I hate being religious and it's making me depressed

Hello, Anon. I hope you’re doing well <3.

Please keep holding on to your life. Enjoy simple, human, mundane pleasures. Birds. Food. Music. Don’t let go. We love you.

Regarding religion, be wise. Be careful until you’re financially independent, and then weigh up your options. Outside of religion, I don’t know how good your relationship is with your family, so I don’t know if cutting them off is an option or not. If you think that would be best for you, perhaps do that when you’re safe enough to. If you don’t want to do that — understandably — that’s fine, too. Even if your mother tells you to be religious in uni, you don’t necessarily have to be. My girlfriend has been faking her morning prayers for over five years.

I’m an atheist. I don’t think I ever really believed in a god, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I have been given some bull for thinking that way. Relationships with religion are tricky to figure out. I think it’s possible for you to maintain a relationship with as much religion as you want — on your own terms, to an extent you are comfortable with —, or to reject it completely. It’s entirely your choice, and it is *only* your choice to make. Not your family’s; not other Muslims’. Your choice.

I’ve learned that religion does work for some people in a productive, constructive way. It is also the source of lots of conflict and destruction. Ultimately, though, it is a personal choice made by an individual. It sucks being bombarded with it constantly if you don’t want to engage with it. I really, really, really empathise. You’re allowed to try to tune it out.

In university, you can find people who’ve gone through similar things to you. Even if you still believe in some aspects of your religion, it could be worth finding an agnostic/atheist support group online/in person. Many of them will share similar experiences to you and may have some more helpful, actionable advice.

I really hope you’re doing okay. It’s okay not to want to be completely religious. It’s okay not to pray. It’s okay not to wear hijab. Regardless of scripture, we have this one life for certain. That is what all religions and non-religions agree upon.

If you ever want to go back to religion, it’ll be there waiting for you. Religion should be helpful, and it’s okay to let it go if it’s no longer helpful. If you turn your back on religion, it cannot be offended. Gods are surely very busy, with so many people on earth, anyway.

Life is what we do. Afterlife is what we believe we deserve. You are a courageous person. Remind yourself that. It’s alright to pursue happiness.

Reply 21

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

For a couple years, I've been distancing myself from God and I haven't prayed in so long and I just don't feel like doing all of this. I still believe God exists and I made dua for my family and belive in Heaven and Hell but I just don't want to be a Muslim. Yes I understand that this necessarily isn't a good thing but hearing about death penalties for apostasy and my mum forcing religion into every conversation is so incredibly exhausting. People judge me for not wearing a hijab and so on and I have no one to talk about this. I know I most likely will go to Hell and all I can hope for is that Allah can forgive me. I don't want to pray and I don't want people to keep nagging me about being religious, I just want to have freedom and wear what I want and do what I want and not be judged for it, I desperately wish I was born in another religion or just not one at all. Please give me advice on what to do because I'm incredibly depressed and I never go out with my sister or mum because I think people will judge me for nor wearing a hijab and my mum/sister wearing one and thinking I'm stupid. I genuinely have no hope for my future because even if I go live by myself or go to uni my mum will still push me to be religious and no one I know would understand me and I just feel like ending tbh because there's no hope but I'm hoping there is and a opportunity will show. Please send some advice.

Hi - just saw this and felt I had to respond. First - it fills me with anger that Muslims (not the religion itself) immediately get so antagonistic the moment someone expresses doubt. We are all human and we have doubts - shoving religious garble down someone's throat is only going to make them want to turn away even more. Secondly, I think Muslims should have more of an open and honest culture around discusisng doubts - instead of blaming someone for their natural human way of being (we are not angels! we are not perfect!), try to understand and talk through things with them. Even the best Muslims have had doubts. Sorry - the close-minded culture around the religion (not originating from the religion itself) and the taboo on expressing doubts or asking questions really aggravates me.
Some of these replies are just ridiculous - do you really think that telling someone off is going to preserve their faith?

Okay, now onto the limited advice I feel able to give you, from someone who struggles in a similar way. First - separate your religion from your family (if that's possible). Focus on why YOU are a Muslim, and YOUR personal relationship with God. In what way does your faith serve you? Have a long hard think about this. For example for some, it's a case of feeling like you have someone there for you that sees your struggles, that you can turn to. For others, it encourages them to do good, e.g. charity, kindness. This in turn makes them feel good in themselves. Others may feel it protects them from certain harms - e.g. drinking, lying, backbiting. Perhaps it's the feeling of community (though I'll guess you haven't experienced that?). Maybe it's about finding a purpose, because if we're all going to die, what's the point in living etc. These are just some. Maybe yours is something completely different. Perhaps meditate and do some introspection about this.

