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Advice please brothers and sisters (muslim)

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Reply 20

It might be little staight forward but,
Talk to her about telling her parents that she is wanting to marry. Marriage would not prevent any goals like uni or driving. Do it quick as it may be hard for you to wait.

Reply 21

V31lgD

If you ask from an islamic perspective, you should talk to her father, I understand that that's hard for you in this situation. Also both of you stop talking, don't be so attached that if it doesn't work out، you'll get so upset about it. Think practically here, does her deen satisfy you, her akhlaq(manners), her way of talking to her parents, and some more important things. If there is a problem in these things, then the marriage will not end up quite well. All this should be done in the presence of you, her and her father (if the father refuses to marry off her daughter without any legitimate reason, the guardianship passes to older brother, if he also does the same or brother is young, then the local imam is the guardian of her. I don't know if you're a practicing muslim but keep things halal because if something starts with a haram it' doesn't end well.
If she has told her parents regarding marriage and her parents don't agree, then there not much you can do. Either talk to her father on phone directly or in person, or "wait" till she completes her driving and degree or else leave her and look for someone else.
Marriage doesn't pose problem in studies or any other goals.

May Allah do what's best for you

Salam 3laikum

Reply 22

Anonymous #6

Original post

by Anonymous

Salaam,
Brothers and Sisters. I hope you are well and in thestrongest health and imaan. My question to you is wouldyou say that despite making it clear to the girl you wouldlike to marry, about marriage and that you are told itmaybe 2/3 years of wait to get married and in telling herparents. You’ve waited nearly 2 years and although shehas other goals such as wanting to complete her driving,complete her degree with only a year left beforegraduation all this that she’d hope to achieve this year andnext year before even talks of marriage then get underwaywhilst I maybe in acceptance and have the willingness towait for her is it harsh in seeking a little reassurance fromthe girl parents in-spite of my parents being aware of mydesire to marry the girl and that do you also think it is alittle selfish to think about personal goals rather thansomething we both want and that I have made clear to herto about just engagement before any talks of marriage getunderway which will most likely be after her university inthis current situation what would you do in my scenarioand within my shoes what is your opinion on this.
Jazakallah

In my experience with my muslim female friends, their parents are often much stricter about dating and boys. She may be afraid to tell them as she has a lot more to lose regarding her reputation if someone sees her courting you for 2-3 years and decides she's being promiscuous or a bad woman. It's perhaps not in scripture but in real life muslim women are treated worse than muslim men by their communities in the dating/marriage sphere and if she has strict parents she may be fearing their rejection.

Perhaps she wants to finish her degree so that if things go badly with her parents- which is likely if she hasn't told them yet- she will not rely on them for school fees, and can get a job and drive herself to places. She is being smart and sensible here and obviously has her own reasons for her insistence. So, I would ask you to practice basic empathy and see her perspective on the issue. Hope this helps. Also, learn how to use a spacebar properly.

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