Making Mr Love Proud: Chasing A* (23-24)
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Original post by zeasea
Welcome! You've caught me in a low point, but feel free to join in with the weekly chaos 🙂
Haha no worries, it's a marathon not a race in the end.
Looking forward to see how you progress over the next 8 months
Original post by Jieay20
Haha no worries, it's a marathon not a race in the end.
Looking forward to see how you progress over the next 8 months
You did not have to remind me it's less than a year away oh dear god 🫠
I'm so mad, TSR removed the colour and text size options in the UI update. This means my posts may be more difficult to read as everything will be the same size. Also, since the new design is still significantly inaccessible to me despite providing feedback early on, please note my posts may slow down or entirely stop for certain periods.
(edited 11 months ago)
✨BRING BACK THE COLOUR AND SIZE FORMATTING, or, BPhO is deranged✨
No seriously I'm still mad and I will continue to be. I can barely use this damn platform now, especially with that 'What are you studying?' popup quiz constantly showing up even though I've completed it 5 times now. Also it doesn't even save your text alignment preference if you start a new line. I don't know what the fuck the TSR mods were thinking, this is absolute shit. Also bullet points are left-align only, but a dash automatically 'corrects' to a bullet point, so you literally just can't do lists in centre alignment. If this is the price we pay for working sidebar polls, the polls can go back to being broken thanks.
→ Great, at least this works.
→ First paper of BPhO done. It was not nearly as hard as the past paper I was doing, which makes me wonder what the hell was going on with the 2021 paper. One of the people who was meant to be doing it didn't show up (she's been in like once since half term), so my physics teacher literally just went and grabbed someone from our class and made him do it with about 3 minutes of notice 😭 Bro's never even looked at a BPhO paper before
→ I desperately need new ANC headphones, except my school bursary is taking ages for no reason and I can't get them until the bursary comes through. In the meantime I'm periodically borrowing my physics teacher's. They're Sennheiser Momentum 4s. I want them.
→ Mocks start on 20 November. None of the teachers were told about this development somehow.
→ We're meant to have a fancy new sign-in system where we swipe our cards and it signs us in and out. Only one problem: it doesn't work, which is to be expected, except they've also stopped putting out the manual sign-in sheets as they wrongly believe the new system works, which means that now we get told off for not signing in when there's physically no way to.
Tags assuming they'll actually work and aren't broken like everything else:
@hyacinth77
No seriously I'm still mad and I will continue to be. I can barely use this damn platform now, especially with that 'What are you studying?' popup quiz constantly showing up even though I've completed it 5 times now. Also it doesn't even save your text alignment preference if you start a new line. I don't know what the fuck the TSR mods were thinking, this is absolute shit. Also bullet points are left-align only, but a dash automatically 'corrects' to a bullet point, so you literally just can't do lists in centre alignment. If this is the price we pay for working sidebar polls, the polls can go back to being broken thanks.
→ Great, at least this works.
→ First paper of BPhO done. It was not nearly as hard as the past paper I was doing, which makes me wonder what the hell was going on with the 2021 paper. One of the people who was meant to be doing it didn't show up (she's been in like once since half term), so my physics teacher literally just went and grabbed someone from our class and made him do it with about 3 minutes of notice 😭 Bro's never even looked at a BPhO paper before
→ I desperately need new ANC headphones, except my school bursary is taking ages for no reason and I can't get them until the bursary comes through. In the meantime I'm periodically borrowing my physics teacher's. They're Sennheiser Momentum 4s. I want them.
→ Mocks start on 20 November. None of the teachers were told about this development somehow.
→ We're meant to have a fancy new sign-in system where we swipe our cards and it signs us in and out. Only one problem: it doesn't work, which is to be expected, except they've also stopped putting out the manual sign-in sheets as they wrongly believe the new system works, which means that now we get told off for not signing in when there's physically no way to.
Tags assuming they'll actually work and aren't broken like everything else:
@hyacinth77
Original post by zeasea
Just got a rejection from Cambridge. Not really sure what to do now. Haven't even told anyone yet.
