The Student Room Group

Sick of not having a boyfriend

I’m 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m absolutely sick of it. At uni all of my friends and the girls in my lab group have boyfriends and it makes me so jealous to hear them talking about them all the time. I’ve joined tinder, bumble and hinge but they’re basically just full of boys looking for a hookup and as a virgin I really don’t want that. My friends always say I’m pretty but I don’t get any male attention at all. People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’ but I’ve waited plus I’ve put myself out there and nothing lol. I’m just fed up of it.

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Original post by Anonymous
I’m 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m absolutely sick of it. At uni all of my friends and the girls in my lab group have boyfriends and it makes me so jealous to hear them talking about them all the time. I’ve joined tinder, bumble and hinge but they’re basically just full of boys looking for a hookup and as a virgin I really don’t want that. My friends always say I’m pretty but I don’t get any male attention at all. People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’ but I’ve waited plus I’ve put myself out there and nothing lol. I’m just fed up of it.

In that case, cold approach guys, in university and even out in public, like in restaurants etc.

Us guys like girls who cold approach us. It's a break from the traditional role of guys cold approaching ladies.

And PM me if you want
(edited 11 months ago)
You're 100% not alone. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been in that position before, and when you're around loads of other couples, it's so hard to not feel like a spare part.

There's a few different suggestions here. The hardest one (but perhaps the most gratifying) is learning to love your life on your own, taking your power back and think about what YOU want, need, and deserve from a relationship. Make lists of the attributes you do and don't want and think about the qualities you have to offer others. That way, you might not feel like you really need someone, but they might just be an addition to your life if you let them be.

Another suggestion is to join societies or go to things where you'll meet a large group of people and can have meetings with people who don't just want sex, and you meet them in a good environment. Dating apps can be tough because you can become reliant on them for validation and start to look inwards, but it's only because it's quite superficial. I found hinge to be best when I tried them briefly, but even then the casual dating life wasn't for me.

The final thing is to find friends who are single. It can be so draining to hear about people's partners and it's sometimes insensitive if that's all they ever talk about. Find a new crowd and have your own things so that you don't have to always be on the recieving end.

I hope this helps a little bit. I promise you aren't alone, even the happiest most independent people go through this at some point!
start worrying at 25
Reply 4
Original post by parmezanne
You're 100% not alone. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been in that position before, and when you're around loads of other couples, it's so hard to not feel like a spare part.

There's a few different suggestions here. The hardest one (but perhaps the most gratifying) is learning to love your life on your own, taking your power back and think about what YOU want, need, and deserve from a relationship. Make lists of the attributes you do and don't want and think about the qualities you have to offer others. That way, you might not feel like you really need someone, but they might just be an addition to your life if you let them be.

Another suggestion is to join societies or go to things where you'll meet a large group of people and can have meetings with people who don't just want sex, and you meet them in a good environment. Dating apps can be tough because you can become reliant on them for validation and start to look inwards, but it's only because it's quite superficial. I found hinge to be best when I tried them briefly, but even then the casual dating life wasn't for me.

The final thing is to find friends who are single. It can be so draining to hear about people's partners and it's sometimes insensitive if that's all they ever talk about. Find a new crowd and have your own things so that you don't have to always be on the recieving end.

I hope this helps a little bit. I promise you aren't alone, even the happiest most independent people go through this at some point!

Thank you for the advice. I've tried joining societies in the past but never properly stuck to them so I think I'll try again.

Hinge has been a bit hit and miss for me, I've sent likes to guys but it's very rare for me to match with the guys I've liked. I get about 6 or 7 likes everyday but hardly any of them are my type and if I do match with them they never say anything or ghost me after a few messages so it's a waste of time. I don't like the aspect of liking someone based on their attractiveness anyway on dating apps so I've mostly tried to stay off them.

I love my friends but it is really annoying when they talk about their boyfriends. One of them goes on about hers all the time and I was fine with it at first, but now it's very draining, especially when she knows I don't have one. Another one of my friends is more understanding and doesn't talk about her boyfriend unless he naturally comes up in conversation, which isn't that often, and I'm comfortable with that. I probably will start looking for some more friends though.

Thanks again!
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m absolutely sick of it. At uni all of my friends and the girls in my lab group have boyfriends and it makes me so jealous to hear them talking about them all the time. I’ve joined tinder, bumble and hinge but they’re basically just full of boys looking for a hookup and as a virgin I really don’t want that. My friends always say I’m pretty but I don’t get any male attention at all. People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’ but I’ve waited plus I’ve put myself out there and nothing lol. I’m just fed up of it.


It’s a part of life. Embrace it! Being single rocks :biggrin: I’ve been single my entire 36 years and i’d not have it any other way. ☺️
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 6
Do you have any male friends?
Reply 7
I felt like this. I only got a boyfriend recently and I’m 21. He’s my first boyfriend. I craved a relationship for so many years and I was worried I was never gonna find anyone! But it happened.

It will happen to you too. Give it time and stop worrying about it. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn’t change him for the world, but I sometimes miss my single life! Enjoy single life while you can, your relationship era will come! You’re still young!
Original post by Anonymous
I felt like this. I only got a boyfriend recently and I’m 21. He’s my first boyfriend. I craved a relationship for so many years and I was worried I was never gonna find anyone! But it happened.

