills doesn’t mean using my boyfriend!
Original post by Anonymous
I mean on a basic level ie having the right to vote and to an education I completely agree with.

But tbh I’m quite old fashioned in terms of being very content with staying at home and my to be husband going to work. I would actually feel very happy staying at home looking after the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I currently work and have a good job but the plan is eventually ( my boyfriends idea too) is that I will stop working when he becomes a pilot. Obviously I can if I wanted to, but I’d rather not.

My boyfriend never lets my pay for dinner ( which I like). He pays all the boring bills and I pay for our holidays. He said when we get a house together he wouldn’t expect me to pay any of the mortgage. And tbh, this is exactly what my parents did / do. And their friends etc.

I just don’t get why everyone’s so offended about men paying if a woman is happy to stay at home.

I think sometimes the definition of feminism is a little mistaken. Feminism is the belief that both genders should have equal rights, and opportunities. This means that women who want to take a more stereotypical ‘men’s’ role - can, and are able to without judgement. Whilst women who want to take a more stereotypical ‘housewife’ role - can, and are able to without judgement. Just because you fall into the latter category doesn’t mean you aren’t a feminist, you just have a different vision, and desire.
Reply 10
Don’t accept the misrepresentation of feminism. It is about equal choice and standing against the discrimination which in former times was rife and still has a way to go in some areas
There's a difference between actual feminism, and militant female supremacy, which is what is so often passed off as feminism.
Yes. :smile:
You have the right to choose your own social & political beliefs, ambitions, relationship arrangements, how you identify and whether you want to support feminism & if so what type.

I'm not a feminist female either.
Remember that feminism is a very broad camp; one that includes a vast range of ideas and diverse groups.
Feminist separatism and radical feminism are each fringe elements within the feminist movement.
The women's liberation movement parted company with mainstream feminism long ago by mutual agreement.

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