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My mum treats me differently
Hi
This may sound trivial, but its annoying me quite a bit now. Basically, the way she treats me is so different to the way she treats my older brother or sister.
For example: she borrowed some money off me for one thing or another, and also borrowed some money off my brother. Now this was a few months back and i never wanted to mention that she hadnt paid it back. Last week my brother asked for it back and my mum gave it all back without any stress whatsoever. Now today, my mum asked me how much money i had and i said something like 'enough, but may need the money back from you in january' And then she went mental, saying i was a bitch for using it against her and that she knew she shouldnt have ever borrowed money off me. I was like
Another example: My sister wanted my mum to go shopping with her. My mum said yes and was enthusiastic. But then i say 'can i come' and my mum goes 'its not a family outing. why are you being such a leech' Now this really upset me because i never spend time with my family and my mum is always going shopping wiht my mum and they spend so much time together.
Now these are just 2 examples out of many. Things like this happen almost everyday. What should i do? I have said this quite a few times to her and she just tells me to shut up and stop moaning. But it upsets me that its like one rule for me and another for everyone else
This may sound trivial, but its annoying me quite a bit now. Basically, the way she treats me is so different to the way she treats my older brother or sister.
For example: she borrowed some money off me for one thing or another, and also borrowed some money off my brother. Now this was a few months back and i never wanted to mention that she hadnt paid it back. Last week my brother asked for it back and my mum gave it all back without any stress whatsoever. Now today, my mum asked me how much money i had and i said something like 'enough, but may need the money back from you in january' And then she went mental, saying i was a bitch for using it against her and that she knew she shouldnt have ever borrowed money off me. I was like
Another example: My sister wanted my mum to go shopping with her. My mum said yes and was enthusiastic. But then i say 'can i come' and my mum goes 'its not a family outing. why are you being such a leech' Now this really upset me because i never spend time with my family and my mum is always going shopping wiht my mum and they spend so much time together.
Now these are just 2 examples out of many. Things like this happen almost everyday. What should i do? I have said this quite a few times to her and she just tells me to shut up and stop moaning. But it upsets me that its like one rule for me and another for everyone else
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Reply 1
Tell her that this upsets you. It's more than likely she's doing this subconsciously, or there could of course be a valid explanation.
We can't tell you because we don't know what your mum's persona is like.
We can't tell you because we don't know what your mum's persona is like.
Reply 2
Have you talked to her about it?
It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it's the only way to try and sort out why this is happening.
It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it's the only way to try and sort out why this is happening.
Reply 3
Has it always been like this? or only from a certain point? otherwise it may be something you said or did that maybe you didnt think was so bad, but hurt her...
Reply 4
You should really talk to her about how you feel, because leaving you out like that isn't fair. Sit her down and explain to her calmly what you've told us, with the examples.
Since she seems to be close to your sister, perhaps you could tell your sister how you feel, and get her to come and talk to your mum as well? She might be able to back you up a little.
Since she seems to be close to your sister, perhaps you could tell your sister how you feel, and get her to come and talk to your mum as well? She might be able to back you up a little.
Reply 5
Have you done something to upset her?
Reply 6
You never know, she may be making comments like this about your siblings too without you noticing it. Maybe having a talk with your sister about it might help, as then you can explain how you are feeling and ask if she has ever noticed you mum treating you differently.
Then its worth talking to your mum and explaining that this is hurting you. There is a chance she has no idea that it is leaving you upset.
Then its worth talking to your mum and explaining that this is hurting you. There is a chance she has no idea that it is leaving you upset.
Reply 7
aww that is soo not fair
then again who said life was fair
Talk to her about it...maybe she simply doesn't realise how much it hurts you
then again who said life was fair
Talk to her about it...maybe she simply doesn't realise how much it hurts you
Reply 8
ThisNameNowTaken
Has it always been like this? or only from a certain point? otherwise it may be something you said or did that maybe you didnt think was so bad, but hurt her...
could anything be that bad? i don't get how someone could be that horrible.
