The Student Room Group

Frustrated with unemployed boyfriend!

I’ve recently been feeling really frustrated with my boyfriend. He’s a lovely guy and I do love him, but he comes from a wealthy background and doesn’t work. He’s 18, as am I. I find it really hard to manage my feelings around him having everything handed to him while I’ve been working since I was 13 for everything I have. He had a job for a few months last year, but has been unemployed for many months and is not actively looking for employment. I think his lifestyle is just so different than mine that I struggle with it a bit. I’m a very busy person - I’m studying a few advanced highers as well as figure skating regularly, which I pay for, and having my part time waitressing job. On top of all of this I managed to save up for and take driving lessons and pass my test. I can’t afford insurance, so I unfortunately haven’t been driving since I passed my test. What frustrates me is that if my boyfriend wanted to learn to drive his parents would happily pay for his lessons and insurance - but he still won’t learn! Maybe if I’m being honest I’m a little jealous thinking about how easy his life must be. I can’t even imagine being unemployed and not stressing at all about money. He’s a lot less busy than I am too - he’s studying at a lower level than I am which requires less study time, and doesn’t have any hobbies that take up his time either. I’m so maxed out constantly that it drives me mad! All of my friends boyfriends have jobs are can drive/ are learning to drive and I find myself wishing my boyfriend did these things too. How can I manage these feelings?
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’ve recently been feeling really frustrated with my boyfriend. He’s a lovely guy and I do love him, but he comes from a wealthy background and doesn’t work. He’s 18, as am I. I find it really hard to manage my feelings around him having everything handed to him while I’ve been working since I was 13 for everything I have. He had a job for a few months last year, but has been unemployed for many months and is not actively looking for employment. I think his lifestyle is just so different than mine that I struggle with it a bit. I’m a very busy person - I’m studying a few advanced highers as well as figure skating regularly, which I pay for, and having my part time waitressing job. On top of all of this I managed to save up for and take driving lessons and pass my test. I can’t afford insurance, so I unfortunately haven’t been driving since I passed my test. What frustrates me is that if my boyfriend wanted to learn to drive his parents would happily pay for his lessons and insurance - but he still won’t learn! Maybe if I’m being honest I’m a little jealous thinking about how easy his life must be. I can’t even imagine being unemployed and not stressing at all about money. He’s a lot less busy than I am too - he’s studying at a lower level than I am which requires less study time, and doesn’t have any hobbies that take up his time either. I’m so maxed out constantly that it drives me mad! All of my friends boyfriends have jobs are can drive/ are learning to drive and I find myself wishing my boyfriend did these things too. How can I manage these feelings?
I've not been in the exact same situation- but I get it. I would suggest that you stop comparing yourself to him. He can't help how he was brought up and to be honest you're both young, you're learning how to be adults at the same time that you're building ur futures. you're doing an awesome job juggling everything on your plate, and i really hope it gets easier over time and you start seeing the benefits of ur hard work. It's easy to push frustration coming from bigger topics (like financial issues, academic stress) onto smaller everyday things (driving- not saying driving is unimportant, but ygm). And I mean this in the best way possible, but he doesn't owe anyone anything just because he comes from money. (I'm saying this hoping that hes not some rude snob bc you seem sensible lol and probably wouldn't date someone like that?) Maybe bring up the driving thing with him in the context of helping you out as a gf, and it just being a useful life skill to have, instead of it being something he should do just because others are/he can afford it. Please try to remember that he is not his bank account. the line from taking healthy support from a bf, and unintentionally using them is really fine, and easy to cross, even with the best of intentions. I really hope i havent come off as patronising or anything, but i think being clear about money and stuff is really important in a relationship, and you should definitely tell him how you feel. step one to solving problems, is actually making sure both of you are aware of it. sounds silly but its easy to jump to conclusions and arguments when you're on different pages.

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