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How to make it easier

Salaam I’m 22 shortly turning 23 this coming December. I have made my intentions clear to the girl who I wish to marry that it is her who I want hands to marriage with and my mother to approach her parents to discuss this matter. Although what saddens me the most is yes acknowledging financial stability others such as close friends that I’ve known year by are getting married that too around my age group 24 for example when I met a old brother from mosque who I would meet for daily prayers and whilst me and her both want to get married now that’s the whole reason behind holding this and whilst my mother gave encouragement to our marriage what can I really do…

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Reply 1
Salaam.

Sorry, I didn't quite catch what you were trying to say because you didn't raise any questions.
Reply 2
Original post by Meheraj
Salaam.

Sorry, I didn't quite catch what you were trying to say because you didn't raise any questions.

W/Salaam my question to you is me turning 23 and her turning 21 ideally we had a set age to when we want to get married and at the very least for turning 21 she would have wanted to tell her parents on her intentions of getting married although I feel ready for marriage and we both want to get married though there’s the concern about being financially stable what is it best to do and how do I go forward about this I’ve already told my mother she’s given her consent she tried telling her mother yet her mother wasn’t open to it although she’s given me reassurance that albeit knowing force marriage isn't a thing in our religion that I’m the one she wants to marry I want to go and ask her family myself yet my mother keeps telling me about being culturally respectful about it…until she can at least tell her mother before doing anything else..
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
W/Salaam my question to you is me turning 23 and her turning 21 ideally we had a set age to when we want to get married and at the very least for turning 21 she would have wanted to tell her parents on her intentions of getting married although I feel ready for marriage and we both want to get married though there’s the concern about being financially stable what is it best to do and how do I go forward about this I’ve already told my mother she’s given her consent she tried telling her mother yet her mother wasn’t open to it although she’s given me reassurance that albeit knowing force marriage isn't a thing in our religion that I’m the one she wants to marry I want to go and ask her family myself yet my mother keeps telling me about being culturally respectful about it…until she can at least tell her mother before doing anything else..


What do you do? Like any jobs? If you're not financially stable, do you really think it's the right time to get married? Also, do you want your would-be wife to be a housewife? If you do that, then bear in mind that you'll have to bear the full expense of your family. If you let her do a job, then she'll be able to accompany you. So think about these aspects.

Ask her what her mother wants and why her mother isn't willing to do it yet. Yeah, I know about forced marriage. Your mother isn't wrong at all. She should try to convince her parents first. Then, you can ask for approval. Be patient and wise when making decisions. In-sha-Allah, everything will be alright.

Due to asking some personal questions, please don't get offended. I just raised those questions so that you can give yourself enough time to think about the circumstances before taking any steps. Hope this makes sense.
Reply 4
Original post by Meheraj
What do you do? Like any jobs? If you're not financially stable, do you really think it's the right time to get married? Also, do you want your would-be wife to be a housewife? If you do that, then bear in mind that you'll have to bear the full expense of your family. If you let her do a job, then she'll be able to accompany you. So think about these aspects.

Ask her what her mother wants and why her mother isn't willing to do it yet. Yeah, I know about forced marriage. Your mother isn't wrong at all. She should try to convince her parents first. Then, you can ask for approval. Be patient and wise when making decisions. In-sha-Allah, everything will be alright.

Due to asking some personal questions, please don't get offended. I just raised those questions so that you can give yourself enough time to think about the circumstances before taking any steps. Hope this makes sense.

Jobs wise I am a sales assistant finished my degree now a postgraduate looking for job scheme and post graduate jobs as a IT Technical Support. I also want my would be house wife to have her freedom and opportunity to pursue and complete her education for her career progression we discussed about this a Nikkah remains a possibility whilst remaining with her parents before moving in or living in a household of our own whilst continuing and we are open to it.

Her mother wants her to complete her education and that she doesn’t think she’s ready for marriage yet but she says she is and feels ready yeah shukriya and jazak allah my brother :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Jobs wise I am a sales assistant finished my degree now a postgraduate looking for job scheme and post graduate jobs as a IT Technical Support. I also want my would be house wife to have her freedom and opportunity to pursue and complete her education for her career progression we discussed about this a Nikkah remains a possibility whilst remaining with her parents before moving in or living in a household of our own whilst continuing and we are open to it.

Her mother wants her to complete her education and that she doesn’t think she’s ready for marriage yet but she says she is and feels ready yeah shukriya and jazak allah my brother :smile:

“Would be housewife”? Is the happy with this?

