The Student Room Group

Advice about leaving home for uni

So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all

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@Kay09932

It sounds like you have found a degree that you are interested in and that you can see the benefits of university, but it's just fear that is holding you back.

It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about leaving home.

There will be other people who will miss family and everything that is familiar.

Enjoy the summer, spending time with friends and family and arrange for people to come and visit during those early weeks at uni, or arrange to come home after 2-3 weeks.

Regular phone or video calls can help you stay connected to life back home, but hopefully uni life will also be busy, fun and exciting!

Take courage!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 2nd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Simons_World
I really hope war doesn’t break out and you're tasked to secure a hill.


this is really unhelpful. people have different issues, you never know what someone is going through. To OP, youll be okay!! once you get into your course youll be focusing on that, and you can always make friends even just with your flatmates if you feel uncomfortable making friends on your course. plus you can always visit home and call your family every day!
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all

Hi @Kay09932,
Congratulations on your offer! Great to hear that you have found a degree your interested in and want to study.
Wanting more independence and leaving home can be scary, but also exciting. Being at uni, you will be experience new things but that does not mean that you won't still be able to do things you do now.
Try not to see uni as the end of being close with your family. Your relationship will change and adjust, but you have some control over that and can still be involved with family. With soo much technology out there you have the ability to stay in contact - message, call and video - so that hopefully will help to not feel alone. It can also make the times you do see each other in person all the more precious/eventful/ something to look forward to.
Have faith in yourself and since you are close with your family and that is one of your concerns I encourage you to talk to them and share your feelings.
All the best - Catherine (University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador)
Yes it's completely normal. Just remember that you won't be the only one feeling this way and that so many people will be in the same position as you. Uni is a big step for us all and probably the biggest change most of us have had so far in our lives, it'll take time to adjust but I'm sure you'll be fine :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
this is really unhelpful. people have different issues, you never know what someone is going through. To OP, youll be okay!! once you get into your course youll be focusing on that, and you can always make friends even just with your flatmates if you feel uncomfortable making friends on your course. plus you can always visit home and call your family every day!


Thank you so much for this, it’s really reassuring :smile:)
Reply 6
Original post by University of Huddersfield
@Kay09932

It sounds like you have found a degree that you are interested in and that you can see the benefits of university, but it's just fear that is holding you back.

It is perfectly normal to feel nervous about leaving home.

There will be other people who will miss family and everything that is familiar.

Enjoy the summer, spending time with friends and family and arrange for people to come and visit during those early weeks at uni, or arrange to come home after 2-3 weeks.

Regular phone or video calls can help you stay connected to life back home, but hopefully uni life will also be busy, fun and exciting!

Take courage!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 2nd year student University of Huddersfield


Thank you so much! Another thing I’m worrying about is that there’s this event at home that I’ve been looking forward to for a while but I think it’s the weekend after I move in, I really don’t want to miss it but everyone says not to go home so soon :/
Reply 7
Original post by University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador
Hi @Kay09932,
Congratulations on your offer! Great to hear that you have found a degree your interested in and want to study.
Wanting more independence and leaving home can be scary, but also exciting. Being at uni, you will be experience new things but that does not mean that you won't still be able to do things you do now.
Try not to see uni as the end of being close with your family. Your relationship will change and adjust, but you have some control over that and can still be involved with family. With soo much technology out there you have the ability to stay in contact - message, call and video - so that hopefully will help to not feel alone. It can also make the times you do see each other in person all the more precious/eventful/ something to look forward to.
Have faith in yourself and since you are close with your family and that is one of your concerns I encourage you to talk to them and share your feelings.
All the best - Catherine (University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador)


Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. It’s all just so overwhelming and I’m worrying so much
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all

Hey there @Kay09932 !
I think in this instance it's definitely more 'fear of the unknown' than anything. You're unsure what to expect and it's making you question things. I think university is an excellent life experience and your first chance of experiencing life as an adult. Think about all the career prospects that going to university can get you. I would think purely about what it was like when you were doing your A-Levels. You'd spend maybe 9-5, 5 days a week at college and then you'd go home and spend the nights with your family. It would be exactly like that at university, apart from on a night you'd go home to your own space or even go out and do something such as joining a society or making friends. You could go home as many weekends as you want if that's a concern for you. But let's say you got a part-time job at university or joined a society, you'd probably spend your weekends working or hanging out with your new friends.

