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Withdrawing from University
Please keep anon (or delete) - I know several people from my uni on here and I don't want them to know.
A term into university - and I'm not enjoying it. All I can think about is going home in about a week's time.
First, I know it's the same old but I don't have any friends; I only have 5-6 people who I can have a conversation lasting for more than 3 minutes. Everyone in my course/hall of residence has made their friendship groups; I know people say to just go for it and join in, but I find that really hard - I'm quite shy/unconfident before I get to know people, and they all have their in-jokes and common experiences already. I know that people think I'm boring, because I'm bad at small talk and because I don't like clubbing/drinking - but I can talk abut more interesting stuff if there was a proper opportunity and if we were actually talking about a topic rather than sharing their most recent drunken anecdote or whatever. And I do enjoy going out - I just want to go out somewhere when you can have a conversation, rather than drunkenly shouting in each others ears in clubs/bars. I have also joined several societies but haven't had time to go to many, except for one which isn't a particularly sociable one anyway. I'm dreading next term where I'll have to make decisions about who to live with in a house. I feel like I have taken the wrong step regarding making friends in freshers' week, and it has all gone downhill from there. What am I doing wrong? Should I try and tag along when people go out, even if I don't like clubbing/don't know the people that well/feel a bit pathetic? Should I be going up to random people and pluck up a conversation (this seems to be a lot less acceptable now that freshers week is over)?
I'm also not sure if I enjoy my course. I know I wanted to do it before coming, but I seem to have lost all passion/interest/enthusiasm that I have ever had in my subject; I loved my subject far more at A-level than I am now which I think is not right! I'm also having difficulty with the transition in the method of work from school to uni; I find it hard to take things in from lectures and I just sit there, feeling overwhelmed rather than do anything productive. But I don't know if I want to change to any other course. All I want to do at the moment is to take a break from everything - I wish I have taken a gap year; I feel burnt out and it's difficult for me to rack up enthusiasm for anything. (I guess that my unhappy state re lack of friends, lack of settling in etc is partly affecting my enjoyment of the course though, so I don't know if I'll start enjoying it more later on.)
I’m also missing my family and my life back at home so much; I still feel as though I'm in some kind of temporary state, and I don’t feel complete when I'm not at home.
Perhaps I may have had too high expectations of university - I've never had that many friends at school either, and I had always felt frustrated at school because I had little in common with most people, particularly in regards to academic aspirations etc. I thought it would all change when I get to university, where I'll be able to find like-minded/inspirational people, and that it will be an experience that will change my life - but so far, it hasn't been. My course isn't particularly exciting, I haven't made many friends, and I don't feel as though I'm thriving or becoming intellectually any better.
I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by posting on here really - I know there's been millions of threads around the same "I'm not enjoying uni" topic, but most people seem to have settled in after a term - I haven't at all. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, and I don’t really want to tell my family all of this because I would feel that I’ve let them down and I don’t want them to worry.
Anyone also feeling that uni isn't as amazing as they expected/other people think it is?
A term into university - and I'm not enjoying it. All I can think about is going home in about a week's time.
First, I know it's the same old but I don't have any friends; I only have 5-6 people who I can have a conversation lasting for more than 3 minutes. Everyone in my course/hall of residence has made their friendship groups; I know people say to just go for it and join in, but I find that really hard - I'm quite shy/unconfident before I get to know people, and they all have their in-jokes and common experiences already. I know that people think I'm boring, because I'm bad at small talk and because I don't like clubbing/drinking - but I can talk abut more interesting stuff if there was a proper opportunity and if we were actually talking about a topic rather than sharing their most recent drunken anecdote or whatever. And I do enjoy going out - I just want to go out somewhere when you can have a conversation, rather than drunkenly shouting in each others ears in clubs/bars. I have also joined several societies but haven't had time to go to many, except for one which isn't a particularly sociable one anyway. I'm dreading next term where I'll have to make decisions about who to live with in a house. I feel like I have taken the wrong step regarding making friends in freshers' week, and it has all gone downhill from there. What am I doing wrong? Should I try and tag along when people go out, even if I don't like clubbing/don't know the people that well/feel a bit pathetic? Should I be going up to random people and pluck up a conversation (this seems to be a lot less acceptable now that freshers week is over)?