Also, haven’t you made the same thread asking the same thing before a lot of times? Not trying to be intrusive or mean, just that if her mother doesn’t want her daughter to get married yet then whatever you say won’t change her mind. Does she even want to get married now herself?
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
“Would be housewife”? Is the happy with this?

Also, haven’t you made the same thread asking the same thing before a lot of times? Not trying to be intrusive or mean, just that if her mother doesn’t want her daughter to get married yet then whatever you say won’t change her mind. Does she even want to get married now herself?

Meherej said would be house wife I’m only using his reference to say that’s not the case and honestly I’m just in need of desperate advice from fellow brothers and sisters I don’t see what I’m doing wrong yes she wants to get married herself.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Meherej said would be house wife I’m only using his reference to say that’s not the case and honestly I’m just in need of desperate advice from fellow brothers and sisters I don’t see what I’m doing wrong yes she wants to get married herself.

You’re not doing anything wrong. I was just asking a question that’s all.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
You’re not doing anything wrong. I was just asking a question that’s all.

It’s okay you have the right to ask and I appreciate your help it’s just like I am in need of advice like I turn 23 soon she turns 21 alhamdulliah Ive waited well over a year for her and she at the time told me if we were to get married it’d be 2-3 years max to wait I want to at the very least get something then therefore fixed between my family and hers that just gives me a comforting assurance only because I really want to marry her she’s really lovely well mannered and polite thoughtful and hardworking and sweet allahuma barik
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
It’s okay you have the right to ask and I appreciate your help it’s just like I am in need of advice like I turn 23 soon she turns 21 alhamdulliah Ive waited well over a year for her and she at the time told me if we were to get married it’d be 2-3 years max to wait I want to at the very least get something then therefore fixed between my family and hers that just gives me a comforting assurance only because I really want to marry her she’s really lovely well mannered and polite thoughtful and hardworking and sweet allahuma barik

Maybe you and the girl you have met should speak to her parents if this is what you both want. I am not familiar with your culture so I’m not sure if this is acceptable but this is the only solution in my opinion
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
Maybe you and the girl you have met should speak to her parents if this is what you both want. I am not familiar with your culture so I’m not sure if this is acceptable but this is the only solution in my opinion


The thing is I am fearful of her parents like imagine if they are strict or something I think culturally we’d usually wait for her to talk to her parents to then make it clear that I am awaiting her hand to marriage
Original post by Anonymous
The thing is I am fearful of her parents like imagine if they are strict or something I think culturally we’d usually wait for her to talk to her parents to then make it clear that I am awaiting her hand to marriage

So then there is nothing you can do and you should wait then.
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
Jobs wise I am a sales assistant finished my degree now a postgraduate looking for job scheme and post graduate jobs as a IT Technical Support. I also want my would be house wife to have her freedom and opportunity to pursue and complete her education for her career progression we discussed about this a Nikkah remains a possibility whilst remaining with her parents before moving in or living in a household of our own whilst continuing and we are open to it.

Her mother wants her to complete her education and that she doesn’t think she’s ready for marriage yet but she says she is and feels ready yeah shukriya and jazak allah my brother :smile:

Ma-sha-Allah, that's not bad at all. So, my whole point was as long as you believe you're capable of fulfilling the demands of your would-be wife or taking responsibility to run the family, you can definitely marry her. Glad to hear that you'll give her freedom for her career progression.

If both of you want everyone's approval from both families, then you would need to accept what her family thinks. Again, it's your call to make. Hopefully, Allah will make your way smooth. :smile:
Reply 13
Original post by Meheraj
Ma-sha-Allah, that's not bad at all. So, my whole point was as long as you believe you're capable of fulfilling the demands of your would-be wife or taking responsibility to run the family, you can definitely marry her. Glad to hear that you'll give her freedom for her career progression.

If both of you want everyone's approval from both families, then you would need to accept what her family thinks. Again, it's your call to make. Hopefully, Allah will make your way smooth. :smile:


Jazakallah. That I do feel yes definitely but I am quite sceptic to how her parents would feel over that although yeah definitely I always wanted her and encouraged her as like my mother and family for her to complete her studies before this is possible or at the least get married stay in her house or our house yet continue my family has given approval it’s her family I’m awaiting and she is waiting till her 21st birthday yet her parents are strict and that too I am therefore worried about In Sha Allah :redface:
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
Jobs wise I am a sales assistant finished my degree now a postgraduate looking for job scheme and post graduate jobs as a IT Technical Support. I


You are a graduate, not a postgraduate. Postgraduates are people enrolled on Level 7+ qualifications.

