ocr rs alevel essay writing help
11
Hi, I'm struggling with essay writing for 40 markers in ocr alevel rs
i think i end up explaining too much and not analysing enough, I struggle with how much AO1 to put in as I try to cram in too much ig and just end up writing/explaining a theory but I feel like i need to , in order to develop my point to analyse it at the end..?
. Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to improve my essays/ how to balance AO1 and AO2 points. The highest mark I've gotten is 29/40.
Does anyone have an examplar essay? TY
Also got feedback on an essay that my essay didn't flow/ had no structure but the AO1 content was good
i think i end up explaining too much and not analysing enough, I struggle with how much AO1 to put in as I try to cram in too much ig and just end up writing/explaining a theory but I feel like i need to , in order to develop my point to analyse it at the end..?
. Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to improve my essays/ how to balance AO1 and AO2 points. The highest mark I've gotten is 29/40.
Does anyone have an examplar essay? TY
Also got feedback on an essay that my essay didn't flow/ had no structure but the AO1 content was good
Original post
by jojo257_Hi, I'm struggling with essay writing for 40 markers in ocr alevel rs
i think i end up explaining too much and not analysing enough, I struggle with how much AO1 to put in as I try to cram in too much ig and just end up writing/explaining a theory but I feel like i need to , in order to develop my point to analyse it at the end..?
. Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to improve my essays/ how to balance AO1 and AO2 points. The highest mark I've gotten is 29/40.
Does anyone have an examplar essay? TY
Also got feedback on an essay that my essay didn't flow/ had no structure but the AO1 content was good
i think i end up explaining too much and not analysing enough, I struggle with how much AO1 to put in as I try to cram in too much ig and just end up writing/explaining a theory but I feel like i need to , in order to develop my point to analyse it at the end..?
. Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to improve my essays/ how to balance AO1 and AO2 points. The highest mark I've gotten is 29/40.
Does anyone have an examplar essay? TY
Also got feedback on an essay that my essay didn't flow/ had no structure but the AO1 content was good
For me the way I write the essay is to explain the main theory and beliefs in the first paragraph plus my opinion and evaluation. I then would include a paragraph that has scholarly views that support the belief or theory and in my third paragraph it will either be another view that supports or a view against and my 4th and 5th paragraphs are against. You need to make sure you evaluate every scholarly view you include and link it back to the question. I then put my conclusion where I put a summary of the arguments for and against and a reiteration of my view on the question. (the best mark I have got is 35/40, so I'm by no means perfect at them but this might help).
Reply 2
jojo257_
OP
11
Thank you!
This helps alot. this sounds stupid but I didn't know you could write your opinion like on a theory?? Would you write it in the evaluation and like in first person using "I think/I believe that ......."?
This helps alot. this sounds stupid but I didn't know you could write your opinion like on a theory?? Would you write it in the evaluation and like in first person using "I think/I believe that ......."?Original post
by flowersinmyhairFor me the way I write the essay is to explain the main theory and beliefs in the first paragraph plus my opinion and evaluation. I then would include a paragraph that has scholarly views that support the belief or theory and in my third paragraph it will either be another view that supports or a view against and my 4th and 5th paragraphs are against. You need to make sure you evaluate every scholarly view you include and link it back to the question. I then put my conclusion where I put a summary of the arguments for and against and a reiteration of my view on the question. (the best mark I have got is 35/40, so I'm by no means perfect at them but this might help).
Original post
by jojo257_Thank you! This helps alot. this sounds stupid but I didn't know you could write your opinion like on a theory?? Would you write it in the evaluation and like in first person using "I think/I believe that ......."?
This helps alot. this sounds stupid but I didn't know you could write your opinion like on a theory?? Would you write it in the evaluation and like in first person using "I think/I believe that ......."?It should be in relation to the question whether you agree or disagree with it, and it is encouraged in fact to write "I believe that.../I think that.../in my opinion... in order to get evaluation marks
Reply 4
jojo257_
OP
11
ok tysm 
Original post
by flowersinmyhairIt should be in relation to the question whether you agree or disagree with it, and it is encouraged in fact to write "I believe that.../I think that.../in my opinion... in order to get evaluation marks
Reply 5
jojo257_
OP
11
i have an update!! Your advice has helped alot and I've improved so much on an essay I just got back. TYSM!
Original post
by jojo257_i have an update!! Your advice has helped alot and I've improved so much on an essay I just got back. TYSM!
what mark did you get?
