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BlackHawk
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#21
Report Thread starter 14 years ago
#21
If we can sue cigarette companies for giving us lung cancer
and we can sue msdonalds for making us fat
why can't we sue smirnoff for all the ugly *******s we've shagged

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BlackHawk
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#22
Report Thread starter 14 years ago
#22
A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too."

"No, a straw," says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".
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#23
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#23
At a golf game in Britain recently.........

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends
over to
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and
reveals her lack of
underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any
knickers?" her
husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough
housekeeping money to
afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his
pocket and says,
"For the sake of decency, here's 50 pounds. Go and buy
yourself some underwear!."


Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set
her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin
Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I
can't afford any
on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and
says, "For the
sake of decency, here's 20 pounds. Go and buy yourself som
underwear!"


Lastly, the Frenchman's wife bends over. The
wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Oh la la la la mon cherie! Ver iz yer granmuzer panties?" She
too explains, "You never geev meee enaf maney to buy ze panties, you spend it all on cheese, merde." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and
says, "For ze love 'o Jesus and Cheese, 'n the sake of decency,
here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!."
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BlackHawk
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#24
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#24
awww Im scottish
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roff
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#25
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#25
read it again babe
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BlackHawk
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#26
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#26
love it
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LPK
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#27
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#27
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.
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