The Student Room Group

Does anyone feel like they can best connect with older people?

I always felt like I could forge deep, fulfilling emotional connections (friendshipwise) with people who were much older than me (e.g. 10/+ years older) and not really anyone my own age, does anyone else feel the same way?

I've been feeling alone in this way for a long time, because at school I never really felt like I could make the deep connections I was able to make compared to meeting older people online (since that was the only way of meeting new poeple due to my circumstances). At school and generally poeple my age, I feel like the connections I make as friends, they are a bit surface level, and not.. satisfying, like it doesn't meet my needs for a more in depth emotional connection.

I am now wondering if there's anyone out there who have had similar struggles? It would mean a great deal to me as I've met a lot of people but unfortunately haven't met someone who shared similar struggles.

Any responses would be appreciated, thank you.
Original post by Anonymous
I always felt like I could forge deep, fulfilling emotional connections (friendshipwise) with people who were much older than me (e.g. 10/+ years older) and not really anyone my own age, does anyone else feel the same way?

I've been feeling alone in this way for a long time, because at school I never really felt like I could make the deep connections I was able to make compared to meeting older people online (since that was the only way of meeting new poeple due to my circumstances). At school and generally poeple my age, I feel like the connections I make as friends, they are a bit surface level, and not.. satisfying, like it doesn't meet my needs for a more in depth emotional connection.

I am now wondering if there's anyone out there who have had similar struggles? It would mean a great deal to me as I've met a lot of people but unfortunately haven't met someone who shared similar struggles.

Any responses would be appreciated, thank you.

Yep. This really hits home during primary school.

I think it was primarily due to the fact that I had to mature a lot earlier than most people. Then when I got into secondary, people started smoking and taking on other vices a lot earlier in life. So naturally I kind of fell into specific crowds and fitting in became a challenge.

I also usually get annoyed when people say something is deep for them when it was barely a warm up for me.

I suppose on some level in order to create fulfilling emotional connections, you would need someone on the same sort of wavelength (this is irrespective of age, because you can also get very immature people who are 10+ years older than you but on the flip side you can also get people who are a lot mature than people your own age who are 10 years younger although it's rare). This is usually people who are more ready to be recipients of such connections and are willing to have such discussions, which unfortunately tends to be the slightly more mature folks.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Yep. This really hits home during primary school.

I think it was primarily due to the fact that I had to mature a lot earlier than most people. Then when I got into secondary, people started smoking and taking on other vices a lot earlier in life. So naturally I kind of fell into specific crowds and fitting in became a challenge.

I also usually get annoyed when people say something is deep for them when it was barely a warm up for me.

I suppose on some level in order to create fulfilling emotional connections, you would need someone on the same sort of wavelength (this is irrespective of age, because you can also get very immature people who are 10+ years older than you but on the flip side you can also get people who are a lot mature than people your own age who are 10 years younger although it's rare). This is usually people who are more ready to be recipients of such connections and are willing to have such discussions, which unfortunately tends to be the slightly more mature folks.


Thank you for responding to this. I can definitely see what you mean for the something is deep one hahaha. But aren't you ever just left there thinking well what do I do now, with these poeple around me who are like children compared to your level of understanding? I don't intent to sound full of myself, but I hope you get what I mean. What do you do to fill those needs for deep connections, unless you don't have those needs at all?
If you wouldn't mind me asking. Thanks for writing such an elaborate reply.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for responding to this. I can definitely see what you mean for the something is deep one hahaha. But aren't you ever just left there thinking well what do I do now, with these poeple around me who are like children compared to your level of understanding? I don't intent to sound full of myself, but I hope you get what I mean. What do you do to fill those needs for deep connections, unless you don't have those needs at all?
If you wouldn't mind me asking. Thanks for writing such an elaborate reply.


But aren't you ever just left there thinking well what do I do now, with these poeple around me who are like children compared to your level of understanding? I don't intent to sound full of myself, but I hope you get what I mean.
I do get what you mean. I had the same thoughts when I was about 6-8. I was acting more like a 15 year old at the time when every other person was acting like kids (and yeah, they were kids so it kind of defeats the point). It definitely made me felt a lot more lonely than most.
However, there is also a saying that you don't want to grow up too quickly. Unfortunately, life required me to grow up a lot sooner than I would have liked. Sometimes I would even envy some of the people who get to live in such bliss and ignorance. If the bliss is in ignorance and not having to grow up before your time, then should you have the right to rob people of this before they're ready?
I struggled to fit in as I mentioned before, and I often felt like I had to take a number of steps back and pretend to be "on their level" in order to feel like I have some sort of connection. Unfortunately, such connection isn't really all that authentic and you often feel like you have to hold back a lot - it's a burden, but it's also life.
Does this make me arrogant? Yeah it actually does. This is because although you have a harder time to connect with others, it doesn't mean that you're always right. Even parents can oftentimes learn from their kids more than other adults with similar mindsets. Also connections don't always require to be that deep or that particular sort - if you have dozens of deep meaningful connections each day, you would be drained.
I am humble enough to recognise that I myself am not perfect and that not all relationships needs to be or should be that deep. Connections with people would also require you to appreciate people for their imperfections as well as their qualities. If being a bit juvenile is their imperfection, why shouldn't I appreciate them for where they are at and for what they are?

