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advice

Im 26 years old and ive always had a problem with girls.

Ive recently seen a therapist and realised that every girl who shows interest in me I fall for them even though ive had minimal convo and I become fixated and develop oneitis. Everytime I have met a girl I become desperate and clingy (i.e. double messaging and showing too much attention). Ive learnt how to improve on this but I dont want it to happen again. Every girl I meet I become fixated on them and I need to learn how to talk to multiple girls at once so I dont develop oneitis.

What else can I do to overcome all of the above?
Original post by Anonymous
Im 26 years old and ive always had a problem with girls.

Ive recently seen a therapist and realised that every girl who shows interest in me I fall for them even though ive had minimal convo and I become fixated and develop oneitis. Everytime I have met a girl I become desperate and clingy (i.e. double messaging and showing too much attention). Ive learnt how to improve on this but I dont want it to happen again. Every girl I meet I become fixated on them and I need to learn how to talk to multiple girls at once so I dont develop oneitis.

What else can I do to overcome all of the above?


Would you be willing to download a dating app like tinder? That way you would have multiple girls showing interest in you at the same time so it would be a bit more difficult for oneitis to develop (I think so anyway, I'm not a psychologist sorry :frown:). You'll need to swipe right on quite a few different girls to make sure you do have a good number who match with you, but I think this might be a good way to overcome your issues!
Reply 2
Original post by blizzardliz
Would you be willing to download a dating app like tinder? That way you would have multiple girls showing interest in you at the same time so it would be a bit more difficult for oneitis to develop (I think so anyway, I'm not a psychologist sorry :frown:). You'll need to swipe right on quite a few different girls to make sure you do have a good number who match with you, but I think this might be a good way to overcome your issues!

Also i lacked attention from my parents when i was younger and ive been told i use girls to fill the void but yes i could give it a go.
Reply 3
You should consult your counsellor for advice, they'll give you suggestions that should reduce the problem. While the Tinder idea may be fine, it may be the case that suggestions we make without training may make the problem worse.
Reply 4
Original post by Doomotron
You should consult your counsellor for advice, they'll give you suggestions that should reduce the problem. While the Tinder idea may be fine, it may be the case that suggestions we make without training may make the problem worse.

There is no certain treatment for this....iys not a condition its just about learning how to overcome this in different ways.
Reply 5
There is no treatment for most psychological things, but your counsellor will still be able to give you advice - much better advice than you'll get on here.
Reply 6
Original post by Doomotron
There is no treatment for most psychological things, but your counsellor will still be able to give you advice - much better advice than you'll get on here.

Ive realised that whenever i fancy a girl i take too long to approach them and end up making them feel uncomfortable. I always want to apologise even though i harfly knew them. Is this normal?
Reply 7
I doubt you actually make them feel uncomfortable. Are there any examples of this happening?
Reply 8
Original post by Doomotron
I doubt you actually make them feel uncomfortable. Are there any examples of this happening?

Yes. The most recent case is where I tried to initiate convo with a girl i fancy but keep overthinking i.e. following her to thevkitchen st work and break times knowing her schedule etc. I dont mean to stalk but i guess i come across **** that at times
Reply 9
Original post by Doomotron
I doubt you actually make them feel uncomfortable. Are there any examples of this happening?

Almost every girl i meet i end up making them uncomfortable in some way. Sometimes i get past the ralking stage and exchange contacts but end up becoming clingy e.g. double messaging. Ive always struggled to talk to women
What is said two months ago still applies. None of us are qualified to give you advice with what seems to be a deep-rooted problem. Please look for help in a therapist, as I have no useful advice to give you.
Reply 11
Original post by Doomotron
What is said two months ago still applies. None of us are qualified to give you advice with what seems to be a deep-rooted problem. Please look for help in a therapist, as I have no useful advice to give you.

I have seen a therapist and I have got advice but it did not work I dont think. Is it normal for a man to feel this way about a woman:

almost 6 months ago I saw a girl and I instantly fell in love, since then every day I wake up I think to myself when am I going to see her next and how can I have a meaningful conversation with her. In all this time ive only spoken to her once other than that I dont know anything about her and im still struggling to talk to her (i keep thinking there will be a next time) whenever she sees me sometimes she smiles other times not. I keep thinking that shes there for the taking and I can still live my life knowing that one day I will have a conversation with her and even if she is not interested theres plenty of other girls out there. There have been other girls who have shown interest but I just dont want to interact with them as I still have my hopes up on this 1 girl. I have realised that I wont get over her unless I have a proper conversation with her.

Is this normal?
It is normal to see someone and immediately become attracted to her. However, it may be a problem if it has been a long time and you still are into her, despite having little contact with her.
Reply 13
Yes ive had little contact but i still see her regularly hency why I think theres always going to be an opportunity. The only thing i have going for me with this girl is it should be easier to talk to her and we see each other regularly.

Im someone whosev overcome a lot in life mentally and theres always a way. You can always achieve your desires if your mindset is right and remain optimistic.

Im optimistic that i can overcome any mental barriers.

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