If money is the only issue then Meheraj really has the best advice so far, I think. I hope you get sorted, this all sounds very stressful when instead it should be a time of celebration and hope for the future for you both.
Reply 15
Original post by gjd800
You are a graduate, not a postgraduate. Postgraduates are people enrolled on Level 7+ qualifications.

If money is the only issue then Meheraj really has the best advice so far, I think. I hope you get sorted, this all sounds very stressful when instead it should be a time of celebration and hope for the future for you both.

Sorry my bad. Seem to get that confused. Thank you very much man :smile:
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
Jazakallah. That I do feel yes definitely but I am quite sceptic to how her parents would feel over that although yeah definitely I always wanted her and encouraged her as like my mother and family for her to complete her studies before this is possible or at the least get married stay in her house or our house yet continue my family has given approval it’s her family I’m awaiting and she is waiting till her 21st birthday yet her parents are strict and that too I am therefore worried about In Sha Allah :redface:

I understand where you're coming from. There are a few families who are really strict with words. Your would-be in-laws' family is neither different. So, the best thing you can do is wait patiently for some time and get married when everything is sorted.

Don't worry, brother. Just pray to the Almighty and he'll make your way easier than you can expect. Good luck! :crossedf:
Reply 17
Original post by Meheraj
I understand where you're coming from. There are a few families who are really strict with words. Your would-be in-laws' family is neither different. So, the best thing you can do is wait patiently for some time and get married when everything is sorted.

Don't worry, brother. Just pray to the Almighty and he'll make your way easier than you can expect. Good luck! :crossedf:

The thing is I waited a year I have told her that there should be some form of positive news by at least the summer of next year even though she said it maybe a 2-3 year wait what hurts is you see old friends like friends you know from mosque those in the same age barrier having got married feels a little hard to reflect upon like don’t get me wrong I congratulate and am happy for them and then looking at this scenario I’m like hmmm…
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
The thing is I waited a year I have told her that there should be some form of positive news by at least the summer of next year even though she said it maybe a 2-3 year wait what hurts is you see old friends like friends you know from mosque those in the same age barrier having got married feels a little hard to reflect upon like don’t get me wrong I congratulate and am happy for them and then looking at this scenario I’m like hmmm…

Provided that you guys are committed to each other, I don't see any issues for you waiting for her. In the meantime, you can build a really good foundation perhaps before getting married. Frankly speaking, I do eye-to-eye with her to some extent. Just take me as an example, I'm 22 like you and will be 23 in December too. But I haven't thought yet of getting married due to having other priorities in life. Maybe there are things she's looking at but you're missing them. Ask her to share them with you which will assist you to comprehend the context.

Also, I would suggest you not try running harder like others. Be sensible and run at your own pace because every single person is different to others. So, don't stress and most importantly don't get me wrong. :biggrin: Your time will come for sure. It could be a few days earlier or later. That's it. Remember sometimes waiting for something worth it.

P.S. Forgot to tell you that despite being the same age, many of my friends even have one or two kids. Meanwhile, I'm yet to think of getting married. So, everyone's wheel runs differently.
(edited 12 months ago)
Reply 19
Original post by Meheraj
Provided that you guys are committed to each other, I don't see any issues for you waiting for her. In the meantime, you can build a really good foundation perhaps before getting married. Frankly speaking, I do eye-to-eye with her to some extent. Just take me as an example, I'm 22 like you and will be 23 in December too. But I haven't thought yet of getting married due to having other priorities in life. Maybe there are things she's looking at but you're missing them. Ask her to share them with you which will assist you to comprehend the context.

Also, I would suggest you not try running harder like others. Be sensible and run at your own pace because every single person is different to others. So, don't stress and most importantly don't get me wrong. :biggrin: Your time will come for sure. It could be a few days earlier or later. That's it. Remember sometimes waiting for something worth it.

P.S. Forgot to tell you that despite being the same age, many of my friends even have one or two kids. Meanwhile, I'm yet to think of getting married. So, everyone's wheel runs differently.

Yeah we are definitely committed to one and another I have a savings account set up in order to merge and add savings of our own towards a wedding yes a December brother we are the cool ones :biggrin: what date if you don’t mind me asking yeah but it’s been a emotional wait but good things happen to those that wait. I am open to the thought of kids but that would be a couple of years down marriage.

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