You don't see it yet because what you have right now is comfort for you and you feel close to your family. It just takes that first step to experience first-hand what it will be like living away from home because you are going to have to move out eventually. University is a good mid-point where you can still visit home as well as experiencing living away from it. I imagine that when you get there you'll make loads of friends and your family will still be there for you when you want to come home, but they'll respect your independence and gradually you'll settle into university life. This is completely normal what you're feeling. It's just lingering because you'll have no idea what to expect until you actually get there. My advice is to go for it. I was very nervous to start university but talking to and meeting people on social media that were going to my university gradually helped me to settle in and calm my nerves. You've got a course that you like and you've got an unconditional offer. You're in an excellent position right now. Focus on spending time with your family now and they can help you prepare everything you need to move out. Also, don't forget to talk to them about how you're feeling because they can give you some reassurance and it's not nice to go through this sort of thing alone. Yes, your family may do things without you but at the same time you'll probably be doing things without them. You can always go home and visit and likewise they can come and visit you.

Hope this helped to calm your nerves a little bit, please let me know if you have any more questions about university life or anything like that!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU
Reply 9
Original post by hallamstudents
Hey there @Kay09932 !
I think in this instance it's definitely more 'fear of the unknown' than anything. You're unsure what to expect and it's making you question things. I think university is an excellent life experience and your first chance of experiencing life as an adult. Think about all the career prospects that going to university can get you. I would think purely about what it was like when you were doing your A-Levels. You'd spend maybe 9-5, 5 days a week at college and then you'd go home and spend the nights with your family. It would be exactly like that at university, apart from on a night you'd go home to your own space or even go out and do something such as joining a society or making friends. You could go home as many weekends as you want if that's a concern for you. But let's say you got a part-time job at university or joined a society, you'd probably spend your weekends working or hanging out with your new friends.

You don't see it yet because what you have right now is comfort for you and you feel close to your family. It just takes that first step to experience first-hand what it will be like living away from home because you are going to have to move out eventually. University is a good mid-point where you can still visit home as well as experiencing living away from it. I imagine that when you get there you'll make loads of friends and your family will still be there for you when you want to come home, but they'll respect your independence and gradually you'll settle into university life. This is completely normal what you're feeling. It's just lingering because you'll have no idea what to expect until you actually get there. My advice is to go for it. I was very nervous to start university but talking to and meeting people on social media that were going to my university gradually helped me to settle in and calm my nerves. You've got a course that you like and you've got an unconditional offer. You're in an excellent position right now. Focus on spending time with your family now and they can help you prepare everything you need to move out. Also, don't forget to talk to them about how you're feeling because they can give you some reassurance and it's not nice to go through this sort of thing alone. Yes, your family may do things without you but at the same time you'll probably be doing things without them. You can always go home and visit and likewise they can come and visit you.

Hope this helped to calm your nerves a little bit, please let me know if you have any more questions about university life or anything like that!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU


Wow that is a really good way to think about it! Thank you! Your message was really reassuring and it really did help calm my nerves :smile:

Another thing I was really worried about is I have something on at home that I was looking forward to and really didn’t want to miss but it happens to be the weekend after I move in and I’ve heard so many people say not to go home that early on, I don’t know if it’ll be frowned upon or if it’ll make it harder for me to adjust. I just don’t want to miss it :/
Original post by Kay09932
Wow that is a really good way to think about it! Thank you! Your message was really reassuring and it really did help calm my nerves :smile:

Another thing I was really worried about is I have something on at home that I was looking forward to and really didn’t want to miss but it happens to be the weekend after I move in and I’ve heard so many people say not to go home that early on, I don’t know if it’ll be frowned upon or if it’ll make it harder for me to adjust. I just don’t want to miss it :/

Hey there @Kay09932 !
It sounds like that's a plan you've already got. No one can be annoyed at you for following through with a commitment you already have. So many people come up with these "rules" of what to do and what not to do at uni and that's half the reason some people have a bad experience because they base theirs off what someone else has said. For example, everyone always says if you don't have your second year house sorted out by Christmas then it's really bad and all the good houses will be gone. It's just not true. You already have a plan so I say stick to it.

