The Student Room Group

how to be happy and independent

idk if this post belongs here
-NO BULLYING-
After I started doing a levels I've noticed almost all of my peers are in relationships. On the one hand I wanna feel included/get into a relationship with some random dude and on the other hand nerdy/logical part of my brain tells me to focus on my studies. After I had a (really) bad experience (a lengthy/toxic relationship) a while back seeing ppl my age being in relationships makes me feel anxious, jealous & left out. Apparently these thoughts are hampering my studies.
why is being a single young adult such a stigma...?
can anyone relate to this/has any constructive advice
First of all, I would say that being in a relationship will not bring you happiness. It may seem that way from the outside, but you must be aware that being in one is very difficult especially at such an age when one has to balance their school life with their social life.
Secondly, I think you're not in the right stage to be in a relationship. I say this because you came out of a toxic relationship and you have not yet fully recovered from it. I think that maybe being in a relationship was just something you were so used to so now you do not know what to do.
You need to comprehend your own feelings and emotions and be in tune with your own thoughts first. I don't think you are jealous, it is probably the fact that you cannot cope with not being in a relationship. It is clear that it would affect your studies because your mind does not know whether to focus on your studies or a relationship. You need to know though that right now your studies are more important than anything else. Focusing on a relationship may sound better, but if you get into one right now then you will lose focus of your education and it will take you much longer to deal with the trauma of your last one.

I would suggest maybe getting a journal because it will be easier to work through what you're feeling there. Or if you're scared of someone finding it your notes app is always available.
Original post by brightestgeek
idk if this post belongs here
-NO BULLYING-
After I started doing a levels I've noticed almost all of my peers are in relationships. On the one hand I wanna feel included/get into a relationship with some random dude and on the other hand nerdy/logical part of my brain tells me to focus on my studies. After I had a (really) bad experience (a lengthy/toxic relationship) a while back seeing ppl my age being in relationships makes me feel anxious, jealous & left out. Apparently these thoughts are hampering my studies.
why is being a single young adult such a stigma...?
can anyone relate to this/has any constructive advice


These honestly seem like very natural thoughts. The most sensible thing to do for now is to focus on your studies and do the best you can, relationships come and go whereas the years you have now for your education is kinda a one-time thing, so give it your best shot :smile: you also mentioned feeling distracted by the thoughts of a relationship - so it's obvious that if you were to start a relationship then your studies may decline. It's probably best not to pursue a relationship and allow yourself the time to recover from your past relationship and I do hope you feel better soon.

For me, I had similar thoughts but I gradually became more happier and independent during my time at Uni, I started working on the side and doing unique things that would benefit my studies - yeah, I do work a lot but I feel really independent in the fact that I'm able to provide for myself and that I'm saving up the wages I get for my future. In regards to relationships I don't think it's a good idea to invest your time in to ones with 'random' people - a relationship is not something you can get from a store but rather they happen naturally, besides getting into a relationship for the sake of having one seems kinda disrespectful to the other person, don't force it. Instead make memories with your friends and try new things, be ambitious, go out there - these are all things I've tried and I genuinely feel happy - I hope you find happiness too.
(edited 1 year ago)

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