Reply 7
jojo257_
OP
11
38/40 
i was shocked when i got it back bc our teacher made us self mark it using the markscheme and i predicted myself 26/40 and she said I rlly underestimated myself. Your advice has really helped, thank you❤️😃
i was shocked when i got it back bc our teacher made us self mark it using the markscheme and i predicted myself 26/40 and she said I rlly underestimated myself. Your advice has really helped, thank you❤️😃Original post
by flowersinmyhairwhat mark did you get?
Original post
by jojo257_38/40 i was shocked when i got it back bc our teacher made us self mark it using the markscheme and i predicted myself 26/40 and she said I rlly underestimated myself. Your advice has really helped, thank you❤️😃
i was shocked when i got it back bc our teacher made us self mark it using the markscheme and i predicted myself 26/40 and she said I rlly underestimated myself. Your advice has really helped, thank you❤️😃well done! that's better than I have managed to do, but then again one of my biggest issues is I do not write enough in exam conditions. what was the question?
Reply 9
jojo257_
OP
11
I think "Kantian ethics demands too much of human beings" Discuss"
ah, yeah we did it in timed conditions which definitely helped. But in timed conditions and ur advice helped
ah, yeah we did it in timed conditions which definitely helped. But in timed conditions and ur advice helped
Original post
by flowersinmyhairwell done! that's better than I have managed to do, but then again one of my biggest issues is I do not write enough in exam conditions. what was the question?
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post
by jojo257_I think "Kantian ethics demands too much of human beings" Discuss"
ah, yeah we did it in timed conditions which definitely helped. But in timed conditions and ur advice helped
ah, yeah we did it in timed conditions which definitely helped. But in timed conditions and ur advice helped
we didn't end up doing a question on Kantian Ethics due to the time mocks fell, and teachers having to mark mock papers, so I got out of that one. I find the philosophy of religion questions the easiest, the last ethics question I had to do was very difficult - it was comparing Mill's and Bentham's utilitarianism which meant you had to explain two concepts, evaluate them both and come to a conclusion all in timed conditions. We haven't had the marks back to that one yet though.
Reply 11
17
Original post
by flowersinmyhairwe didn't end up doing a question on Kantian Ethics due to the time mocks fell, and teachers having to mark mock papers, so I got out of that one. I find the philosophy of religion questions the easiest, the last ethics question I had to do was very difficult - it was comparing Mill's and Bentham's utilitarianism which meant you had to explain two concepts, evaluate them both and come to a conclusion all in timed conditions. We haven't had the marks back to that one yet though.
The easiest way to do those kinds of questions (and utilitarianism essays in general) is:
1 - explain Bentham's act util
2 - criticise with e.g. the issue of calculation
3 - explain how Mill's version of Util gets around this issue
repeat with the issue of liberty & rights
If you have time, repeat with another issue - maybe the issue of intentions/character or the issue of partiality.
Conclude that Mill's version is better because it gets around all the issues faced by Bentham's version.
This is enough for a high B or low A. If you want really good marks you'd have to evaluate Mill's version as well.
See details of all these arguments here:
https://alevelphilosophyandreligion.com/ocr-religious-studies/ocr-ethics/utilitarianism/
Reply 12
Hi guys,
I'm doing OCR RS and I really struggle with my essays.Like one of my most recent marks was 29/40 11/16 for AO1 and 18/24 for AO2.I really don't know what I can do to get better as I've checked if Im writing too much for AO1 but that doesn't seem to be the case.Does anyone know of an examiner which reads essays since my teachers aren't really helping or any advice would be appreciated .
I'm doing OCR RS and I really struggle with my essays.Like one of my most recent marks was 29/40 11/16 for AO1 and 18/24 for AO2.I really don't know what I can do to get better as I've checked if Im writing too much for AO1 but that doesn't seem to be the case.Does anyone know of an examiner which reads essays since my teachers aren't really helping or any advice would be appreciated .
Reply 13
17
Original post
by lavish-lilyHi guys,
I'm doing OCR RS and I really struggle with my essays.Like one of my most recent marks was 29/40 11/16 for AO1 and 18/24 for AO2.I really don't know what I can do to get better as I've checked if Im writing too much for AO1 but that doesn't seem to be the case.Does anyone know of an examiner which reads essays since my teachers aren't really helping or any advice would be appreciated .