I'm also not sure if I enjoy my course. I know I wanted to do it before coming, but I seem to have lost all passion/interest/enthusiasm that I have ever had in my subject; I loved my subject far more at A-level than I am now which I think is not right! I'm also having difficulty with the transition in the method of work from school to uni; I find it hard to take things in from lectures and I just sit there, feeling overwhelmed rather than do anything productive. But I don't know if I want to change to any other course. All I want to do at the moment is to take a break from everything - I wish I have taken a gap year; I feel burnt out and it's difficult for me to rack up enthusiasm for anything. (I guess that my unhappy state re lack of friends, lack of settling in etc is partly affecting my enjoyment of the course though, so I don't know if I'll start enjoying it more later on.)
I’m also missing my family and my life back at home so much; I still feel as though I'm in some kind of temporary state, and I don’t feel complete when I'm not at home.
Perhaps I may have had too high expectations of university - I've never had that many friends at school either, and I had always felt frustrated at school because I had little in common with most people, particularly in regards to academic aspirations etc. I thought it would all change when I get to university, where I'll be able to find like-minded/inspirational people, and that it will be an experience that will change my life - but so far, it hasn't been. My course isn't particularly exciting, I haven't made many friends, and I don't feel as though I'm thriving or becoming intellectually any better.
I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by posting on here really - I know there's been millions of threads around the same "I'm not enjoying uni" topic, but most people seem to have settled in after a term - I haven't at all. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, and I don’t really want to tell my family all of this because I would feel that I’ve let them down and I don’t want them to worry.
Anyone also feeling that uni isn't as amazing as they expected/other people think it is?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
omg i feel exactly the sameee!!! 
Reply 3
Same here and I am in my final year!
Reply 4
You are ME. You've described my EXACT mindset! Uni life feels like a half-life, and it's not great... I can feel myself getting closer and closer to a depressive state, home soon, yes!
Despite all that, I'm trying to keep everything in perspective. We've been here for less than three months. I don't know about you, but I always make my best friends after five, six months after moving somewhere new. It just feels so much more pressured because if we don't have friends here, we can't just go home and moan to our family or our childhood friends... but we're still going to work to the same timeframe that we've been working on all our lives- some people make a friend a minute, some people make a friend a year. I can't force myself to change just because I'm expected to.
Despite all that, I'm trying to keep everything in perspective. We've been here for less than three months. I don't know about you, but I always make my best friends after five, six months after moving somewhere new. It just feels so much more pressured because if we don't have friends here, we can't just go home and moan to our family or our childhood friends... but we're still going to work to the same timeframe that we've been working on all our lives- some people make a friend a minute, some people make a friend a year. I can't force myself to change just because I'm expected to.
Reply 5
Default Re: Not enjoying university
me too feeling the same, with the addition that I think I am in the wrong city too (Too big). I'm currently in a whole dilemma in what to do. Drop out, re apply, transfer, i really don't know, and with exams next week i'm struggling to study with this on my mind. Something stupid i did was move into private accomodation on my own which isolated me from the rest, but cannot live in halls with the state of disgust the kitchen and bathrooms are kept in
Edit/Delete Message
me too feeling the same, with the addition that I think I am in the wrong city too (Too big). I'm currently in a whole dilemma in what to do. Drop out, re apply, transfer, i really don't know, and with exams next week i'm struggling to study with this on my mind. Something stupid i did was move into private accomodation on my own which isolated me from the rest, but cannot live in halls with the state of disgust the kitchen and bathrooms are kept in
Edit/Delete Message
Reply 6
surviveinstyle
Same here and I am in my final year!
how on earch did you manage to survive. Iv'e only been in unit since sept 08 and am going crazy
Reply 7
Anonymous
how on earch did you manage to survive. Iv'e only been in unit since sept 08 and am going crazy
I live at home and see my friends there. Not that I don't have temporary friends at uni.
