The Student Room Group

Lonely at University

Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.
I’ve heard that it’s pretty hard to make friends (solid friends) in first year. I can imagine that all of you kind of feel off without that one friend. I read that you’re more likely to make solid friends in second year than first. How about the people on your course?
I’d give even one society a try and if you don’t like it, you don’t and that’s okay! I was curious about what types of societies are available? One thing you could try to ask your flatmates if they want to go with you?
I quite enjoy my own company, so my advice might be a bit less helpful 😅. I apologise for that.
I found that getting people together for small things works. And hey, maybe your flatmates would enjoy sitting and just talking about things and how you guys miss the flatmate who left, so getting them together (a drink you may like together, or a casual game, cooking something together) could help.
I really do hope it works out though and I hope you guys really are able to get through it! 💕
Hi,

I'm sorry you're going through this, it was great to hear your approach to first year to talk to as many people as possible and to hear about all the things yourself and flat mates have gotten up but I understand how this change has made you feel the way it has.

With the concern about societies why don't you make your own! This could be a massive opportunity to get people who are also in your position together, and it doesn't have to be centred around students who are lonely of course, it could be something you're interested in or even a study group. If this is something out of your comfort zone that's completely fine, maybe look at some societies you never would have considered and jump into something new.

Talking about studying groups, have you maybe tried asking your flatmates if they want to study together with you? This could be a good opportunity to all hang out again.

What are people on your course like? Have you tried making connections here and if so how did they go?

I hope this helps and good luck,
Katie (Film Graduate)
University of Wolverhampton
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.

Hey There,

I'm Will, a Media Production student at Bournemouth University.

I completely understand what you've talked about. It's actuallly more common than you think feeling lonely at Uni.
One thing that my university do, is if there are no clubs or societies, you can create one. That could be an option?
But also something I do is i am quite an avid fan of watching Twitch streamers and they have their own communities where I have made lots of friends. But this isn't for everybody.

I hope this helps a bit
Will - BU Student Rep
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.

Posts like these are difficult to respond to as the original poster posits a complex challenge.

You don't seem to be interested in the societies nor the sports-related clubs, which are the main ways for students to interact and engage. Yet, you are complaining of being lonely. Your problem has a clear solution, if you are willing to join societies and make new friends.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.

Hi there ,
I'm sorry to hear that your social life has slowly fizzled but that is a normal part of university life the dynamic of friendships tend to evolve , some sooner than others and one of your friends leaving is a normal way that friendships change. Personally my social life is amazing over the summer and closer to the summer months but in the start of the academic year and in the middle I have so much school work and so little time for friends that most of my friendships experience a low period.
I know you mentioned that you don't like all the available clubs and societies but I strongly advise you to try one they are a great place to meet new people , your other option would be attending university events hosted by your student union. Maybe try something you usually aren't interested in , to see if you can learn something new.
Otherwise you can use this time to work on yourself , maybe this is the perfect opportunity to do some personal growth. Read some more and maybe teach yourself a new skill.
Cece
Energy Engineering Student
De Montfort University
Hello,

I am sorry you feel this way, as an international student I also struggled to make friends in my first year.

Other than societies and sport, you can try to make friends through the library (as often there are social spaces where you can just chat and meet people). As a medical student, I made a lot of my friends procrastinating in the library and eventually I joined study groups.

Another unconventional way to make friends is through apps like Yubo or Peanut, and meet people near you with common interest.

In addition, try to see if your universities offer any group activities, or maybe even pop a text on the group chat and see if anyone would be happy to do any activity.

If you ever feel like you want to speak to someone, make sure you reach out to your university's support services. They are always helpful.

I really hope it works out! It gets better with time❤️
Haya
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.

Anon,

Even if you're not so keen on joining a society, it's likely there are some university events going on that you could attend. You could even ask some of your flatmates if they would like to come along, but even if they don't it might be worthwhile checking them out.

You could explore opportunities outside of university. Perhaps volunteering to help with a cause you are interested in or just getting to know your university town or city better.

You could also try and keep in contact with the friend who's left, who might want to stay in contact and who might encourage you get to know some other international students. You could work with the university to help organise some events for international students, who can often feel lonely.

Instead of focusing on what was, try and focus on what could be.

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey,

I started university in October and came to love my life here really quickly. I've always been a naturally quiet guy and struggled to make friends through school and college. So, I spoke to as many people as I could when I got here, jumping at any opportunity to make friends and it worked. I don't find it hard speaking to new people so I adapted quite quickly here.

I became friends with my flatmates and it was fun. None of us really like drinking so we used to have a dynamic where we'd all spend the evening in the kitchen together chatting, cooking, playing card games, watching movies etc and it was so much fun. There would usually be four of us because the 5th flatmate spends most of his time with other people or in his room. Though, over christmas one of my flatmates finished their exchange and went back to their home country. So now there's three of us, including me, and it doesn't feel the same anymore.

I've looked at societies but none interest me. Although Id love to join a society that just has casual meetups on the weekends for card games and movies, there isn't one :frown: Most societies are sport-related which I'm not interested in and of those that are left none interest me.

I don't regret coming here because the degree that Im doing is perfect but im sad that my social life is starting to phase out. It sucks

I have no reason for posting but I'm alone in my room and have nothing to do. Thanks for reading :frown:

It feels so quiet and empty here most days. We don't spend as much time together anymore. I did a lot in the first term here but despite speaking to so many people I feel like I haven't made any close connections yet. I don't feel like I click with anyone. It's starting to feel lonely here by myself. Every day is the same and nothing interesting is happening. Its not fun anymore. Most days I feel like im on autopilot and just zone out to the point where it feels like I'm looking out of someone elses eyes if that makes sense? It's not fun here anymore. I've tried reaching out to the friends I've made to do something but it never ends up working out and now I spent most evenings in my bedroom alone.

Hiya, I'm so sorry to hear this and totally relate to this feeling, even if your course is perfect and degree is great, friends are so important to be able to share all of that with!

With societies, it might be possible to set up your own! Ask your student union, let them know you're interested and see if anyone feels the same as you and would be interested in a movie/card games/ potentially even Sober Society? (as it sounds like drinking isn't your thing!) I set up a society at Manchester uni (for Creative Writing) and most of my long term friends were ones I met there!

Keep your head up and I hope it gets better for you soon!

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