As soon as you meet your housemates you can let them know about this happening and they'll literally have no reason to be annoyed about it. If you're worried about missing things. there's 6 other days in freshers week for you to socialise on and one day will not make it harder for you to adjust. Think about it the other way around, let's say it's around December time and you already had plans that week with your flat that you made all the way back at the start of the year. Then one of your close flatmates just decides to go home and do something else even though you already had those plans made. You'd be annoyed about it right? Your situation is the other way around, you've got pre-made plans and you should stick to them if you're really looking forward to that thing.

You've got this!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU
Original post by Kay09932
Thank you so much! Another thing I’m worrying about is that there’s this event at home that I’ve been looking forward to for a while but I think it’s the weekend after I move in, I really don’t want to miss it but everyone says not to go home so soon :/


@Kay09932

You are free to go home whenever you want to! If you really want to go this event, then go to it. Have fun : )!

You might feel a little disorientated having just moved your stuff to uni, going home and then heading back to uni, so that's one of the reason's why people say it's better to stay at uni for a bit so that you can settle and get into a bit of a routine, but there's time to do that after the event.

See how you feel closer to the time.

Oluwatosin 2nd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all


Hi @Kay09932 I get how you are feeling I am currently a second year student and this is a decision which I also had to make. With myself due to the cost of living I decided it was best for me to live at home and commute. University can be scary sometimes but what I would recommend is creating a pros and cons list about moving and social life. Having a close family can be hard as you do tend to feel left out but even living at home I still miss things whilst I am studying. You are not making a mistake a lot of my friends live in accommodation as they have expressed that it is an experience as long as you make an effort with your flatmates or peers on your Course you will not be alone. Hope this helps!

Gurpej Kaur(Student Rep)
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all

Hi there

Congratulations on getting an offer! It's great that you've found a degree that you are interested it :smile:
I completely understand what you are feeling and it is difficulty to not let the fear hold you back. But please remember that you will not be the only one feeling this way, there are hundreds of students who are in the same position as you. They will also be worried about leaving home for the first time and feeling homesick. University is a great experience and I often encounter students who wholeheartedly say that they are not the person they were when they first went. Uni gives you lots of life skills and particularly teaches you to be independent. Ofcourse it wont always be smooth sailing, I've been at uni for the last 3 years and there are numerous times when I have felt lonely. But thats practice for the real world because you wont always live with your family. It is important to remember that although it may feel like it, you are not missing out on your home life. I would suggest letting your family know how you're feeling and maybe you can all come up with some potential solutions to help support you such as plan regular phone calls/factimes/have plans to look forward to. It is ultimately your decision at the end of the day but you also need to ask yourself if you're going to regret not giving it a go. Best of luck with your decision and if there is anything I can do to help then please let me know!

Best wishes

Joanna
-Uni of Kent Rep
Reply 14
Original post by hallamstudents
Hey there @Kay09932 !
It sounds like that's a plan you've already got. No one can be annoyed at you for following through with a commitment you already have. So many people come up with these "rules" of what to do and what not to do at uni and that's half the reason some people have a bad experience because they base theirs off what someone else has said. For example, everyone always says if you don't have your second year house sorted out by Christmas then it's really bad and all the good houses will be gone. It's just not true. You already have a plan so I say stick to it.

As soon as you meet your housemates you can let them know about this happening and they'll literally have no reason to be annoyed about it. If you're worried about missing things. there's 6 other days in freshers week for you to socialise on and one day will not make it harder for you to adjust. Think about it the other way around, let's say it's around December time and you already had plans that week with your flat that you made all the way back at the start of the year. Then one of your close flatmates just decides to go home and do something else even though you already had those plans made. You'd be annoyed about it right? Your situation is the other way around, you've got pre-made plans and you should stick to them if you're really looking forward to that thing.

