The Student Room Group

Am I a bad muslim for this?

I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?
I am talking from the point of view of a hijabi! First of all, I can see how you were pressured into wearing the hijab, it was similar in my case, my dad always asked me to wear the hijab but I didn't feel like doing so yet. But then after a lot of persuasion I started wearing it, it eventually grew on me. My parents let me wear the hijab however i want, I could just slap it on and they won't mind. You should be able to adapt your own style in you hijab, it is completely fine! You can see my neck when I wear the hijab. There is also a hadith stating that you shouldn't force the hijab on one person, it is just to show self control and agency, and if you don't feel ready to wear it then that is completely fine. There is no age regarding the hijab, it can be picked at whenever you want. I recommend you wear it part time, so you still are a hijabi but you can also style yourself (eg outside school no hijab but inside school you could wear it.) And that is just a suggestion! You can explore different designs to your scarf and different accessories to customise it. If you want you could embrace the beauty off of it. But that cannot happen if you don't have the desire of wearing it. Just remember the hijab doesn't come with age, it comes with the desire to embrace it. I hope this helps!
tysmm! <3
Reply 3
"It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute."
Know, may Allāh reward you, that the point of the hijāb is to conceal your beauty, not to show it off. Don't let your friends deceive you into disobeying Allāh, rather you should be the one who corrects them and sets an example to be followed.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.” It was said: Who are they, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Those who are righteous when the people are corrupt.” Narrated by Abu ‘Amr al-Daani in al-Sunan al-Waaridah fi’l-Fitan (1/25) from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1273); the hadeeth is also narrated in Saheeh Muslim (145).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Ahead of you there lie days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty men who do such deeds. And someone else added They said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4341); al-Tirmidhi (3085) and he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (494). In some reports of the hadeeth it says: They are the ones who will revive my Sunnah and teach it to the people.

You mentioned that you know that the hijab is obligatory, so ask yourself, why is it that you seek other than what Allāh prescribed for you? He has prescribed it for reasons that benefit you, even if you do not know it.
Allāh says (the meaning of which is): "Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." [Sūratul-Baqarah:216]

Furthermore, it seems from your post that you fear your family's reaction rather than the punishment of Allāh. This is dangerous and I remind you to always fear His punishment.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [Sūratut-Tahreem:6]



Original post by 4naaaaa
I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 4
I advise you, may Allāh reward you, to ensure you cover your neck as the hijāb must cover the whole body, except the face and hands. Allāh says (the meaning of which is):
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts, and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…” (Sūratun-Nūr:31). The scholars have mentioned that 'except only that which is apparent' means the face and hands, so anything other than that must be covered as per Allāh's command 'not to show off their adornment'.

May Allāh guide us to that which pleases Him.

Original post by CrystalPistol
I am talking from the point of view of a hijabi! First of all, I can see how you were pressured into wearing the hijab, it was similar in my case, my dad always asked me to wear the hijab but I didn't feel like doing so yet. But then after a lot of persuasion I started wearing it, it eventually grew on me. My parents let me wear the hijab however i want, I could just slap it on and they won't mind. You should be able to adapt your own style in you hijab, it is completely fine! You can see my neck when I wear the hijab. There is also a hadith stating that you shouldn't force the hijab on one person, it is just to show self control and agency, and if you don't feel ready to wear it then that is completely fine. There is no age regarding the hijab, it can be picked at whenever you want. I recommend you wear it part time, so you still are a hijabi but you can also style yourself (eg outside school no hijab but inside school you could wear it.) And that is just a suggestion! You can explore different designs to your scarf and different accessories to customise it. If you want you could embrace the beauty off of it. But that cannot happen if you don't have the desire of wearing it. Just remember the hijab doesn't come with age, it comes with the desire to embrace it. I hope this helps!
"It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute."
Know, may Allāh reward you, that the point of the hijāb is to conceal your beauty, not to show it off. Don't let your friends deceive you into disobeying Allāh, rather you should be the one who corrects them and sets an example to be followed.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.” It was said: Who are they, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Those who are righteous when the people are corrupt.” Narrated by Abu ‘Amr al-Daani in al-Sunan al-Waaridah fi’l-Fitan (1/25) from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1273); the hadeeth is also narrated in Saheeh Muslim (145).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Ahead of you there lie days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty men who do such deeds. And someone else added They said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4341); al-Tirmidhi (3085) and he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (494). In some reports of the hadeeth it says: They are the ones who will revive my Sunnah and teach it to the people.

You mentioned that you know that the hijab is obligatory, so ask yourself, why is it that you seek other than what Allāh prescribed for you? He has prescribed it for reasons that benefit you, even if you do not know it.
Allāh says (the meaning of which is): "Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." [Sūratul-Baqarah:216]

Furthermore, it seems from your post that you fear your family's reaction rather than the punishment of Allāh. This is dangerous and I remind you to always fear His punishment.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [Sūratut-Tahreem:6]

thanks darling!
"It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute."
Know, may Allāh reward you, that the point of the hijāb is to conceal your beauty, not to show it off. Don't let your friends deceive you into disobeying Allāh, rather you should be the one who corrects them and sets an example to be followed.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being something strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.” It was said: Who are they, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: “Those who are righteous when the people are corrupt.” Narrated by Abu ‘Amr al-Daani in al-Sunan al-Waaridah fi’l-Fitan (1/25) from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1273); the hadeeth is also narrated in Saheeh Muslim (145).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Ahead of you there lie days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty men who do such deeds. And someone else added They said: O Messenger of Allaah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4341); al-Tirmidhi (3085) and he said: it is a hasan hadeeth. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (494). In some reports of the hadeeth it says: They are the ones who will revive my Sunnah and teach it to the people.