I'm doing OCR RS and I really struggle with my essays.Like one of my most recent marks was 29/40 11/16 for AO1 and 18/24 for AO2.I really don't know what I can do to get better as I've checked if Im writing too much for AO1 but that doesn't seem to be the case.Does anyone know of an examiner which reads essays since my teachers aren't really helping or any advice would be appreciated .
Yep I'm an examiner. Post one of your essays here and I'll let you know what's holding it back.
Reply 14
Thank you so much, I really appreciate the help
‘Jesus was only a teacher of wisdom.’ Discuss (40)
Jesus, a key figure within Abrahamic religions has always been one of the key centre points for Christianity, with many relying on his ethical teachings to strive to live a moral life. However, the role of him as a liberator, the son of God or rather just a teacher of wisdom has been widely disputed within Christianity. By the end of this essay, it will be shown that Jesus was the epitome of morality, which allowed him to be only a teacher of wisdom in the past and the present.
Many philosophers and Christians would agree with my position as in the Sermon on the Mount,Jesus preached many ethical teachings about love and forgiveness such as ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love thy neighbour.’This is a strong argument as these teachings form the foundation of morality and are used by Christian so they may also strive to live a morally correct life, emphasising him as only a timeless teacher of wisdom who educates all of Christianity.Also,Jesus was referred to as rabbi (teacher) and could read.This is also a strong argument as surely a rabbi would only be a teacher of wisdom and act as a mentor for all of humanity? This shows that Jesus was not only a teacher of wisdom, but he was recognised as one by all the people he taught.Jesus also taught others about money, emphasising that money was not the key to a happy, moral life and that ‘people cannot worship both money and God.’ This is also a strong argument as Jesus is educating humanity on the temporary nature of money,emphasising a close relationship to God is more important.This cements Jesus’ role as solely a teacher of wisdom for many topics within Christians and all of humanity eg: money,love,etc as humanity can be confused and often misguided.Finally,Christian Philosopher,Dawkins,also proclaimed that Jesus was ‘a great moral teacher.’This is a strong argument as Jesus’ teachings are universally known within Christianity, being applied consistently by people to better themselves.Is that not solely due to Jesus being only a teacher of wisdom?
Some philosophers would disagree with my position as Reza Aslan would argue that Jesus was a liberator rather than wisdom teacher, going against the politics in his time and asserting himself as the Messiah.This is ultimately a weak argument as Jesus himself was unsure and never confirmed that he indeed was the Messiah so how could he be asserting himself as the Messiah? Also, this interpretation of Jesus as a liberator has very limited evidence and support while there are many ethical teachings recorded in the Gospels and in the Bible which confirm Jesus as a teacher of wisdom, leading him to be only a wisdom teacher due to the irrefutable abundance of evidence present.Additionally,Aslan may argue that Jesus himself said ‘I do not bring peace,I bring a sword.’This initially seems like a strong argument as how could only a teacher of wisdom be willing to go against peace, rather Aslan would argue, this shows Jesus as a political revolutionary, not a teacher of wisdom.
However, the position of these philosophers is weak as Jesus himself taught on the Sermon of the Mount that ‘blessed are the peacemakers’ and to always ‘turn the other cheek’ to violence.This is an incredibly strong argument as why would a teacher of wisdom go against the moral expectations/ guidelines he set for humanity?This emphasises that Jesus’ ethical teachings helped confirm him as a teacher of wisdom, not a liberator. Finally, claims that Jesus was the Son of God and liberator often have no evidence or real backing other than the Bible which can be biassed.This is another strong argument as claims to Jesus being the Son of God have no real valid evidence, while him being only a teacher of wisdom is proven on multiple occasions through his Sermons and Gospels.
Overall,I would argue that Jesus’ moral teachings emphasise him solely as a teacher of wisdom,not only within Christianity but in society too. On the other hand,some may argue that he is was liberator or the son of god and that we should focus on these qualities of him.Nevertheless,his moral teachings form the backbone of living a moral,Christian life with many Christians using his own perfect life as only a teacher of wisdom, as a template of how they should strive to behave.
‘Jesus was only a teacher of wisdom.’ Discuss (40)
Jesus, a key figure within Abrahamic religions has always been one of the key centre points for Christianity, with many relying on his ethical teachings to strive to live a moral life. However, the role of him as a liberator, the son of God or rather just a teacher of wisdom has been widely disputed within Christianity. By the end of this essay, it will be shown that Jesus was the epitome of morality, which allowed him to be only a teacher of wisdom in the past and the present.