The second thing is, take small steps. Baby steps. People have this expectation that you have to be a perfect Muslim or not one at all. But Muslims are still human. Maybe you read a prayer. Maybe you give in charity. Maybe you forgive someone. Religion does often feel like a chore, and sometimes it's hard to remember the point of it all. I think it's important to get to a point where you start to see the beauty of religion you know? You won't get this by listening to close-minded self-proclaimed 'good Muslims'. Instead listen to people like Nouman Ali Khan, Omar Suleiman. Start with things like stories of the prophets, maybe some of their short videos on the Quran. This dosen't have to be hour-long lectures - even 5-10mins will go a long way.

As for the Hijab - gosh such a struggle for me too! My family made me wear it from the age of 6 and I have STRUGGLED. I am currently at uni, so I don't wear it, but when I go home or am around any family, I do. I think they will never understand so I have never bothered to tell them about this. It's hard but it's what I need to preserve my relationship with God. I have to keep alot hidden from them. I'm not tempted to drink and tbh for me, that is one of two hard lines I never want to cross. With the Hijab thing, I know it is compulsory in the religion, but I also know it harms my relationship with God and makes me want to stray further since I find it so tough. I hope that one day I can get to a point where I can wear it and feel okay about it too. I think that'll only come after repairing my relationship with God. Tbh I can't even imagine wearing it, but who knows.

Right - this has gotten really long. Ig the gist of what I'm saying is, your faith is far too important for it to be based on other people. You need to do it for you. Don't let others' perception of you influence your actions - remember, their opinion does not determine whether you can be a good Muslim, only your actions can do that. I can think of non-hijabis that are better Muslims than hijabis - they are more regular with their prayers and have a stronger relationship with God. A cloth on your head does not make you a good Muslim, neither does having your hair out make you a bad one and people need to realise this. Don't judge others unless you are perfect yourself.

As for your mum and sister - that's a tough one. I think that maybe having some space from them would help. Start focusing on yourself - maybe find a hobby or start the gym - find something that'll get you out of the house. Sometimes you need distance from people in order for your relationship and your feelings about them to improve. I've experienced this with many of my family members. If your mum and sister are not judging you for not wearing a hijab - amazing! (My parents and family would probs idk disown me if they found out I don't wear it!). If they are, then as hard as it is, sometimes it's easier to present a certain image to them so that they get off your back. Then you have the peace and time to work on things at your own rate. It will be hard to deceive them at first, but you are what is most important. For me, I know I can't be honest with mine bc they'll never see me the same again - I also care about preserving my relationship with them, so although I don't pretend to be an amazing Muslim, I do try to keep up appearances. It took many years for me to stop struggling with being a Muslim - in fact I still struggle. I am not an amazing or even 'good' Muslim by any means - but I want to be. And slowly but surely, Inshallah I'll one day get there. I struggle to pray but when I do, I feel a certain type of peace. I haven't prayed properly in ages, but was just reminded today of how the ways in which I can benefit from them. I want to try starting again soon. It's hard because once you stop, it feels impossible to start again. But I'm going to try. I am going through a rough time right now, and nothing has helped me - this might.

I really do have to end this now bc it's gotten ridiculously long - sorry! But I hope that you can read through this garble and something can stand out to you. I wish you all the best Inshallah, and please know that so many people have doubts and struggle - it's not all perfect and smooth-sailing like some people make it out to be. You're not alone. God is there for you even when you're having doubts and struggling. Just know that if you take one step to him, he'll take many more to you. And also know that guidance comes only from Him - so ask Him to help you to be okay with being a Muslim. Ask him to turn your heart towards it.

Reply 22

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Hello, Anon. I hope you’re doing well <3.

Please keep holding on to your life. Enjoy simple, human, mundane pleasures. Birds. Food. Music. Don’t let go. We love you.

Regarding religion, be wise. Be careful until you’re financially independent, and then weigh up your options. Outside of religion, I don’t know how good your relationship is with your family, so I don’t know if cutting them off is an option or not. If you think that would be best for you, perhaps do that when you’re safe enough to. If you don’t want to do that — understandably — that’s fine, too. Even if your mother tells you to be religious in uni, you don’t necessarily have to be. My girlfriend has been faking her morning prayers for over five years.

