The Student Room Group

I have made literally no friends at uni and I feel so hopeless

I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:
Hi there,
Sorry to hear you've been struggling to connect with people on your course! Don't forget, they're probably feeling just as anxious about making friends as you are! I found the first year tough too, but once everyone got to know each other better, it made things way easier!

A great way to make friends with similar interests is joining societies at your uni- I joined my uni's LGBTQ+ society, and made some great friends, who are still my best mates now! I'd recommend having a look at societies that interest you, and go along to one of their meetings- they're always glad to have new members!

If you're still feeling bad about things, it might be worth contacting your uni's wellbeing team- they can help support you throughout your time at uni, and offer a safe space to talk.

Wishing you all the best for the future!

-Ella
Graduate Advocate
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:


Hey, you're not alone and you shouldn't give up
Let's connect
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

Hi there , I'm sorry the past few weeks have been so tough on you and that you are struggling to make a connection and meet new friends.
Keep in mind that it has only been 3 weeks and you will have the next 3 years to figure this out , don't put too much pressure on yourself . And know that you are not alone in how you feel , many students have similar struggles with socializing .

My first day of school last year was incredibly nerve wrecking and I am now friends with the same girl who constantly spoke down to me and over explained everything for no reason except that I mentioned that I am an international student. I was different not stupid and with time I realized that she wasn't going out of her way to talk down to me or belittle me , she genuinely thought she was being helpful. Sometimes peoples misconceptions and preconceived ideas make them act in ways that seem stand offish to us but that might not be how they are trying to come off.

Give yourself time and also try to join a society or a club in an activity you already enjoy , that way you can meet people you already have something in common with. Friends don't have to be made in class , you can volunteer and meet people there or maybe try an on campus job and meet people in that way. You seem like such an amazing individual , don't let this get you down and I hope this helps a little.

Cece
Energy engineering Student
De Montfort University
Original post by De Montfort University
Hi there , I'm sorry the past few weeks have been so tough on you and that you are struggling to make a connection and meet new friends.
Keep in mind that it has only been 3 weeks and you will have the next 3 years to figure this out , don't put too much pressure on yourself . And know that you are not alone in how you feel , many students have similar struggles with socializing .

My first day of school last year was incredibly nerve wrecking and I am now friends with the same girl who constantly spoke down to me and over explained everything for no reason except that I mentioned that I am an international student. I was different not stupid and with time I realized that she wasn't going out of her way to talk down to me or belittle me , she genuinely thought she was being helpful. Sometimes peoples misconceptions and preconceived ideas make them act in ways that seem stand offish to us but that might not be how they are trying to come off.

Give yourself time and also try to join a society or a club in an activity you already enjoy , that way you can meet people you already have something in common with. Friends don't have to be made in class , you can volunteer and meet people there or maybe try an on campus job and meet people in that way. You seem like such an amazing individual , don't let this get you down and I hope this helps a little.

Cece
Energy engineering Student
De Montfort University


I love your advice
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:


Some suggestions:
1. Join clubs or societies that match your interests and values.
2. Get a boyfriend.
3. Join a sports team.
4. Continue being social
5. Ignore the condescension
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:


Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear of the challenges you're facing, starting uni is no easy feat and you should be proud of yourself for getting through the first 3 weeks, they can be some of the hardest! I agree with the points above, reach out to your university's wellbeing service and definitely try out some societies if you can, you'll be able to meet different people with similar interests to you. It can be scary to put yourself out there but once you've got through those initial introductions it will be easier the second time! And you can try more than one society to see where you might fit in best.

From personal experience, I didn't meet my best friends until second year of uni! They weren't on the same course as me, but we met through an optional module.

Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to settle in, you'll meet lots of new people over the next few months (and years!).

Amy
Applicant Engagement Team
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:


Hi there, I am sorry to hear about your situation, but you are definitely not alone.

As a very introverted person myself, I was in the same position as you in first year. I found speaking to people and making friends quite difficult at first. Do remember you are only 3 weeks into University, and for people who are more on the quiet side, it does take us longer than that to make good connections with others.

I get what you mean when you say you thought University would be different. While I did have my doubts, I can see a massive change between now and my first year of University. Change may happen quickly or more slowly, just take your time to settle in, and you will find that you do improve throughout University. Keep going!

It is nice to hear that you are trying to put yourself out there and talking to new people. You will get on with some and others you won't, that is perfectly fine given the different interests and hobbies we have. I would recommend joining societies that interest you at your University. Hopefully, you will find a lovely group of friends! :smile:

Everyone in first year will be in a similar position to you, whilst they may already seem to be in groups, these are flexible and change through out the year. Most people are friendly and nice, the styles of speech may be different just because of where they are from and their personality. Take things easy, I am sure everyone gets nervous when talking to someone new and they are just as afraid of making mistakes as you are.

Also check out your University's socials for any events they host. Please do not give up, I am sure things will improve for you! If you every feel upset or alone in your situation, seek help from your University's wellbeing and support team. (There is nothing embarrassing about asking for help, I go there myself from time to time when I feel stressed.) Perhaps they will be able to help you with your situation too. :smile: All the best!

I hope this helps. :smile:
Chloe
-University of Kent student rep
Original post by drainpsyche
I started uni like 3 weeks ago now and honestly,, I was hoping that everything would be better but it just isn't and I feel so hopeless.

Like,, ive literally never been able to fit in w my peers and I was hoping things would be different now?? People are always saying that theres no more bullying and that people are "more mature" and that anyone can make friends no matter how different they are and I was really hoping thatd be the case but not really D:

I have extreme social anxiety, on top of being neurodivergent so I'm pretty awkward and shy but I actively have been trying to be friendly to others on my course,, I told some girl she had cool hair and she just responded "you alright?" like,, what am I actually doing wrong here ,,?

Ive just never been able to have genuine friends since primary school and the few friends I somehow did manage to make don't really seem like they enjoy talking to me,,?
like if I dont message them first there is no conversation,, I also made a friend on my course who I would walk to classes to but she made another friend and now doesn't ask or respond unless she has absolutely nobody else,, I just feel as though I only exist to people when they're lonely or bored or want to feel better about themselves for speaking to "that weird girl" like I was literally even told I "have autistic vibes" :crazy:

I honestly dont even know anymore man ,, I was kinda hoping things would change for me and that I'd actually be able to find my people here but I feel like thats not happening,, literally when I have actually been in a conversation whether it be in a seminar (workshop type stuff w/ groups) or one on one either they seem like they're annoyed im even there or see me as though im mentally slow? Like responding to everything with "awwww thats cute x" when I literally just mention my interests/answer their questions or ask questions in the tone youd talk to a literal child in like "aww do you have a boyfriend! thats so sweet x" and **** like that like it feels so condescending and insulting im not a kid or slow or below them or anything :frown:

If anyone is in the same situation please lmk I feel like I'm just not compatible with life at all and should give up :frown:

thankz 4 read :kitty: :bunny: :heart:
idk if u still have this problem (+i kinda made this acc just to comment) but i also go hope uni so we can b friends if u want ^__^ i can introduce u to the ppl ik too. just tell me and ill give u my ig !!

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