The Student Room Group

need help, coworker crush and accidental coming out

Hi, I happen to have a crush on my coworker and apparently I am not subtle when I like someone, this is a long post but I would really appreciate the advice, and I don’t have anyone to get advice from.

This girl is touchy but she is touchy with everyone but she is less touchy with me, we have flirted or maybe it is in my head lol, I think she caught me few times looking at her for a prolonged time. She is just so gorgeous, not just that, she has an amazing personality, very friendly and funny.

She joked around say I am wifey material, when I offered to wash her cup, and then she was watching a few TikToks and she seems to be on gay tik tok.

Tbh I don’t know if what flirting is, we kinda tease each other? I really can’t tell difference betwwwn flirting and friendliness. She told me some personal things about her dad, I thought I got a vibe from her that she is a lesbian, even though she dresses femme. She complimented my socks one day and I was wearing long trousers so she really had to be looking to see them??

Anyway fast forward to today, we had a customer who asked who is this watch for men or women? And i said anyone can wear it but this customer was very adamant and was like no not everyone can wear. I stayed quiet, didn’t want argue with him.

After he left, she was like oh that customer was really adamant wasn’t he about the fact that the watch can’t be worn by everyone…. I don’t remember how but the conversation took a turn and was about lgbt community and she was like are you part of it? I was ******* shocked, this was the last thing I expected for her to ask me, I didn’t know if I wanted to tell her, I have never come out at work before, I said why? No I am not part of it, she didn’t answer I think.

Then immediately she was like are you open to it? And my dumbass went yeah ofcourse I am open to it. I thought the question meant if i am accepting of the community but looking back I think it is the same question as asking if i am a part of the community.Anyway she was like that must be complicated (I felt so seen when she said that )and that’s when I realised I outed myself.

She doesn’t seem to be homophobic, she actually has a good gadar and often says like that customer is gay. She definitely knows I like girls or else she wouldn’t have asked me

I asked her if she was a part of it, she said no , does it look I am?? Is there any chance she lied?

I just don’t know if I should say I am bi or not? Lying about my sexuality felt horrible. I was so taken back by her asking me, straightforward like that? Never had anyone did that.

I felt sad that she said she wasn’t a party of the community , I was delusional thinking she might be, she is religious.

I think people at work know I am bi, since I dress pretty masculine. Idk people have always known I am bi, my school friends knew before I did.

Also why tf can’t I be subtle when I have a crush on someone. Maybe it is because I wear my emotions on my face.

Now if I tell the truth, she knows 100% I like her and then my coworkers might know too. I don’t want to be awkward, I can also pretend that this situation actually never happened and not bring it up.

Also my manager also causally mentioned boyfriend or a girlfriend while we talking about something. I do I have a “I am gay sticker on my forehead?”

I don’t know what to do, I cried after coming home from work today, basically I said to myself I should ignore the part that I am attracted to girls too, life would be easier? Idk who I should date, I am more attracted to women, it’s complicated. Idk how to live my life.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 1
I have no experience with this (and I'm also a guy, and straight, and also 16) but reading this makes me feel really stupid, since I never really knew about the problems that bi people went through. I'll try give general advice as much as I can anyway that would apply in this situation.
I think you should do what you think is right. I also don't think you should just ignore your attraction to women, since that's practically cutting off a part of what makes you who you are. If you feel so bad about lying about your sexuality, and you feel that you can trust this lady, then I think you should admit it (but please don't do it just cause I said it, like I said I have almost zero idea of what you go through). That I think would help both of you figure out where you each stand, you by seeing how she reacts. I think that would be the place to start, and then figure out what to do from there. You need to be able to see how everything stands before you make a move, otherwise you'll trip. And I like the fact you wear your emotions on your face. It makes you honest :smile:

Anyways, that's what I think for now, and please, please take this with only a pinch of salt. I really don't want to mess up what could have been a happy ending. I'm just hoping this coincides with what you are already thinking and gives you the resolve to do what you think is right.
Thx, and good luck! :biggrin:

p.s. I like your nickname, how do you come up with it? XD
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Mashle
I have no experience with this (and I'm also a guy, and straight, and also 16) but reading this makes me feel really stupid, since I never really knew about the problems that bi people went through. I'll try give general advice as much as I can anyway that would apply in this situation.
I think you should do what you think is right. I also don't think you should just ignore your attraction to women, since that's practically cutting off a part of what makes you who you are. If you feel so bad about lying about your sexuality, and you feel that you can trust this lady, then I think you should admit it (but please don't do it just cause I said it, like I said I have almost zero idea of what you go through). That I think would help both of you figure out where you each stand, you by seeing how she reacts. I think that would be the place to start, and then figure out what to do from there. You need to be able to see how everything stands before you make a move, otherwise you'll trip. And I like the fact you wear your emotions on your face. It makes you honest :smile:

Anyways, that's what I think for now, and please, please take this with only a pinch of salt. I really don't want to mess up what could have been a happy ending. I'm just hoping this coincides with what you are already thinking and gives you the resolve to do what you think is right.
Thx, and good luck! :biggrin:

p.s. I like your nickname, how do you come up with it? XD


Yeah, it is impossible to ignore my attraction to women, they are so pretty. I do think I want to be out, it is not a big deal.
I think I felt sad because my crush said she wasn’t a part of the community and I felt stupid for thinking that there is a chance. Lying about it felt not good, and I didn’t expect to feel that way.

I am not going to make a move, I never tell my crushes that I like them, never had the courage to do that and also feel insecure about my personality.

I wish I could not wear my emotions on my face, sometimes it’s a disadvantage , I don’t want people to read me like a book. I overthink so much, I think about how I come across to my crush? Wonder if I act creepy ? I sat a bit close to her yesterday, and I shouldn’t have done that, I think.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
For my nickname, well it’s based on my real life experiences, that I am an idiot….. have you seen Gordon Ramsay idiot sandwich video, it’s from that! Lol
Reply 3
You do what you think is right. However, I don't think you should feel insecure about your personality. From what I can tell (and I know that people tend to act differently online than irl, like I do, since irl I'm awkward as ****, but it can also make them more honest) you seem like a very nice person.
tho I guess, yeah having all your emotions just written there is a disadvantage. idk how to deal with that, since I naturally am very straight faced (which is a slight disadvantage because many times I just look slightly annoyed, when I'm not).
Anyways, if not making a move is what is right for you, then do that (but are you never gonna confess? That would kinda be sad, since I am sure you would make for a nice partner, and it would introduce more happiness into your life, I think)

I'm glad I could be of some help even though I literally have 0 exp in this!

Oh and don't call yourself an idiot. Since everybody is one, in one way or another, then there is really no point singling yourself out and calling yourself an idiot. But anyway, I still like the name!
Original post by Mashle
You do what you think is right. However, I don't think you should feel insecure about your personality. From what I can tell (and I know that people tend to act differently online than irl, like I do, since irl I'm awkward as ****, but it can also make them more honest) you seem like a very nice person.
tho I guess, yeah having all your emotions just written there is a disadvantage. idk how to deal with that, since I naturally am very straight faced (which is a slight disadvantage because many times I just look slightly annoyed, when I'm not).
Anyways, if not making a move is what is right for you, then do that (but are you never gonna confess? That would kinda be sad, since I am sure you would make for a nice partner, and it would introduce more happiness into your life, I think)

I'm glad I could be of some help even though I literally have 0 exp in this!

Oh and don't call yourself an idiot. Since everybody is one, in one way or another, then there is really no point singling yourself out and calling yourself an idiot. But anyway, I still like the name!

So update, I came out to her and told her I’m bi and that I lied about to before. She was like why did you lie? I told her I wasn’t sure about coming out at work.

She was very nice about it, understanding and didn’t judge me for it. She was like you do you, I don’t have a problem and I don’t think anyone who works here has too. She was like it’s interesting that you are bi, I was like it’s not a big deal, it’s only a small part about me.

She was asking me questions about when I knew, if I am out to other people? If I have dated girls before etc.

Apparently when she asked are you open to the lgbt community, and I saw yes, and she said it must be complicated for you, I misinterpreted I thought that meant she knew I was not straight, but she just meant complicated in general, we laughed about the misunderstanding. She also said she asked if I’m part of the community as a joke!

But no she didn’t confess that she isn’t straight, she is as straight as they come. I just hope things won’t be awkward between us, I need to get rid of my crush on her immediately, last thing I would want is to make her feel uncomfortable.

I kinda regret it a bit, because there was no need for me to come out, I could have kept it a secret… especially knowing that she probably knows that I like her.

She said she got some not so straight vibes from me, but didn’t want to assume.

Moral of the story, when people say they are straight believe them, and don’t overthink things!

But I guess overall it’s good that I came out, I am free in a way, thank you for saying those nice things about me, that’s sweet.
And thanks for commenting on my thread, I appreciate your advice
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 5
Original post by idiotsandwich5
So update, I came out to her and told her I’m bi and that I lied about to before. She was like why did you lie? I told her I wasn’t sure about coming out at work.

She was very nice about it, understanding and didn’t judge me for it. She was like you do you, I don’t have a problem and I don’t think anyone who works here has too. She was like it’s interesting that you are bi, I was like it’s not a big deal, it’s only a small part about me.