I’m an atheist. I don’t think I ever really believed in a god, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I have been given some bull for thinking that way. Relationships with religion are tricky to figure out. I think it’s possible for you to maintain a relationship with as much religion as you want — on your own terms, to an extent you are comfortable with —, or to reject it completely. It’s entirely your choice, and it is *only* your choice to make. Not your family’s; not other Muslims’. Your choice.

I’ve learned that religion does work for some people in a productive, constructive way. It is also the source of lots of conflict and destruction. Ultimately, though, it is a personal choice made by an individual. It sucks being bombarded with it constantly if you don’t want to engage with it. I really, really, really empathise. You’re allowed to try to tune it out.

In university, you can find people who’ve gone through similar things to you. Even if you still believe in some aspects of your religion, it could be worth finding an agnostic/atheist support group online/in person. Many of them will share similar experiences to you and may have some more helpful, actionable advice.

I really hope you’re doing okay. It’s okay not to want to be completely religious. It’s okay not to pray. It’s okay not to wear hijab. Regardless of scripture, we have this one life for certain. That is what all religions and non-religions agree upon.

If you ever want to go back to religion, it’ll be there waiting for you. Religion should be helpful, and it’s okay to let it go if it’s no longer helpful. If you turn your back on religion, it cannot be offended. Gods are surely very busy, with so many people on earth, anyway.

Life is what we do. Afterlife is what we believe we deserve. You are a courageous person. Remind yourself that. It’s alright to pursue happiness.

Good advice! This is exactly what I think, religion should be for yoe. Embrace it in whatever capacity feels comfortable. And go back to the roots - leave the culture and the people and the expectations behind, and find YOUR reason. Everyone should do this whether born into religion or otherwise. I'd say also depending on whether you want to keep certain relationships, be smart about what you disclose to whom. You don't have to be perfect - God does not expect it. He wants to see that you're trying. In time you will find your faith and religion will stop being a chore and start being a source of comfort and guidance. Taking a step back from certain people and situations can help enormously.

Reply 23

Anonymous #4

Original post by Admit-One

To be clear, sharing experience and advice is exactly what the OP is after, but I think quoting scripture or whatever is a bit much and not taking into account what they've said in their post.

Yup. People - remember, Islam states there is no compulsion in religion. Lecturing someone who is already struggling will only turn them away further. Stop reinforcing what they've already experienced from their family. We are all human and we all have doubts. If you have nothing productive to say, then pray for them.

Reply 24

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

3. Islam
What makes you think that Islam is not the truth? For truth has been made apparent from falsehood. This religion and I promise you this, this religion is the only religion that has pure monotheism and WILL BE the ONLY religion that will be accepted by Allah. The Christians, they have a corrupted Bible and that religion changed by Paul and introduced pagan ideas. The Jews believe in a weak God that regrets creating Man and believe God rested on the 7th day after creating the Heavens and the Earth. This is not befitting for Allah. Glory is to Allah and to him we belong to and to HIM we shall all return. The Hindus believe in 30 Million plus Gods no need for an explanation. It is illogical. The Buddhist make idols of Buddha even though Buddha strongly forbade idol making. Islam is the ONLY WAY and this religion is preserved.

Firstly, educate yourself on these other religions you are talking about before trying to bring them down in order to 'gain points' for your own religion. Hinduism is in no means a polytheistic religion. Just a minute of research would tell you that it's a purely monotheistic religion, but I don't expect that from you. Hinduism simply believes that all of its Deities (that you're calling Gods), along with Yahweh, Allah, the Christian God, they are all forms of one singular God. These 30 million you're referencing to are simply the various forms of that one God. Don't lie in an attempt to brainwash a confused individual.

Islam, also literally being the youngest and newest religion of the major 4, why do you feel you can try to overthrow all the religions that came before, for the sake of your religion - seems like an attempt to simply assert dominance to me.

Secondly, it seems very hypocritical of Muslims like you to demand respect for your religion, while at the same time you continually disrespect and ridicule other religions. This doesn't show any signs of a 'Religion of Peace'. Religion and an individual's faith is a choice and that's a fact - you CANNOT force someone who all of this is clearly affecting mentally deeper into the situation. Shouldn't you do what's best for them and their health?

I hate being religious and it's making me depressed

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