My boyfriend hates it when I cry

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Ah right, hes been out with like 3 or 4 people before me, hes my first though...maybe thats why we are like this...I think thats the reason I'm so emotionally dependable on him...because hes my first bf, I havent experienced anything like it. Something you and I both need to learn is that we dealt with things ourselves before we met them this is just someone thats come into your life and is "giving you the time of day" but when they are gone or rather IF they are gone, then life still goes on...if you understand?

I know this feeling very well. I was extremely dependent on my first boyfriend for emotional happiness, and when it ended I was forced to find some strength of my own to rebuild self-esteem that I had linked to him. Since, I've had much healthier relationships. :smile:

Reply 21

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Anonymous

I have one close friend but I have grown apart from her and find it hard to confide in her. Though when I used to confide in her she would make me feel better like no one else in the world. Since she left uni I have struggled to find that in anyone else.

Haha, jesus, I am the same also. Though I do talk t my mate everyday without fail and she always makes me feel better about anything, no one else can. Just a shame shes in London. I'm sorry to be seeming like Im making this "my thread"

Reply 22

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curryADD

Maybe its just a first relationship thing? I REALLY hope so. Its so much better identifying these things though. You start to feel like its just you as a person and you'll never get better.

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

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Hmm, you sure it isnt the same guy? Haha yea my bf thinks I am weak now. Im glad you posted this thread. Kind of made me realise somethings. When I met him I was such a stronger person and that is what he liked about me believe it or not. Now I'm just weak and cry and stress all the time, and if he doesnt show he cares I cry even more and feel worthless. Its pathetic but really, if he was nicer and stuff when Ive cried for the millionth time that week I think it'd make me EVEN more emotionally dependable. I'm not putting all the blame on me though, theres a lot of things hes done and said that should be left unsaid.

My boyfriends name starts with U! Hmmmmm. We gotta stop crying girl!! Every time I feel down I'm gonna avoid him. I want him to forget I was ever like this and see me as a strong dependable girl who can stand on her own two feet. Starting from now!!

Reply 24

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Anonymous

Ah its ok my bfs name starts with M. Yea its all easier said than done. Just need to make consious efforts though. Kind of like Cognitive Theropy (which, suprisingly is what I'm hainvg). Did your bf used to think you were strong and independent?

Reply 25

Anonymous #1

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Yep he did. It is what drew him to me in the first place.

Reply 26

Captain Biggles

If I was in your boyfriend's shoes, I'd be completely the opposite. :confused:

I personally can't really understand why your boyfriend isn't there for you when you're clearly anxious and panicky but he's possibly scared of getting too attached to you in the early stages of your relationship perhaps?

Reply 27

OhNO!

I think it's really dangerous to become the dependent one in a relationship, you make yourself very vulnerable this way. there's a difference between being emotionally open with your partner, and becoming reliant on them for your stability and happiness.

if I were you, this sort of behaviour would really really bother me. I would give myself a break from contacting him, or running to him when I was anxious - for at least a week or so. Not a break from your relationship or anything, but making sure that when you get anxious, you give yourself time and space to deal with it on your own. You can deal with it on your own, you just need to remind yourself of that.

Reply 28

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Anonymous

Yep he did. It is what drew him to me in the first place.

Haha, then I think we both know what NEEDS to be done!!!
Theres nothing worse than being weak and needy. I look down on myself for it! Put yourself in their shoes, would you honestly like haing someone cry and be needy all the time? My bf turns his phone off sometimes cos he says he gets annoyed with my texts...didnt used to be like that. If you were happy and trying to get on with your life you wouldnt want someone bringing you down. My bf says he just wants me happy and to have some confidence again, which is why tomorrows the last chance. This came just in time then :smile:

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

Captain Biggles

If I was in your boyfriend's shoes, I'd be completely the opposite. :confused:

Aww that's so sweet :smile:

We have been together for over a year now and it really upsets me that he can't support me when I badly need it. The night before my dissertation viva I was an absolute wreck and all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me it would be ok. It is his negative reaction which makes me even more depressed and needy.

Reply 30

Captain Biggles

Anonymous

Aww that's so sweet :smile:

My advice would be to talk to him about and tell him that pushing you away is making you feel more needy and emotional. Don't make it come across as if you're blaming him for it since that will only serve to inflame the situation. Do you have a really close best friend that you can sort of split your emotions between, who's preferably female (so your boyfriend shouldn't get jealous)?

Reply 31

Anonymous #1

Captain Biggles

I have told him loads but he said he can't handle when I get depressed. He makes a few changes which last about a day then slips back into his usual ways. I used to have a really good friend but she moved away. Though I will definitely try and rekindle that relationship cause she could make me feel so much better when I was down.

Reply 32

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Anonymous

this is also the same for me!!!!
This is odd haha. This is why we have had "talks" a million times, because I have said that I would like it if he didnt react so badly when I'm upset and he agrees and says it'll change..after a nights sleep its all back to normal. The best thing to do is gradually build your strength back up. When he reacts like this just tell yourself you dont really need him to make yourself feel better. Deal with it alone and it'll happen less and less.

Reply 33

curryADD

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Maybe its just a first relationship thing? I REALLY hope so. Its so much better identifying these things though. You start to feel like its just you as a person and you'll never get better.

I think it is probably a first relationship thing, as many young girls don't have the best self-esteem to begin with, and they feel that this is the first person ever to really choose to have them around. I think quite a few probably grow out of it, but unfortunately some people develop similar patterns in the long term. I know that I was very introspective after Aaron and I broke up and found the problem within myself and tried to fix what I could have done to be a better person within the relationship. That is not to say that he wasn't an absolute jerk, because he was. :wink:

Reply 34

Tipitman

How are you with other people? Do you have other freinds that you could possibly share your emotions with so not to overload your bf? And finally do you feel that this dependence is because of maybe an underlying fear about the relationship like maybe loosing him?

Hope your well, Tipitman.

Reply 35

ßlαcksωαn

You're a car crash waiting to happen. Yes your parenter should be there for your emotional needs, but when you get so crazy, clingy, emotional, wanna die when he doesnt answer his phone whatever. You hate him and blame him for being insensitive and not caring 'like he used to'. Did you ever think maybe you weren't behaving this way earlier in the relationship? You need to be able to suuport yourself no matter what. Put yourself in his shoes, you're probably driving him mad. though I can relate to you OP, it's hard but you have to pull yourself together or you will lose him.

Reply 36

Zamolxes

Original post by ßl&#945

This

Reply 37

Anonymous #1

Original post by ßl&#945

You're absolutely right. I know I used to be stronger but the way he reacts makes me weaker not stronger and I keep going back for more. I understand why he is annoyed with me, probably desensitised to all the crying and panicking. But deep down I feel so lonely and scared and I don't think before pouring my heart out to him. I will try and be more independant from now on.

Reply 38

Anonymous #2

I understand where you're coming from... I went through that like 6 months ago, and then I called for a major break. Well, my break is for 2 years lol... so ummm, maybe not.

O man... love is confusing.

Reply 39

WokSz

Although his reaction to it is harsh, he does have a point. It's annoying when a girl panics ALL the time. Maybe you need to get a grip and actually prepare for things. Maybe he sees this and doesn't actually have sympathy for you.