Many philosophers and Christians would agree with my position as in the Sermon on the Mount,Jesus preached many ethical teachings about love and forgiveness such as ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love thy neighbour.’This is a strong argument as these teachings form the foundation of morality and are used by Christian so they may also strive to live a morally correct life, emphasising him as only a timeless teacher of wisdom who educates all of Christianity.Also,Jesus was referred to as rabbi (teacher) and could read.This is also a strong argument as surely a rabbi would only be a teacher of wisdom and act as a mentor for all of humanity? This shows that Jesus was not only a teacher of wisdom, but he was recognised as one by all the people he taught.Jesus also taught others about money, emphasising that money was not the key to a happy, moral life and that ‘people cannot worship both money and God.’ This is also a strong argument as Jesus is educating humanity on the temporary nature of money,emphasising a close relationship to God is more important.This cements Jesus’ role as solely a teacher of wisdom for many topics within Christians and all of humanity eg: money,love,etc as humanity can be confused and often misguided.Finally,Christian Philosopher,Dawkins,also proclaimed that Jesus was ‘a great moral teacher.’This is a strong argument as Jesus’ teachings are universally known within Christianity, being applied consistently by people to better themselves.Is that not solely due to Jesus being only a teacher of wisdom?
Some philosophers would disagree with my position as Reza Aslan would argue that Jesus was a liberator rather than wisdom teacher, going against the politics in his time and asserting himself as the Messiah.This is ultimately a weak argument as Jesus himself was unsure and never confirmed that he indeed was the Messiah so how could he be asserting himself as the Messiah? Also, this interpretation of Jesus as a liberator has very limited evidence and support while there are many ethical teachings recorded in the Gospels and in the Bible which confirm Jesus as a teacher of wisdom, leading him to be only a wisdom teacher due to the irrefutable abundance of evidence present.Additionally,Aslan may argue that Jesus himself said ‘I do not bring peace,I bring a sword.’This initially seems like a strong argument as how could only a teacher of wisdom be willing to go against peace, rather Aslan would argue, this shows Jesus as a political revolutionary, not a teacher of wisdom.
However, the position of these philosophers is weak as Jesus himself taught on the Sermon of the Mount that ‘blessed are the peacemakers’ and to always ‘turn the other cheek’ to violence.This is an incredibly strong argument as why would a teacher of wisdom go against the moral expectations/ guidelines he set for humanity?This emphasises that Jesus’ ethical teachings helped confirm him as a teacher of wisdom, not a liberator. Finally, claims that Jesus was the Son of God and liberator often have no evidence or real backing other than the Bible which can be biassed.This is another strong argument as claims to Jesus being the Son of God have no real valid evidence, while him being only a teacher of wisdom is proven on multiple occasions through his Sermons and Gospels.
Overall,I would argue that Jesus’ moral teachings emphasise him solely as a teacher of wisdom,not only within Christianity but in society too. On the other hand,some may argue that he is was liberator or the son of god and that we should focus on these qualities of him.Nevertheless,his moral teachings form the backbone of living a moral,Christian life with many Christians using his own perfect life as only a teacher of wisdom, as a template of how they should strive to behave.
Reply 15
Original post
by Joe312Yep I'm an examiner. Post one of your essays here and I'll let you know what's holding it back.
AO1-11/16 and AO2-18/24.Thank you
Reply 16
17
Original post
by lavish-lilyThe score for the essay was 29/40
AO1-11/16 and AO2-18/24.Thank you
AO1-11/16 and AO2-18/24.Thank you
Dawkins is not a Christian or a philosopher!
You didn't explain Aslan's argument in enough detail. We need to hear at least one of his arguments about why Jesus was a Zealot. You say going against the politics of the time etc - in what way? We need details!
The evaluation you do of Aslan is not convincing enough to be top band worthy. I'll quote it here:
"This is ultimately a weak argument as Jesus himself was unsure and never confirmed that he indeed was the Messiah so how could he be asserting himself as the Messiah? Also, this interpretation of Jesus as a liberator has very limited evidence and support while there are many ethical teachings recorded in the Gospels and in the Bible which confirm Jesus as a teacher of wisdom, leading him to be only a wisdom teacher due to the irrefutable abundance of evidence present."
You say there is only limited evidence - but you haven't proven that. This is a big problem in terms of getting marks. You then say there are loads of examples of Jesus making ethical teaching - which you've already shown - so that's fine, but why would this make him only a teacher of wisdom?