Reply 9
I havent done anything bad to her or that would trigger her to treat me like this. It has been like this since i was young though, dont think there was anything that set it off then either. I have said to her before that she treats me differently to the others, but she tells me to shut up 
Ill try speaking to my sister about it though
Ill try speaking to my sister about it thoughReply 10
Anonymous
I haven't done anything bad to her or that would trigger her to treat me like this. It has been like this since i was young though, don't think there was anything that set it off then either. I have said to her before that she treats me differently to the others, but she tells me to shut up Ill try speaking to my sister about it though
Ill try speaking to my sister about it thoughUnfortunately, it's just one of those things. It's not something you have to live with forever and once you get to university, it wont be such an issue for you as these incidents will be few and far between. I have pretty much the same problem, only it's been coupled with physical abuse from my father in the past. I'm the eldest and, as I was unplanned and they had me very young, I'm well aware that I was treated differently for a reason and now it's because they're used to dealing with me in a particular way.
Try to remind yourself that it's not your fault, you've done nothing wrong and that one day you'll be away from it all. Maybe you'll have a different relationship once you've moved out, I've heard about that happening plenty. In the meantime, don't expect things to change and don't try to make them. It'll only make you feel worse and more worthless when it doesn't work. If it's too much to deal with there's always the option of counselling. Personally, I found it helped to get involved in all kinds of sports and got a job until I was old enough for uni. Kept me busy and out of the house.
Reply 11
Anon as mates use this.
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. My mums treats me different compared to my sister. I'm the older sister and work and do college at the same time, where as my sister (whos 17) sits at home all day, does not even try and get a job and dropped out of college before it even started. This annoys me as my mum gives her money and at her age she should have at least some sort of job and sort of providing for herself. What really annoys me is that my selfish sister has made my parents move house, which i'm totally against as it will take me over an hour and a half to get to college and i will have to give up my job which I enjoy.
Its doing my head in as i'm the one doing something with my life where as my sister is just a a lazy selfish cow who knows how to get her own way. Urgh sorry for the rant. I swear I could slap my sister this minute (which I won't do)
Anyway! I know how you feel. Try talking to your mum, she will see sense. Good luck.
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. My mums treats me different compared to my sister. I'm the older sister and work and do college at the same time, where as my sister (whos 17) sits at home all day, does not even try and get a job and dropped out of college before it even started. This annoys me as my mum gives her money and at her age she should have at least some sort of job and sort of providing for herself. What really annoys me is that my selfish sister has made my parents move house, which i'm totally against as it will take me over an hour and a half to get to college and i will have to give up my job which I enjoy.
Its doing my head in as i'm the one doing something with my life where as my sister is just a a lazy selfish cow who knows how to get her own way. Urgh sorry for the rant. I swear I could slap my sister this minute (which I won't do)
Anyway! I know how you feel. Try talking to your mum, she will see sense. Good luck.
Reply 12
How old are you? Have you failed in anything or shown a lack of effort or responsibility? I know when my brother failed his GCSE compared to when i did well they treated us very differently - putting alot of pressure on him to get a job and leaving me be 
Reply 13
Anonymous
Anon as mates use this.
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. My mums treats me different compared to my sister. I'm the older sister and work and do college at the same time, where as my sister (whos 17) sits at home all day, does not even try and get a job and dropped out of college before it even started. This annoys me as my mum gives her money and at her age she should have at least some sort of job and sort of providing for herself. What really annoys me is that my selfish sister has made my parents move house, which i'm totally against as it will take me over an hour and a half to get to college and i will have to give up my job which I enjoy.
I'm kinda in the same situation as you. My mums treats me different compared to my sister. I'm the older sister and work and do college at the same time, where as my sister (whos 17) sits at home all day, does not even try and get a job and dropped out of college before it even started. This annoys me as my mum gives her money and at her age she should have at least some sort of job and sort of providing for herself. What really annoys me is that my selfish sister has made my parents move house, which i'm totally against as it will take me over an hour and a half to get to college and i will have to give up my job which I enjoy.
At least you're getting an education and clearly wanting to do something good with your life
.Reply 14
12
charge interest on the loans you give her
Reply 15
I spoke to my sister and she agreed that my mum was a lot harsher to me than anyone else, but didnt know any reason for it. She said she wouldnt speak to my mum with me about it though because she cant be bothered
I have always been a good achiever, always in top classes, getting good results etc. So i cant see that being a reason.