It will happen to you too. Give it time and stop worrying about it. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn’t change him for the world, but I sometimes miss my single life! Enjoy single life while you can, your relationship era will come! You’re still young!


i bet he was the one that asked you out, hit on you, but ya, you avoided the panic button, turning point age, not everyone does sadly
Reply 9
Ohh i read this and I really feel for the OP, age 20 is just so nothing...... you have everything ahead of you and loads and loads of time for all that, there is just no hurry for this

If only you could live your life backwards. An older you would be telling you to stop being so daft, just make friends and connections, join clubs and societies, get in common interest groups, have fun. You don't need a BF for that or to be coupled off at just 20 - enjoy being you, enjoy being single.

You are beautiful inside and out, don't forget that, remind yourself

You take care now
Original post by LsDad
Ohh i read this and I really feel for the OP, age 20 is just so nothing...... you have everything ahead of you and loads and loads of time for all that, there is just no hurry for this

I'm not sure this is what the OP wanted to hear :redface:
Original post by Anonymous
People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’... I’m just fed up of it.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m absolutely sick of it. At uni all of my friends and the girls in my lab group have boyfriends and it makes me so jealous to hear them talking about them all the time. I’ve joined tinder, bumble and hinge but they’re basically just full of boys looking for a hookup and as a virgin I really don’t want that. My friends always say I’m pretty but I don’t get any male attention at all. People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’ but I’ve waited plus I’ve put myself out there and nothing lol. I’m just fed up of it.

I visited a large university campus a week or two ago, for a joint recce mission. Whilst there I noticed that everyone was going round singly or in couples or in small groups and nobody was breaking the ice, not even a friendly hello, to anyone that they didn't already know.
On top of that, the conversations that I overhead were so bland and boring. People talking but not saying anything of any real merit or interest. This is something I can forgive, because we're talking mostly 18 to 22 year olds. But it's something to bear in mind that you don't have to say anything special to be a relatively good conversationalist by student standards.

Opening your mouth to complete strangers is so easy - especially on a university campus. You'll find that the more you do it, the more it becomes a part of who and what you are.
Build up your social circle. Be the non-cliquey person that goes round talking to everyone. From there you will find that a boyfriend naturally falls into your lap.

When was the last time you introduced yourself to a complete stranger on your campus?
Reply 12
Original post by jay2013
Do you have any male friends?

Only the guys in my lab group but they’ve all got girlfriends and I couldn’t see myself being in a relationship with any of them anyway, we all get on very well.
Reply 13
Join a few clubs with a higher ratio of male to female where you’ll meet like minded folk, go out to places where singles hang out. Flirt widely, get advice from more successful friends, keep at it. I agree online dating is rubbish, mind you there must be some guys there looking for a relationship
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
Only the guys in my lab group but they’ve all got girlfriends and I couldn’t see myself being in a relationship with any of them anyway, we all get on very well.


No, that's not why I'm asking. You should ask your male friends for genuine advice about where you're going wrong and what you can do to improve. That is if you feel comfortable asking for their advice / help.
be glad that as a woman, you don't need to have as advanced social skills as guys, men do, not saying you don't need them, but i'm a fan of the belief that men need better social skills or better understanding of social cues, social boundaries, social ettiquette, better than women do in order to succeed at dating
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 20 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m absolutely sick of it. At uni all of my friends and the girls in my lab group have boyfriends and it makes me so jealous to hear them talking about them all the time. I’ve joined tinder, bumble and hinge but they’re basically just full of boys looking for a hookup and as a virgin I really don’t want that. My friends always say I’m pretty but I don’t get any male attention at all. People always say ‘just hang on and it will come’ but I’ve waited plus I’ve put myself out there and nothing lol. I’m just fed up of it.

Is there a society in your university for dating or meeting new people? It could be worth a shot if there is. Outside of dating apps, do you get hit on? Do you approach others?
Reply 17
Original post by Zarek
Join a few clubs with a higher ratio of male to female where you’ll meet like minded folk, go out to places where singles hang out. Flirt widely, get advice from more successful friends, keep at it. I agree online dating is rubbish, mind you there must be some guys there looking for a relationship

Online dating has been a total fail, I’ve gotten to the point of taking it off the app a few times and the conversation just goes dead. I’ve also had a few good conversations with people but then they either ghost me or straight up ask me for sex. I’ve never actually met anyone in person off a dating app so they really are rubbish. Just seems like somewhere for men to get an ego boost.
Reply 18
Original post by Doomotron
Is there a society in your university for dating or meeting new people? It could be worth a shot if there is. Outside of dating apps, do you get hit on? Do you approach others?

There’s no societies like that, there’s either just hobbies or sports ones. I’ve been approached a few times in the street by guys but they’ve all been men in their forties so a bit weird haha
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
There’s no societies like that, there’s either just hobbies or sports ones. I’ve been approached a few times in the street by guys but they’ve all been men in their forties so a bit weird haha


That's annoying. Do you have any hobbies?

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