If you really want to counter the liberation interpretation - bring up some of Jesus' statements where he seems to be against the idea of having political influence - e.g. 'my kingdom is not of this world' & 'give unto caesar'.
The whole sword debate stuff is fine.
Personally I would have done something like John Hick's view of Jesus instead of the sword debate though - that would have got you some more AO1 because it involves explaining the idea of Jesus as just a teacher of wisdom (Hick's view) and then you could evaluate that for AO2.
OR - something about Jesus being the son of God - miracles, resurrection, the basis for the trinity in the bible etc- all would suggest he's not just a teacher of wisdom.
See my A* summary notes for examples of these paragraphs with their full evaluation:
https://alevelphilosophyandreligion.com/ocr-religious-studies/ocr-christianity/the-person-of-jesus-christ/the-person-of-jesus-christ-summary-notes/
Reply 17
Original post
by Joe312Dawkins is not a Christian or a philosopher!
You didn't explain Aslan's argument in enough detail. We need to hear at least one of his arguments about why Jesus was a Zealot. You say going against the politics of the time etc - in what way? We need details!
The evaluation you do of Aslan is not convincing enough to be top band worthy. I'll quote it here:
"This is ultimately a weak argument as Jesus himself was unsure and never confirmed that he indeed was the Messiah so how could he be asserting himself as the Messiah? Also, this interpretation of Jesus as a liberator has very limited evidence and support while there are many ethical teachings recorded in the Gospels and in the Bible which confirm Jesus as a teacher of wisdom, leading him to be only a wisdom teacher due to the irrefutable abundance of evidence present."
You say there is only limited evidence - but you haven't proven that. This is a big problem in terms of getting marks. You then say there are loads of examples of Jesus making ethical teaching - which you've already shown - so that's fine, but why would this make him only a teacher of wisdom?
If you really want to counter the liberation interpretation - bring up some of Jesus' statements where he seems to be against the idea of having political influence - e.g. 'my kingdom is not of this world' & 'give unto caesar'.
The whole sword debate stuff is fine.
Personally I would have done something like John Hick's view of Jesus instead of the sword debate though - that would have got you some more AO1 because it involves explaining the idea of Jesus as just a teacher of wisdom (Hick's view) and then you could evaluate that for AO2.
OR - something about Jesus being the son of God - miracles, resurrection, the basis for the trinity in the bible etc- all would suggest he's not just a teacher of wisdom.
See my A* summary notes for examples of these paragraphs with their full evaluation:
https://alevelphilosophyandreligion.com/ocr-religious-studies/ocr-christianity/the-person-of-jesus-christ/the-person-of-jesus-christ-summary-notes/
You didn't explain Aslan's argument in enough detail. We need to hear at least one of his arguments about why Jesus was a Zealot. You say going against the politics of the time etc - in what way? We need details!
The evaluation you do of Aslan is not convincing enough to be top band worthy. I'll quote it here:
"This is ultimately a weak argument as Jesus himself was unsure and never confirmed that he indeed was the Messiah so how could he be asserting himself as the Messiah? Also, this interpretation of Jesus as a liberator has very limited evidence and support while there are many ethical teachings recorded in the Gospels and in the Bible which confirm Jesus as a teacher of wisdom, leading him to be only a wisdom teacher due to the irrefutable abundance of evidence present."
You say there is only limited evidence - but you haven't proven that. This is a big problem in terms of getting marks. You then say there are loads of examples of Jesus making ethical teaching - which you've already shown - so that's fine, but why would this make him only a teacher of wisdom?
If you really want to counter the liberation interpretation - bring up some of Jesus' statements where he seems to be against the idea of having political influence - e.g. 'my kingdom is not of this world' & 'give unto caesar'.
The whole sword debate stuff is fine.
Personally I would have done something like John Hick's view of Jesus instead of the sword debate though - that would have got you some more AO1 because it involves explaining the idea of Jesus as just a teacher of wisdom (Hick's view) and then you could evaluate that for AO2.
OR - something about Jesus being the son of God - miracles, resurrection, the basis for the trinity in the bible etc- all would suggest he's not just a teacher of wisdom.
See my A* summary notes for examples of these paragraphs with their full evaluation:
https://alevelphilosophyandreligion.com/ocr-religious-studies/ocr-christianity/the-person-of-jesus-christ/the-person-of-jesus-christ-summary-notes/
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