But it happens all the time. Another example is on my birthday, i got a £20 bag and had to pay for my birthday meal etc. Whereas my sister is getting new GHD's and a new Ipod plus a massive party. I know its the thought that counts and that this is materialsitic but its a further example of the different way we are treated
I have always been a good achiever, always in top classes, getting good results etc. So i cant see that being a reason.
But it happens all the time. Another example is on my birthday, i got a £20 bag and had to pay for my birthday meal etc. Whereas my sister is getting new GHD's and a new Ipod plus a massive party. I know its the thought that counts and that this is materialsitic but its a further example of the different way we are treated
Reply 16
Poor you. How old are you and your siblings? If your sister is about to go to uni or leave home then I'd imagine your mum wants to be as nice as possible to her while she's still at home. Is your dad around who you could talk to? I think speaking to your sister is a good idea, and your brother, but you've said she can't be bothered to help, which doesn't sound very nice of her. How close to them are you? I seems to me that you're the 'odd one out', which is a difficult situation to be in. Harsh sounding comment coming (I don't know how to make it sound nice)- are you a typical 'stroppy teenager'? If so, that could be the problem, and maybe you could try being happy, sociable and helpful around the house and with your mum.
On the other hand, maybe you are lovely and she just doesn't notice. Why don't you suggest a girly night in when you know she's not busy, and try to get closer to her?
It sounds like you're finding it pretty upsetting at the moment
I wish I could help more. Reply 17
Scape Goating happens in a lot of families.Your Mum is Scape Goating you to make herself feel better. It's not your fault, whatever you do or achieve isn't going to make any difference. She'll probably let your siblings abuse you too. Try to download an abuse wheel, get counciling, do a self esteem course. I did this after 57 years of thinking it was all my fault, even though tons of people commented on how my mum treated me differently to my Golden Child brother, I still thought it was me. People overheard her comments and I started to talk. It's not me, it is her problem and I feel better for knowing that. Work on building your self esteem based on reality, not your mum's opinion. She's the one with problems. Get some strategies to deal with her and surround yourself with people who see the real you. You're the one that's going to have to change your opinion of yourself, your Mum wont. Don't fall into the self pity trap (I don't think you have by the sound of it) put in the work of healing yourself and you will reap the rewards. Your Mum is the one at fault here...remember that 😀Best wishes
Reply 18
Original post by Betterme
Scape Goating happens in a lot of families.Your Mum is Scape Goating you to make herself feel better. It's not your fault, whatever you do or achieve isn't going to make any difference. She'll probably let your siblings abuse you too. Try to download an abuse wheel, get counciling, do a self esteem course. I did this after 57 years of thinking it was all my fault, even though tons of people commented on how my mum treated me differently to my Golden Child brother, I still thought it was me. People overheard her comments and I started to talk. It's not me, it is her problem and I feel better for knowing that. Work on building your self esteem based on reality, not your mum's opinion. She's the one with problems. Get some strategies to deal with her and surround yourself with people who see the real you. You're the one that's going to have to change your opinion of yourself, your Mum wont. Don't fall into the self pity trap (I don't think you have by the sound of it) put in the work of healing yourself and you will reap the rewards. Your Mum is the one at fault here...remember that 😀Best wishes
Why have you brought up an eleven year old thread?
Reply 19
Original post by Betterme
Scape Goating happens in a lot of families.Your Mum is Scape Goating you to make herself feel better. It's not your fault, whatever you do or achieve isn't going to make any difference. She'll probably let your siblings abuse you too. Try to download an abuse wheel, get counciling, do a self esteem course. I did this after 57 years of thinking it was all my fault, even though tons of people commented on how my mum treated me differently to my Golden Child brother, I still thought it was me. People overheard her comments and I started to talk. It's not me, it is her problem and I feel better for knowing that. Work on building your self esteem based on reality, not your mum's opinion. She's the one with problems. Get some strategies to deal with her and surround yourself with people who see the real you. You're the one that's going to have to change your opinion of yourself, your Mum wont. Don't fall into the self pity trap (I don't think you have by the sound of it) put in the work of healing yourself and you will reap the rewards. Your Mum is the one at fault here...remember that 😀Best wishes
You dig up an 11 YEAR OLD THREAD!!!!!!
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