non-consensual kiss at a party

hi, i'm kinda embarrassed to talk abt this bcs it literally happened a month ago but oh well. i went to a houseparty, got quite drunk and was wearing quite a revealing outfit. i got there and after a while, there was a boy who i was kinda friendly towards. we held each other whilst walking around (i don't remember much, except his friends winking and saying 'well done' but idk bcs i was pretty much gone.) we got to the stairs where a couple of girls and a guy was sitting. i don't remember how the conversation went, but it ended with him grabbing my face and kissing me. i was kinda grossed out that he didn't ask me first, and felt really uncomfortable. i ran upstairs to the bathroom to keep to myself and i met my friend up there. i also remember drunk-babbling 'he kissed me and i really didn't want it'. i had fun at the party but i recently went to another one, and i couldn't stop thinking about his stupid face. i think it's affecting me bcs i shiver or flinch whenever i think abt it, but it's pretty pathetic seeing as he didn't SA me or anything. any opinions?

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,

Well no one can tell you how you should / shouldn't feel about something... although, IMHO it sounds like a drunken mistake (happens to pretty much all of us at some point). Please note, I'm NOT telling you how you should feel about it, but IMHO, it's the sort of thing you'd be embarrassed or uneasy about for maybe 1-2 days afterwards, but then get over it. If it's still affecting you a month later on, you may want to speak to a counsellor about it; especially if it's compromising your enjoyment of nights out (there should be a free counselling service if you're a student).

As for the issue of consent... from my experience, it's rare for someone to actually ask if they want a snog; having said that, there's normally a build-up to that moment (e.g. talking / flirting; mutual and reciprocated "touchy-feely" behaviour, slow dancing, faces getting closer and closer together etc. ... it should all be a natural flow as well). It might help to look (observe) other couples so you're used to the signs... and if someone's trying to get too "pally" with you, make your excuses and leave (e.g. I'm going to find my friends, going to the ladies etc.) .