Sorry about that bro. You'll get over it soon, i hope. I think good advice would be to just take it on the chin (because realistically you got a long life ahead and this rejection is just a tiny fraction of it) and focus on your exams, you'll be going to a good uni regardless and if you want to reapply you need good real grades this time. Hope your okay bro
Original post by zeasea
Just got a rejection from Cambridge. Not really sure what to do now. Haven't even told anyone yet.
I’m sorry to hear that.
Know that it is Cambridge’s loss. When you do go off to uni (wherever that may be), you will excel and perhaps you may even be in a position to study at Cambridge at postgrad level at the end of it.
I'll be honest, being rejected from Cambridge isn't even my only problem, and if anything it's helped me to uncover and face a different problem I've sort of been denying this whole time.
Ever since I submitted my UCAS application I've had sort of a bad feeling about my subject choice, that it isn't really what I'm interested in, etc. but I've been denying it with 'oh well I wouldn't want to do this because that' and so on because of the possibility of a successful application to Cambridge.
Now that I've been rejected I feel that I can give myself permission to realise that this isn't really what I want to do, and to start thinking about what I *actually* want to do.
The truth is that I wasn't planning on being alive for this long. I was meant to kill myself before I even took my GCSEs. I was never meant to be here. As a result I've never thought about any of this very much at all, because why would I when I wouldn't be alive to experience it? Basically I'm completely winging all of this, and obviously that leads to mistakes. And here we are again in the midst of another one of my many mistakes.
It's just that now I might know what I don't massively want to do, but I also don't know what I do want to do, because again, I've never given this any thought. Because I wasn't meant to be here alive right now. I feel like I've ruined everything but I don't know how to fix it, because I have no idea how to find out what I really want to do (I know vague directions, but not what jobs can come from it or anything) and I'm scared to even tell anyone at school I've been rejected. I don't know what I'd do in a gap year (aside from finally privately doing FM), I don't know what jobs I'd get from my other options, I don't know what to do.
So although I've been empowered to entertain my existential crisis, I don't know how to fix it. Once again, I have ruined everything and don't know how to fix it.
Ever since I submitted my UCAS application I've had sort of a bad feeling about my subject choice, that it isn't really what I'm interested in, etc. but I've been denying it with 'oh well I wouldn't want to do this because that' and so on because of the possibility of a successful application to Cambridge.
Now that I've been rejected I feel that I can give myself permission to realise that this isn't really what I want to do, and to start thinking about what I *actually* want to do.
The truth is that I wasn't planning on being alive for this long. I was meant to kill myself before I even took my GCSEs. I was never meant to be here. As a result I've never thought about any of this very much at all, because why would I when I wouldn't be alive to experience it? Basically I'm completely winging all of this, and obviously that leads to mistakes. And here we are again in the midst of another one of my many mistakes.
It's just that now I might know what I don't massively want to do, but I also don't know what I do want to do, because again, I've never given this any thought. Because I wasn't meant to be here alive right now. I feel like I've ruined everything but I don't know how to fix it, because I have no idea how to find out what I really want to do (I know vague directions, but not what jobs can come from it or anything) and I'm scared to even tell anyone at school I've been rejected. I don't know what I'd do in a gap year (aside from finally privately doing FM), I don't know what jobs I'd get from my other options, I don't know what to do.
So although I've been empowered to entertain my existential crisis, I don't know how to fix it. Once again, I have ruined everything and don't know how to fix it.
Original post by zeasea
Anyways, now to try and figure out how I'm going to fix the giant effing mess I've managed to make. Really don't know how I'm going to get out of this one. I guess actually telling someone I've been rejected would help but I'm terrified to do that 😭
(Last long post for today)
(Last long post for today)
hii, have u applied to any degree apprenticeships?