You've got this!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU


Thank you so so much for saying that! That makes me feel a lot better. I’ve had a few people tell me not to go home early but I think I need to trust myself and I know this is right for me. It’s not that I’m going home because I’m scared. Like you said, I already had these plans
Reply 15
Original post by University of Huddersfield
@Kay09932

You are free to go home whenever you want to! If you really want to go this event, then go to it. Have fun : )!

You might feel a little disorientated having just moved your stuff to uni, going home and then heading back to uni, so that's one of the reason's why people say it's better to stay at uni for a bit so that you can settle and get into a bit of a routine, but there's time to do that after the event.

See how you feel closer to the time.

Oluwatosin 2nd year student University of Huddersfield


Thank you so much! Yeah that makes sense
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all


Hi there,

I totally understand how you feel, I felt the exact same before I went to uni. It is totally normal to feel worried, scared, anxious about going to university. Most people will feel this way at some point before they go to uni. You will find your friends, your uni family before you know it and that definitely helps. It is much easier when you have people at uni who you love and get along really well with. You will find these people quickly, most people when they go to uni are on their own, they don't know anyone either and they are worried about making friends and fitting in. You are all in the same boat remember that.
You will enjoy uni if you enjoy the course etc, that is the most important thing.

I hope this helps,

Ellen
Y3 Medical Student
University of Sunderland
Digital Ambassador
Hi there, University can seem like a big step and leaving the routine of family life can seem overwhelming. It's nice to know you have a good support network in your family and it's nice to know they will be there for you when you are at university. I know some students who have tried a couple of days away from their families at first before going to university to experience what it is like to do something on your own. There can be a level of mixed emotions for most students going to university for the first time and being away from home. Remember there will be other students just like you with the same feelings. When you get to university look out for the social events and activities that are going on around you and join in. Look at the course you are doing and see if you can meet your peers via social media before attending, my university has a Facebook group.

Your family will always be there when you return home for weekend visits or at the end of the trimester. I am sure you will all have stories to catch up on about what has been happening for you and for them. Once you begin your course the worries and fears will soon disappear. Hope this helps

ARU Dee
Student Digital Ambassador.
Original post by Kay09932
So I took a year out last year and have applied to go to university in September. I have an unconditional offer but haven’t accepted it yet because I’m so scared.
I want to go because I think it’ll be so good for me and give me independence and freedom. I also finally found a degree that I’m really interested in and I think it would be really good to have in the future. And I don’t want to be stuck at home with no social life or anything to do. I’d rather go than that.
But at the same time I’m just so scared to leave home. I’m so close with my family and the thought of them doing things without me makes me feel so left out. Especially because I’ll be all on my own and I just feel like I’ll feel so lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I can do it and it sounds so exciting but other days the thought of it is just horrible and I feel like I won’t be able to do it.
I’m sure I’d be fine eventually when I’ve adjusted but I don’t know. I don’t want to make a huge mistake.
I just really don’t know what the right decision is. I don’t really know why I’m asking for advice because I know I’m the only one who can make the decision. I guess I just wanted somewhere to rant about it and to know if this is normal at all

Hi there,

Congratulations on your unconditional offer! You should be very proud. Its totally understandable to have these worrying feelings. Leaving home for the first time is a big change and its natural to be apprehension both you and I’m sure your family.
You just have to remember that your family will still be there for you! In the meantime going to university gives you this amazing opportunity. In addition to the academic and career opportunity, university allows you to meet new people who’ll you’ll create incredible memories. For me, going to university gave me a whole new family that I have grown with, laughed with and had the best times of my life with. It would be a shame for you to miss such.

Of course, it will be hard to leave your family but they’re only a phone call away! And they will be there whenever you come home for holidays etc. your relationship may alter but this is natural, and you’ll adjust to each other and grow with each other and it will all be okay.

Good luck with everything! Hope this helped.
- Sophie (uni of bath)

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