You mentioned that you know that the hijab is obligatory, so ask yourself, why is it that you seek other than what Allāh prescribed for you? He has prescribed it for reasons that benefit you, even if you do not know it.
Allāh says (the meaning of which is): "Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." [Sūratul-Baqarah:216]

Furthermore, it seems from your post that you fear your family's reaction rather than the punishment of Allāh. This is dangerous and I remind you to always fear His punishment.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [Sūratut-Tahreem:6]

thanks darling <3
Original post by username6107595
thanks darling <3


it is good of you to accept it rather than arguing over it...
Original post by username6107595
I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?


you can persuade yourself by thinking of the rewards you will get in return for it,just like you do for exams...look around youself,there are some students who chill while others are absorbed into books...who do you think will achieve higher grades?what are they sacrificing in retrun for those grades?how about those 'chilling' ones?the answer to these questions will be the same as the deen ones...whether or not you want to/wish to wear a hijab,always keep the intention to be pious or not be astray...this way,Allah may bless you tih the love od deen or facilitate you in practising religious rituals...and don't pay heed to the thoughts that appear in your mind,those are instilled by the shaytaan so you stop wearing hijab too,hence,being even more distanced away from Allah.
Original post by username6107595
I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?


I want to start my reply by being honest. I don’t know enough about your religion and culture to comment on that aspect.

what I will say, from someone who doesn’t follow any religion, I respect you for voicing your internal battles and I hope you find some comfort in the support others are giving you.

I work with people of all faiths, do they all follow it strictly to the letter? That’s not for me to comment.
you are a person with free will and free choice. If the hijab is causing you discomfort of any form. Then you have every right to act on that. As for the your family and others around you, I appreciate it is a hard thing to accept.

to answer your original question. no. I don’t think you are a bad muslim in anyway.
Original post by username6107595
I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?

Asalaamu Alaikum sister. So you say that you felt loved and happy for wearing the hijaab but deep inside you didn't feel true to yourself. Meaning that you don't really understand the true purpose of hijaab nor do you acknowledge or understand your purpose in life hence why you state that you do not pray consistently. Instead you claim to feel low self worth and therefore want validation from others that you look "good". Surely you are here because you want some sort of validation from others that "its ok". Deep inside you know its not ok hence why you made the effort to write out this post and get other peoples opinions. So essentially you want to get attention from guys because surely that is the only way a woman would really know if they "look good". Going deeper than that getting male attention and lustful stares upon you, is that really going to fill in the void and low self worth you feel inside of you?

We need to ask ourselves why we want validation from others as to how good we look on the outside? Do we not have enough self worth that we need to find it in other peoples attention on our external beauty? Do we not just want people to know us and like us for who we really are as people rather than how we look externally? Getting attention for external beauty is like a quick dopamine hit feel good factor, but it doesn't last and so we will keep wanting more and more. However in the end we will never find satisfaction. Hence why Allah has made a covering for a woman's awrah so that she never has to get validation and consequently ends up getting low self worth based on how she looks.

This is why more women turn to Islam than men because they find freedom for the first time in their lives from the shackles of having to conform to how society wants them to dress and appear. They find freedom from the lustful stares of men and having to get validation from others based on how they look. Allah has protected you from such a predicament,. So reflect over this and make Dua to Allah and ask of him to make it easy for you and to make you love the hijaab that he has ordained on you as a blessing, protection and mercy for women.

Consider the following amazing reminder on the real purpose of Hijaab:

Reply 11
hellooo xx
So this is a year later, but I’m curious to see how you’re doing; do you still feel the same way about hijab? The advice people have given here is really good, but as a hijabi it’s lacking soul you know? What I would say is if u don’t feel like the hijab is for you/good enough for it, never think that way babes. Allah accepts all your good deeds done with the right intentions! Especially as it’s more difficult for us living in the UK rather than a Muslim country. If you don’t feel good enough because you don’t pray, my advice would be to seek knowledge/ research on the deen, watch lectures about salah, shahadah, tawheed, etc. because these are more important than hijab. Work on your religion slowly; baby steps. O son of Adam, stand for Me, and I will walk to you.Walk to Me, and I will come running to you Subhanallah! If you want, PM me and we can talk more about this in general xx
Original post by username6107595
I have been wearing the hijab since I became of age (13), however, I am now 15. Since I was a child I was also told to wear the hijab since it is OBLIGATORY. Though, I did feel like I was proud to wear it for a few, in the end it sort of felt like it was forced on me. Not that I was ever verbally forced to wear it, but since my mom and almost every family member wore it, well damn that means I'd have to as well. My grandmother always praised me for wearing it because one of my cousins never wanted to wear it. Having all this support from family members did make me feel loved and happy, but I never felt true to myself. As we all know the stupid stereotype that "All hijab's are good Muslims" comes from ones bias culture, we can all say that we know this is not true. I mean as of now I am hijabi but god damn I ain't the best hijabi of them all lol. I've been going to an Islamic school my whole life and I know Islam inside out. God, I'd feel like such a failure to my family and religion if I took it off. Even when I started to wear it, I sort of just wore it because "I had to", I didn't even do the simple things like prayer, reading the quran and so on, so what was the point? All I am doing is proving people in public that I am Muslim but I wasn't even achieving the basics. I know for a fact that if I took it off I'd be shamed by my family members. No matter how "westernized" we are, my family would still find a way to throw some sort of shade at me lol. And a part from me not wanting to wear a hijab is also the fact that I can't wear anything I like. Even if a little bit of my neck shows, my mom penalizes me for it. It hurts to see my other friends look absolutely stunning in their fits while I look well, not so cute. Help a girl out, what do I do?

tell you what get a few different hijab in different colours that can match well with your outfits then style it so it matches them
Just to note that the thread starter deleted their account so will not be able to respond.

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