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People call me slow but I have started to get very defensive

I can often be slow, make mistakes and don’t think as quickly as other people. As a result I have been called slow, dosy and some folk have even ‘half jokingly’ implied that I lack intelligence. My grandma before she passed away said that I will never have intelligence like my mum. I asked how do you know who is more intelligent. She said that she could tell as she brought both my mum and me up that it is easy to spot intelligent children by the things they do/how they interact etc. I felt like pointing out how she hadn’t achieved much other than give birth but it would have just ended up a tit for tat argument.

As a result I feel very defensive to the point where I will look for weaknesses in the people who insult/say these things about me. One of those who commented has dyslexia and needed extra time in exams /different coloured paper etc( I certainly didn’t need this and got through my academics with no adjustments). There is nothing wrong with either (please don’t think I have anything against cognitive issues) but if I am called out on my weaknesses why is their weakness protected by a label? For example if I laughed at them for being dyslexic how is that different from me being called thick, slow?

Everyone is different and has their own weaknesses at the end of the day whether they have a label for it or not.
(edited 1 year ago)
Well, one thing that stands out is you don't say a word about working on your issues. If you consistently make mistakes that's going to repeatedly affect your life and frustrate others around you, and lashing out at others will have limited success.

Since you asked, I'll put this quite bluntly. The person you laughed at has a recognized and genetically influenced learning disorder... so what's your excuse?
Original post by StriderHort
Well, one thing that stands out is you don't say a word about working on your issues. If you consistently make mistakes that's going to repeatedly affect your life and frustrate others around you, and lashing out at others will have limited success.

Since you asked, I'll put this quite bluntly. The person you laughed at has a recognized and genetically influenced learning disorder... so what's your excuse?


Maybe the OP could also have some slow type of processing disorder without them realising it but I have no idea and it's not on me to attempt to diagnose the OP 🤷🏾*♀️. You have a fair point though.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Awaitingquavers
I can often be slow, make mistakes and don’t think as quickly as other people. As a result I have been called slow, dosy and some folk have even ‘half jokingly’ implied that I lack intelligence. My grandma before she passed away said that I will never have intelligence like my mum. I asked how do you know who is more intelligent. She said that she could tell as she brought both my mum and me up that it is easy to spot intelligent children by the things they do/how they interact etc. I felt like pointing out how she hadn’t achieved much other than give birth but it would have just ended up a tit for tat argument.

As a result I feel very defensive to the point where I will look for weaknesses in the people who insult/say these things about me. One of those who commented has dyslexia and needed extra time in exams /different coloured paper etc( I certainly didn’t need this and got through my academics with no adjustments). There is nothing wrong with either (please don’t think I have anything against cognitive issues) but if I am called out on my weaknesses why is their weakness protected by a label? For example if I laughed at them for being dyslexic how is that different from me being called thick, slow?

Everyone is different and has their own weaknesses at the end of the day whether they have a label for it or not.


Have you looked into dyspraxia at all? :smile:
It affects slow processing and can make someone seem clumsy and uncoordinated (I have it myself).
Original post by StriderHort
Well, one thing that stands out is you don't say a word about working on your issues. If you consistently make mistakes that's going to repeatedly affect your life and frustrate others around you, and lashing out at others will have limited success.

Since you asked, I'll put this quite bluntly. The person you laughed at has a recognized and genetically influenced learning disorder... so what's your excuse?


I am just thick, according to others. That can arguably be a genetically influenced. I did mention my weaknesses in counselling sessions etc but was basically told not to label myself and was given some tips on being more assertive. I am not sure how to change I have been like this as far as I remember

I haven’t laughed at anyone nor have I mentioned/gossiped about people’s weaknesses and disorders to them. My point was I do feel like pointing out their flaws when I feel defensive. If they have a disorder that is fine but I would have thought they would be the last of people to insult me.

If they wanted to approach me about anything I’d appreciate it but it’s usually in the form of shouting, swearing, gossiping or rolling eyes. I have even been called a r*****.
Original post by Chronoscope
Have you looked into dyspraxia at all? :smile:
It affects slow processing and can make someone seem clumsy and uncoordinated (I have it myself).


I am fine with physical co ordination I was quite good at sports/exercise it is just around people. Mainly at work when I have to think on the spot sometimes I forget basic things. It’s as though I am destined to show myself up. I guess partly as I am focused on what others will think more than the present moment. I find it hard to remember faces, names. When others are watching me I do get clumsy, for example when completing physical tasks like putting papers in a folder I am fine on my own but at work I get all fiddly and just can’t do it.

I didn’t recognise a woman who lives on my street when she was speaking to me in the supermarket. At the end of the conversation she had to tell me who she was. I was on some training at work and we completed an activity/task/roleplay, I couldn’t remember who our prime minister was in that moment, despite me having voiced my opinion on him/politics through the year lol. The more people stares at me in disbelief the less I could recall. I remembered as soon as I walked out of the room feeling like a complete dumb****. I often plan and plan before doing things (more so than others) but then because situations often arise/present unexpectedly there is often something that I am destined to forget or notice. It doesn’t matter how obvious it is. My car got stolen several months ago from my drive overnight, however I didn’t even notice. I was waiting for a friend to pick me up we were going out that morning. I spent time on my drive/arranged my bins that morning but still didn’t notice. It was only when my friend arrived and asked where my car was - the best car I have owned that I took a lot of pride in.

I develop habits, in an office at work someone pointed out that despite the file draws being in alphabetical order I always opened the irrelevant ones first before going straight to the correct one.

Anyway these are a few examples^^ I don’t think there is a disorder to label myself with
Reply 6
Original post by Awaitingquavers
I can often be slow, make mistakes and don’t think as quickly as other people. As a result I have been called slow, dosy and some folk have even ‘half jokingly’ implied that I lack intelligence. My grandma before she passed away said that I will never have intelligence like my mum. I asked how do you know who is more intelligent. She said that she could tell as she brought both my mum and me up that it is easy to spot intelligent children by the things they do/how they interact etc. I felt like pointing out how she hadn’t achieved much other than give birth but it would have just ended up a tit for tat argument.

As a result I feel very defensive to the point where I will look for weaknesses in the people who insult/say these things about me. One of those who commented has dyslexia and needed extra time in exams /different coloured paper etc( I certainly didn’t need this and got through my academics with no adjustments). There is nothing wrong with either (please don’t think I have anything against cognitive issues) but if I am called out on my weaknesses why is their weakness protected by a label? For example if I laughed at them for being dyslexic how is that different from me being called thick, slow?

Everyone is different and has their own weaknesses at the end of the day whether they have a label for it or not.

I completely understand. Honestly that’s a trigger for me. When I get called slow. I shut down completely and my day is ruined. I know I don’t think like others and comprehend stuff well but I know I’m not dumb. I don’t blame you for wanting to insult them back cuz I know there’s always something low you can say to them to make them never call you that again. Most cases I just dismiss them. If I say what I really want to say they may ruin the relationship forever but oh well.

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