She was asking me questions about when I knew, if I am out to other people? If I have dated girls before etc.

Apparently when she asked are you open to the lgbt community, and I saw yes, and she said it must be complicated for you, I misinterpreted I thought that meant she knew I was not straight, but she just meant complicated in general, we laughed about the misunderstanding. She also said she asked if I’m part of the community as a joke!

But no she didn’t confess that she isn’t straight, she is as straight as they come. I just hope things won’t be awkward between us, I need to get rid of my crush on her immediately, last thing I would want is to make her feel uncomfortable.

I kinda regret it a bit, because there was no need for me to come out, I could have kept it a secret… especially knowing that she probably knows that I like her.

She said she got some not so straight vibes from me, but didn’t want to assume.

Moral of the story, when people say they are straight believe them, and don’t overthink things!

But I guess overall it’s good that I came out, I am free in a way, thank you for saying those nice things about me, that’s sweet.
And thanks for commenting on my thread, I appreciate your advice


I'm just glad I could help in some small way.
It sounds like everything will be fine so I wouldn't fret too much about it. Anyways, hope everything goes well for you in the future 🙂

P.s. sorry for late reply, long story
Original post by Mashle
I'm just glad I could help in some small way.
It sounds like everything will be fine so I wouldn't fret too much about it. Anyways, hope everything goes well for you in the future 🙂

P.s. sorry for late reply, long story

Hope you doing good.
Vibes are less flirty I think, but I am wondering if I made the flirting up. Anyway she acts normal around me. I was trying to distance myself from her and she noticed that and called me out on it lol. So I just have to deal with this unrequited crush. Still think that there is absolutely no way a straight person would ask if I’m part of the community? Even as a joke. My friends never brought it up and it was obvious I like girls.
I feel like we talk less, or maybe I’m the problem. But idk what to talk to her. Haven’t seen her in 3 weeks bc of holidays from work. Anyway I just wish that I am subtle about my crush cause it’s awkward when everyone knows you have a crush, and I get nervous around her and stupid.
Reply 7
Original post by idiotsandwich5
Hope you doing good.
Vibes are less flirty I think, but I am wondering if I made the flirting up. Anyway she acts normal around me. I was trying to distance myself from her and she noticed that and called me out on it lol. So I just have to deal with this unrequited crush. Still think that there is absolutely no way a straight person would ask if I’m part of the community? Even as a joke. My friends never brought it up and it was obvious I like girls.
I feel like we talk less, or maybe I’m the problem. But idk what to talk to her. Haven’t seen her in 3 weeks bc of holidays from work. Anyway I just wish that I am subtle about my crush cause it’s awkward when everyone knows you have a crush, and I get nervous around her and stupid.


Thanks, got my gcse results back (most of them were 8 so im happy). Its been a while.
I'm not a psychologist but that could be entirely possible, like paranoid people always imagine someone is looking at them or something. If she's acting normally around you I think that might mean that she's moving on with it, so there's no point dwelling on it (again please remember I am 16, have literally only just done my gcse's and have no qualification for giving advice, this is just what I feel).
If you can I think you should move on as well. Just treat her as you would any other person, like your friends. Use this holiday to have a fresh start basically, and relax. There isnt any pressure to force you to do anything. Do what you feel is right and natural, and do not overthink it.
Hope this helps! Hope your summer has been relaxing (I'm talking from the pov here of a student who gets all summer off but i assume you had at least some time to enjoy the weather) :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by idiotsandwich5
Hope you doing good.
Vibes are less flirty I think, but I am wondering if I made the flirting up. Anyway she acts normal around me. I was trying to distance myself from her and she noticed that and called me out on it lol. So I just have to deal with this unrequited crush. Still think that there is absolutely no way a straight person would ask if I’m part of the community? Even as a joke. My friends never brought it up and it was obvious I like girls.
I feel like we talk less, or maybe I’m the problem. But idk what to talk to her. Haven’t seen her in 3 weeks bc of holidays from work. Anyway I just wish that I am subtle about my crush cause it’s awkward when everyone knows you have a crush, and I get nervous around her and stupid.


What a truly kind interaction between you two! Was very fulfilling to read!
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
What a truly kind interaction between you two! Was very fulfilling to read!


Thanks. Just saying, if you rep, you are not anonymous, because reps arent anonymous even if you post anonymously. but cheers :smile:
Original post by Mashle
Thanks. Just saying, if you rep, you are not anonymous, because reps arent anonymous even if you post anonymously. but cheers :smile:

Always post anonymously. But only person recieving rep knows. Fine by me (:
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
Always post anonymously. But only person recieving rep knows. Fine by me (:

Oh just thought you might not know. Well, cheers :smile:

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