What do you do to fill those needs for deep connections, unless you don't have those needs at all?
I have yet to figure this out myself. The closest that I have got is finding people who are intelligent/done degrees/deep thinkers, but even then you can't always develop deep connections with people who share similar characteristics. Even if you do find people who have similar interests, it doesn't necessarily mean you would be able to develop those deep connections that you're searching for
Believe me, I have those needs and it can sometimes eat me up.
The only thing that I could recommend is to keep searching. In particular, try to master networking between people. The more people you know, the more likely you would find the sort of person you're looking for (sort of a number's game). It's an adruous Herculean task, but it's the quickest path (unless you can suggest anything better yourself).
The other thing that I am currently trying out is to find a way of leveraging social media and see if I can attract the right sort of crowd - a page I took from marketing. You of course need to come across in the right way (positioning) otherwise people can misread the intentions and the sort of person you are (branding).
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
But aren't you ever just left there thinking well what do I do now, with these poeple around me who are like children compared to your level of understanding? I don't intent to sound full of myself, but I hope you get what I mean.
I do get what you mean. I had the same thoughts when I was about 6-8. I was acting more like a 15 year old at the time when every other person was acting like kids (and yeah, they were kids so it kind of defeats the point). It definitely made me felt a lot more lonely than most.
However, there is also a saying that you don't want to grow up too quickly. Unfortunately, life required me to grow up a lot sooner than I would have liked. Sometimes I would even envy some of the people who get to live in such bliss and ignorance. If the bliss is in ignorance and not having to grow up before your time, then should you have the right to rob people of this before they're ready?
I struggled to fit in as I mentioned before, and I often felt like I had to take a number of steps back and pretend to be "on their level" in order to feel like I have some sort of connection. Unfortunately, such connection isn't really all that authentic and you often feel like you have to hold back a lot - it's a burden, but it's also life.
Does this make me arrogant? Yeah it actually does. This is because although you have a harder time to connect with others, it doesn't mean that you're always right. Even parents can oftentimes learn from their kids more than other adults with similar mindsets. Also connections don't always require to be that deep or that particular sort - if you have dozens of deep meaningful connections each day, you would be drained.
I am humble enough to recognise that I myself am not perfect and that not all relationships needs to be or should be that deep. Connections with people would also require you to appreciate people for their imperfections as well as their qualities. If being a bit juvenile is their imperfection, why shouldn't I appreciate them for where they are at and for what they are?

What do you do to fill those needs for deep connections, unless you don't have those needs at all?
I have yet to figure this out myself. The closest that I have got is finding people who are intelligent/done degrees/deep thinkers, but even then you can't always develop deep connections with people who share similar characteristics. Even if you do find people who have similar interests, it doesn't necessarily mean you would be able to develop those deep connections that you're searching for
Believe me, I have those needs and it can sometimes eat me up.
The only thing that I could recommend is to keep searching. In particular, try to master networking between people. The more people you know, the more likely you would find the sort of person you're looking for (sort of a number's game). It's an adruous Herculean task, but it's the quickest path (unless you can suggest anything better yourself).
The other thing that I am currently trying out is to find a way of leveraging social media and see if I can attract the right sort of crowd - a page I took from marketing. You of course need to come across in the right way (positioning) otherwise people can misread the intentions and the sort of person you are (branding).


Wow, I'm really amazed at your level of maturity, and speaking to you at this level and extent feels like I can be more like myself with my own level of maturity without needing to "hold back" as you so mentioned in your message. I really enjoy the length and extent to which you have written when answering my message, it's really satisfying and enjoyable to read. I really appreciate again the level to which you have responded and want to say thank you. Out of so many people I have come across online it finally feels like I found someone with a similar/same struggle.

Mastering networking between people. That's a fantastic idea, it would be an exciting opportunity to take up and explore. It's also fascinating how you gave those tips like positioning, branding, marketing. I am intersted more in the business side of things too so these terms really ring a bell for me. I will make sure to read up on this and see how I can use it to my advantage.

I really respect, and admire that you accept your imperfections and have such a clear and balanced/more so healthy view on who you are as well as what it takes to form connections with who someone else is. Again, I've never seen anyone lay it all out so simply and elaborately, and it's really a pleasure to read. I just figured out recently that to form such healthy connections nothing needs to be perfect - this seems like an obvious truth, but a truth harshly learned when you don't learn it sooner, which is was happened with me. I also thank you for your kindness in advising me in what to do next when trying to find people to connect with. For so many years I've been at a loss on where to find people to befriend, going to random sites that are really, really not worth going haha, chatrooms usually filled with the wrong kind of people. But this is a start.
It also makes me curious, might I have some form of contact with you? I am aware we are posting as anonymous, but if there was a way of messaging you... it would be great, at least, if you are interested in responding too.

Might I ask, do you also enjoy responding in messages like this, in depth or detailed? Perhaps not always as long as this xD but... detailed/with depth? Genuinely curious.
Many thanks (:

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