Reply 8
I felt similarly to you did about a week ago but suddenly something clicked inside me and i'm loving it all.
I worked out i didn't like my course and stuff because i'd been ill pretty much since the begining of uni and it had made me slightly depressed about the whole thing. Sad thing is i didn't realise this was the case until after i'd got my health sorted and was about to drop out the week i got better.
I'd say give it til after xmas then make sure you're actually sure this is the right choice for you.
Also, make sure you've not just built it up in your head to be a bad experience and that your mindset is that it's rubbish and you're dropping out , really give it a go!
Good luck, hope it gets better for you!
I worked out i didn't like my course and stuff because i'd been ill pretty much since the begining of uni and it had made me slightly depressed about the whole thing. Sad thing is i didn't realise this was the case until after i'd got my health sorted and was about to drop out the week i got better.
I'd say give it til after xmas then make sure you're actually sure this is the right choice for you.
Also, make sure you've not just built it up in your head to be a bad experience and that your mindset is that it's rubbish and you're dropping out , really give it a go!
Good luck, hope it gets better for you!
Reply 9
Join the club.
Although you probably feel like shutting yourself in your room, try not to. There are most likely people around you who have similar feelings. I don't enjoy going out drinking every night but have managed to find some good friends out of perseverance. The only reason I met them was because I put myself out there, and started up conversations.
As for small talk, you can learn how to do it. The easiest way is looking at the wierd MSN news links. There are some unusual ones that come up and it makes for great small talk! Don't give in on making friends!
As for your course, well if you're not enjoying it, that's an entirely different matter. If you genuinely aren't enjoying it because it doesn't interest you then maybe you should consider what it is you really want to do.
As for small talk, you can learn how to do it. The easiest way is looking at the wierd MSN news links. There are some unusual ones that come up and it makes for great small talk! Don't give in on making friends!
As for your course, well if you're not enjoying it, that's an entirely different matter. If you genuinely aren't enjoying it because it doesn't interest you then maybe you should consider what it is you really want to do.
Reply 11
Anonymous
how on earch did you manage to survive. Iv'e only been in unit since sept 08 and am going crazy
Likewise, I really don't know how much longer I can do it. It's such a lonely world here.
Last year (first year) I kept telling myself to keep going and things would get better. This year I've completely lost my motivation and concentration and am slipping into a state of depressiveness, so I can't even try and keep busy anymore.
I've got no friends here, well there's a few people I talk to on my course, but they are all foreigners and have no interest of meeting me outside of the course. I joined clubs and societies last year, I suppose my confidence/anxiety issues got in the way a bit but I still gave it my all and am not that bad all the time but still couldn't form any proper friendships. I don't know what else to do.
Argh!!!
Reply 13
Everything will fall into place. When I first went to college I was the only person from my school there and everyone else had groups of friends and I was left out. I made friends with other people in the same situation and now we are good friends and we do everything together. I have a very large social life now. It just takes time and effort but not too much effort. I know one person who tries too hard and now people are cautious of him. Just look around and see if you can spot anyone in the same situation. Talk to them and it will all go well from there.
You don’t sound like the academic sort of person. I would imagine you would do better in the working world. At least then you’re doing what you want to do and being paid to do it. It’s very rewarding but you need to finish your degree otherwise you will not very far in your career.
You don’t sound like the academic sort of person. I would imagine you would do better in the working world. At least then you’re doing what you want to do and being paid to do it. It’s very rewarding but you need to finish your degree otherwise you will not very far in your career.
Reply 14
Anonymous
Likewise, I really don't know how much longer I can do it. It's such a lonely world here.
Last year (first year) I kept telling myself to keep going and things would get better. This year I've completely lost my motivation and concentration and am slipping into a state of depressiveness, so I can't even try and keep busy anymore.
