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What should I do?

Hi,

I wonder if you guys might be able to advise or give me a suggestion, here goes-

I've been seeing someone for threes years and it seems like now we have broken up. The guy can't seem to commit to me, but always goes around flirting with and trying to get with other girls, so it made me crazy and I just wanted to end it which i believe its over now, but the guy still wants to give us another chance.

During the time we were together, I always did my best to help him- such as listening to him when he didn't get along with his dad and his dad having alcohol problems, and also helping him with his coursework and homework and studying for tests and exams as he can't focus too much on things and he often gets distracted. I even always used to give up my time just to help him and be there for him, and use my money to buy him things like clothes and school stuff and his textbooks.

Well I've been doing some reflecting upon myself and I feel that the reason I always did what i did was to always keep him with me so I don't feel alone or I'm not lonely. Even after all he did to me to hurt me by cheating on me and then talking about him flirting with girls, I still didn't want to lose him. I would even say things like 'I love you so much but you can't even see that'. However, thinking about it now, maybe it just wasn't love, maybe it was just me being afraid to lose him and afraid of being alone. Perhaps I did all those things, all the things he wanted just so that he will stay with me.

With him saying that he want to give us another chance and to try to make it work this time, well should I tell him about how I feel or what I've come to realise after reflecting on my actions? I mean it does sound like I am selfish in a way (doing all the things he wanted just so that he stays with me), but I think I should at least let him know that maybe it wasn't love i felt for him, i mean there must have been love I felt in some way, but it mostly wasn't that I believe.
To me it sound like he was the wrong guy for you but at a timing where it felt right for the both of you and that might be why you feel still despite what he's done an attachment. So the best thing is probably to tell him exactly how you feel about the relationship,his actions, your actions and if he denies or tries to ignore those things its best to leave it.
Good luck however it turns out
Hi! 👋, i think you should man up and tell him how you feel! :cool:
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,

I wonder if you guys might be able to advise or give me a suggestion, here goes-

I've been seeing someone for threes years and it seems like now we have broken up. The guy can't seem to commit to me, but always goes around flirting with and trying to get with other girls, so it made me crazy and I just wanted to end it which i believe its over now, but the guy still wants to give us another chance.

During the time we were together, I always did my best to help him- such as listening to him when he didn't get along with his dad and his dad having alcohol problems, and also helping him with his coursework and homework and studying for tests and exams as he can't focus too much on things and he often gets distracted. I even always used to give up my time just to help him and be there for him, and use my money to buy him things like clothes and school stuff and his textbooks.

Well I've been doing some reflecting upon myself and I feel that the reason I always did what i did was to always keep him with me so I don't feel alone or I'm not lonely. Even after all he did to me to hurt me by cheating on me and then talking about him flirting with girls, I still didn't want to lose him. I would even say things like 'I love you so much but you can't even see that'. However, thinking about it now, maybe it just wasn't love, maybe it was just me being afraid to lose him and afraid of being alone. Perhaps I did all those things, all the things he wanted just so that he will stay with me.

With him saying that he want to give us another chance and to try to make it work this time, well should I tell him about how I feel or what I've come to realise after reflecting on my actions? I mean it does sound like I am selfish in a way (doing all the things he wanted just so that he stays with me), but I think I should at least let him know that maybe it wasn't love i felt for him, i mean there must have been love I felt in some way, but it mostly wasn't that I believe.


I'm sorry to hear this. You don't sound selfish at all, if a relationship is supposed to last and you want to keep someone by your side of course you need to be respectful, kind and helpful towards them. You've done everything for him and it literally sounds like he's been using you all this time. You've been his safety net and have taken care of him like a second mother. The fact that he's going around flirting and cheating despite being with you all this time shows he doesn't want you, just the benefits you give him and you guys breaking up and him returning is realising all those nice things you did for him have stopped. Don't bother with vile people like that - move on. You deserve someone who's worthy of your feelings rather than someone as pathetic as him, shut him out of your life so that you can break free of him. Don't even waste your time having this conversation with him - it'll make things harder for you. I hope you find someone that treats you right. :suith:
It's important to take time to reflect on your feelings and motivations in a relationship, especially after a breakup. It seems like you have gained some insight into your own behavior and emotions during your time together.

If you're considering giving the relationship another chance, it can be valuable to have an open and honest conversation with your ex-partner. Communication is key in any relationship, and expressing your thoughts and feelings can help both of you understand each other better.

You can share with him what you've realized during your reflection process. Let him know that you've come to understand that your actions may have been driven by fear of being alone rather than genuine love. It's important to approach this conversation with empathy and without blaming him for your actions. Instead, focus on your own growth and self-awareness.

By sharing your reflections, you're allowing both of you to have a more transparent and authentic connection. It can also provide an opportunity for deeper communication and understanding between you, which may help in deciding whether to give the relationship another chance.

However, it's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and consider whether this relationship is truly healthy and fulfilling for you. Take the time to evaluate whether the issues that led to the breakup have been resolved or can be addressed in a way that supports your needs and values. Trust and commitment are essential in a relationship, so ensure that you're entering into a potential reconciliation with realistic expectations and a clear understanding of what you want and deserve.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to give the relationship another chance is up to you. Trust your instincts, consider your emotional well-being, and make a choice that aligns with your own growth and happiness.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,

I wonder if you guys might be able to advise or give me a suggestion, here goes-

I've been seeing someone for threes years and it seems like now we have broken up. The guy can't seem to commit to me, but always goes around flirting with and trying to get with other girls, so it made me crazy and I just wanted to end it which i believe its over now, but the guy still wants to give us another chance.

During the time we were together, I always did my best to help him- such as listening to him when he didn't get along with his dad and his dad having alcohol problems, and also helping him with his coursework and homework and studying for tests and exams as he can't focus too much on things and he often gets distracted. I even always used to give up my time just to help him and be there for him, and use my money to buy him things like clothes and school stuff and his textbooks.

Well I've been doing some reflecting upon myself and I feel that the reason I always did what i did was to always keep him with me so I don't feel alone or I'm not lonely. Even after all he did to me to hurt me by cheating on me and then talking about him flirting with girls, I still didn't want to lose him. I would even say things like 'I love you so much but you can't even see that'. However, thinking about it now, maybe it just wasn't love, maybe it was just me being afraid to lose him and afraid of being alone. Perhaps I did all those things, all the things he wanted just so that he will stay with me.

With him saying that he want to give us another chance and to try to make it work this time, well should I tell him about how I feel or what I've come to realise after reflecting on my actions? I mean it does sound like I am selfish in a way (doing all the things he wanted just so that he stays with me), but I think I should at least let him know that maybe it wasn't love i felt for him, i mean there must have been love I felt in some way, but it mostly wasn't that I believe.

Break away for good and be free

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