Am I even allowed to do an abroad placement year as part of my uni course, like am I gonna lose my current UK residency for an academic year's absence?? Don't tell me to ask my school, they nearly got me falsely assessed as international last time I asked them about immigration lmao
Like who do I even ask about this other than the Home Office who definitely won't respond so I'm not even gonna bother
Like who do I even ask about this other than the Home Office who definitely won't respond so I'm not even gonna bother
(edited 10 months ago)
So anyways, I thought it couldn't really get worse from here, but boy was I wrong. I am now officially in survival mode and cannot function outside of the bare minimum to not keel over and die, though I might just end it myself anyways. Since that post, every time it starts to look like things might be coming back together everything falls apart again and now I have at least 12 simultaneous and massive problems I'm supposed to just live and deal with, and it seems like literally every day a new one comes in while none of the others leave. Starting to wish I had never been born. I hate all of this. Nothing is going right and if applying to university as a normal person is an uphill battle I'm trying to scale the vertical side of a mountain. I can't even control any of the things going wrong, it's all stuff caused by me being born in the wrong place or in the wrong way and I just hate myself so much for existing right now.
Original post by zeasea
So anyways, I thought it couldn't really get worse from here, but boy was I wrong. I am now officially in survival mode and cannot function outside of the bare minimum to not keel over and die, though I might just end it myself anyways. Since that post, every time it starts to look like things might be coming back together everything falls apart again and now I have at least 12 simultaneous and massive problems I'm supposed to just live and deal with, and it seems like literally every day a new one comes in while none of the others leave. Starting to wish I had never been born. I hate all of this. Nothing is going right and if applying to university as a normal person is an uphill battle I'm trying to scale the vertical side of a mountain. I can't even control any of the things going wrong, it's all stuff caused by me being born in the wrong place or in the wrong way and I just hate myself so much for existing right now.
Brother, things go wrong in a life. Im sure a lot of people have stuff going wrong right now, but it'll always go away eventually. You should try and find something that makes you happy.
And guess what, I'm fucked again. Can't do the placement year because I lose my benefits (and therefore the car and all other linked support) after 13 weeks. Which means I probably can't do research because I'm guessing you need research experience to get any kind of job or PhD with how competitive it is. So that's great. Love how every single dream I have is just getting progressively destroyed by things outside my control. I'm just completely numb now. I'll never be anything.
Original post by zeasea
And guess what, I'm fucked again. Can't do the placement year because I lose my benefits (and therefore the car and all other linked support) after 13 weeks. Which means I probably can't do research because I'm guessing you need research experience to get any kind of job or PhD with how competitive it is. So that's great. Love how every single dream I have is just getting progressively destroyed by things outside my control. I'm just completely numb now. I'll never be anything.
You can still do research during an undergrad, or during a masters? Research isnt over brother (especially since you definitely dont need research experience) there are still a lot of good jobs out there that arent research based. Dont give up too early. Also don't put yourself down by saying you'll never be anything, the fact your even doing a levels and are doing good at them is a big thing. I know a lot of people who have went down a bad path, much much worse than you. You are certainly something.
(edited 9 months ago)
I love the way that in the time I've been gone the TSR layout has become even more disgustingly unusable. At least the colour scheme is better now though.
Anyways, I've been massively struggling. Like, daily panic attacks and trying to skip school struggling. I feel like I'm about to throw up from the stress all day every day, and any time it looks like it's getting better something new comes in to make it worse again. All I do at this point is go to lessons then lock myself in a room and study for 5 hours a day to try and not think about it all. Or fail to find a room and just wander around the school building like a trapped animal because there's nothing else I can do. I have no friends in school and now can't talk to my friends outside of school either because they've banned phones in the building, and I really didn't think it would make me feel this lonely but it has.
TL;DR - it's bad. I don't really know what to do anymore. All anyone has to say is 'deal with it'.
Anyways, I've been massively struggling. Like, daily panic attacks and trying to skip school struggling. I feel like I'm about to throw up from the stress all day every day, and any time it looks like it's getting better something new comes in to make it worse again. All I do at this point is go to lessons then lock myself in a room and study for 5 hours a day to try and not think about it all. Or fail to find a room and just wander around the school building like a trapped animal because there's nothing else I can do. I have no friends in school and now can't talk to my friends outside of school either because they've banned phones in the building, and I really didn't think it would make me feel this lonely but it has.
TL;DR - it's bad. I don't really know what to do anymore. All anyone has to say is 'deal with it'.
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