I've got no friends here, well there's a few people I talk to on my course, but they are all foreigners and have no interest of meeting me outside of the course. I joined clubs and societies last year, I suppose my confidence/anxiety issues got in the way a bit but I still gave it my all and am not that bad all the time but still couldn't form any proper friendships. I don't know what else to do.
Argh!!!
Last year (first year) I kept telling myself to keep going and things would get better. This year I've completely lost my motivation and concentration and am slipping into a state of depressiveness, so I can't even try and keep busy anymore.
I've got no friends here, well there's a few people I talk to on my course, but they are all foreigners and have no interest of meeting me outside of the course. I joined clubs and societies last year, I suppose my confidence/anxiety issues got in the way a bit but I still gave it my all and am not that bad all the time but still couldn't form any proper friendships. I don't know what else to do.
Argh!!!
That is exactly the same problem as me. Nobody wants to know outside the course. It doesn't help living at home but I still try to put effort in. It is just a shame other people don't
Reply 15
Well, at least it makes me feel a bit better that there are people in the same boat. Shame there don't seem to be people like that at my uni
Thanks for the advice. I do *try* and go out - I've been out clubbing a few times, I go to the hall bar whenever there's something on, and have in general gone to a lot of events that are open invitations. But it doesn't seem to work. Perhaps my unenjoyment/lack of confidence/discomfort radiates through. I guess I can do small talk, but only when it's what everyone else is doing - i.e. when everyone don't know each other well. But this late into the term when people have good friends they like already, I'd feel really awkward to be making really superficial talk. If that makes any sense? I guess it's a bit of a vicious cycle...
Kawa
Although you probably feel like shutting yourself in your room, try not to. There are most likely people around you who have similar feelings. I don't enjoy going out drinking every night but have managed to find some good friends out of perseverance. The only reason I met them was because I put myself out there, and started up conversations.
As for small talk, you can learn how to do it. The easiest way is looking at the wierd MSN news links. There are some unusual ones that come up and it makes for great small talk! Don't give in on making friends!
As for your course, well if you're not enjoying it, that's an entirely different matter. If you genuinely aren't enjoying it because it doesn't interest you then maybe you should consider what it is you really want to do.
As for small talk, you can learn how to do it. The easiest way is looking at the wierd MSN news links. There are some unusual ones that come up and it makes for great small talk! Don't give in on making friends!
As for your course, well if you're not enjoying it, that's an entirely different matter. If you genuinely aren't enjoying it because it doesn't interest you then maybe you should consider what it is you really want to do.
Thanks for the advice. I do *try* and go out - I've been out clubbing a few times, I go to the hall bar whenever there's something on, and have in general gone to a lot of events that are open invitations. But it doesn't seem to work. Perhaps my unenjoyment/lack of confidence/discomfort radiates through. I guess I can do small talk, but only when it's what everyone else is doing - i.e. when everyone don't know each other well. But this late into the term when people have good friends they like already, I'd feel really awkward to be making really superficial talk. If that makes any sense? I guess it's a bit of a vicious cycle...
Reply 16
Hi! Don't worry about not making friends yet I didn't make proper friends until my 3rd term of uni - I really didn't feel settled at all until then. I had people who I could talk to a little bit, but nothing meaningful. I just always wanted to be at home and felt like I couldn't be completely happy ever.
I also dislike clubbing, but what normally happens is people go to a bar before moving onto a club... could you not just bail at the point when they're going to a club? I am very quiet and I don't think people really understood me very well until my 3rd term, but now I love uni and I miss it so so much now I'm not there.
With regards to your course, maybe you aren't enjoying it because you aren't happy generally? Sorry, I don't really know what to say about this
Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope things pick up for you I think you will maybe be surprised at how many of those 'friendship groups' you've mentioned don't actually last into the 2nd year...!
I didn't make proper friends until my 3rd term of uni - I really didn't feel settled at all until then. I had people who I could talk to a little bit, but nothing meaningful. I just always wanted to be at home and felt like I couldn't be completely happy ever. I also dislike clubbing, but what normally happens is people go to a bar before moving onto a club... could you not just bail at the point when they're going to a club? I am very quiet and I don't think people really understood me very well until my 3rd term, but now I love uni and I miss it so so much now I'm not there.
With regards to your course, maybe you aren't enjoying it because you aren't happy generally? Sorry, I don't really know what to say about this
Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope things pick up for you
I think you will maybe be surprised at how many of those 'friendship groups' you've mentioned don't actually last into the 2nd year...!Reply 17
Ian-Mac
Everything will fall into place. When I first went to college I was the only person from my school there and everyone else had groups of friends and I was left out. I made friends with other people in the same situation and now we are good friends and we do everything together. I have a very large social life now. It just takes time and effort but not too much effort. I know one person who tries too hard and now people are cautious of him. Just look around and see if you can spot anyone in the same situation. Talk to them and it will all go well from there.
You don’t sound like the academic sort of person. I would imagine you would do better in the working world. At least then you’re doing what you want to do and being paid to do it. It’s very rewarding but you need to finish your degree otherwise you will not very far in your career.
You don’t sound like the academic sort of person. I would imagine you would do better in the working world. At least then you’re doing what you want to do and being paid to do it. It’s very rewarding but you need to finish your degree otherwise you will not very far in your career.
Thanks for the advice; hopefully it will work out like you say.
I think I'm very much an academic person though - actually, that might be part of my problem; I probably come across as too serious/boring because of it. I'm finding the transition to uni difficult, probably because I had studied so hard for A-levels in an A-level way (i.e. learning a lot of things by rote, perfecting exam technique etc) that I may be feeling a bit disoriented.
Reply 18
surviveinstyle
That is exactly the same problem as me. Nobody wants to know outside the course. It doesn't help living at home but I still try to put effort in. It is just a shame other people don't
Are you at Manchester Uni? Cos I'm there haha!
OP, by the way, I didn't want to put you off. Just because there's a lot of us who it isn't good for in years after freshers doesn't mean it will not get better for you. I know a lot of people who think it's overhyped, if you're into getting pissed every single night then maybe but even then I'm sure lots of people use it as a cover up to pretend they are happy. Keep trying though if you can, it's good to keep busy to keep your mind of it, you say you've just societies but havn't had time to go, would it be possible to make time?
Reply 19
*banana
Hi! Don't worry about not making friends yet I didn't make proper friends until my 3rd term of uni - I really didn't feel settled at all until then. I had people who I could talk to a little bit, but nothing meaningful. I just always wanted to be at home and felt like I couldn't be completely happy ever.
I also dislike clubbing, but what normally happens is people go to a bar before moving onto a club... could you not just bail at the point when they're going to a club? I am very quiet and I don't think people really understood me very well until my 3rd term, but now I love uni and I miss it so so much now I'm not there.
With regards to your course, maybe you aren't enjoying it because you aren't happy generally? Sorry, I don't really know what to say about this
Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope things pick up for you I think you will maybe be surprised at how many of those 'friendship groups' you've mentioned don't actually last into the 2nd year...!
I didn't make proper friends until my 3rd term of uni - I really didn't feel settled at all until then. I had people who I could talk to a little bit, but nothing meaningful. I just always wanted to be at home and felt like I couldn't be completely happy ever. I also dislike clubbing, but what normally happens is people go to a bar before moving onto a club... could you not just bail at the point when they're going to a club? I am very quiet and I don't think people really understood me very well until my 3rd term, but now I love uni and I miss it so so much now I'm not there.
With regards to your course, maybe you aren't enjoying it because you aren't happy generally? Sorry, I don't really know what to say about this
Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope things pick up for you
I think you will maybe be surprised at how many of those 'friendship groups' you've mentioned don't actually last into the 2nd year...!So how did you suddenly make friends in the third term? Did you go out and do something new, or have some sort of ephithany, or something? :P
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