life sucks
how do I stop making life suck.
I'm currently 18 and studying my last year in sixth form, but I'm also doing an A level music online course on top of it (which I am now on my first year). I think I want to compose music for film, it's the only thing that I feel passionate towards. But the more I expose myself to other composers my age or younger, I'm afraid I don't have the skill level for it .
In year 12 I didn't have music and I had felt like a vacuum had sucked out all my vital organs. I'm trying so hard to catch up to everyone (especially since I haven't performed since I was out of the womb like many other composers). In fact I had started piano at 10 but never really stuck to it, there was a few years where I didnt have any lessons at all and on the summer of year 12 I tried to get back to music and I found a piano teacher who I asked to be my theory teacher and ultimately became my piano teacher, once I started my Alevel online music course. She is really good but I'm afraid I won't get to the required grade 7 level by the actual A level assessment (when I met her I was around a low grade 4). Despite all this I tried to be as good a candidate as I could.
In year 12 I applied for EPQ (which I finished and got an A), and DofE silver (which I have now completed but have never done before).
I know that I'm doing the right things but I also know that life can sometimes be a *****.
I'm scared that all the effort I'm putting and all the money I'm wasting from my parents (because I have no time to have a job or get a drivers' licsense, which everyone is getting around and suddenly becoming adults) will be all for nothing. Because I know that I could crack at any moment and if my mind takes over I could just become a recluse, who eventually becomes homeless.
It really hurts and I don't know what I should do
I'm currently 18 and studying my last year in sixth form, but I'm also doing an A level music online course on top of it (which I am now on my first year). I think I want to compose music for film, it's the only thing that I feel passionate towards. But the more I expose myself to other composers my age or younger, I'm afraid I don't have the skill level for it .
In year 12 I didn't have music and I had felt like a vacuum had sucked out all my vital organs. I'm trying so hard to catch up to everyone (especially since I haven't performed since I was out of the womb like many other composers). In fact I had started piano at 10 but never really stuck to it, there was a few years where I didnt have any lessons at all and on the summer of year 12 I tried to get back to music and I found a piano teacher who I asked to be my theory teacher and ultimately became my piano teacher, once I started my Alevel online music course. She is really good but I'm afraid I won't get to the required grade 7 level by the actual A level assessment (when I met her I was around a low grade 4). Despite all this I tried to be as good a candidate as I could.
In year 12 I applied for EPQ (which I finished and got an A), and DofE silver (which I have now completed but have never done before).
I know that I'm doing the right things but I also know that life can sometimes be a *****.
I'm scared that all the effort I'm putting and all the money I'm wasting from my parents (because I have no time to have a job or get a drivers' licsense, which everyone is getting around and suddenly becoming adults) will be all for nothing. Because I know that I could crack at any moment and if my mind takes over I could just become a recluse, who eventually becomes homeless.
It really hurts and I don't know what I should do
First of all, slow down. There is so much in your mind at the moment and that is perfectly normal for anyone in your shoes (or any shoes for that matter). You will not end up homeless. Secondly, try your best to focus on yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy - and also gratitude. You've come a long way and you are doing your best with the things you've got. I know all your peers seem to be developing at lightning speed, but everyone and everything has its season, you're focusing on some pretty big things, and they may just have more free time to do this. I was in your position too last year and it was eating me up! But don't worry because life is not meant to be cookie-cutter and one size fits all. Its different for everyone. There is still time - plenty of it. The horizon seems so close in a vast ocean (idk if that even makes sense lmao, but we often have more time than we think and stress is great at distorting time). And idk if you believe in anything but I will be praying for you because there is hope! You've got this - I believe in you!
Life is not a race, people do things at different times. Just because other people are getting part time jobs now doesn't mean you should - everyone's circumstances are different.
Now lets look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Do you have enough food to eat? Do you have clothes to wear? Do you have a clean place to live and sleep? If you have all of those things then you are significantly luckier than a decent section of the world's population. Life doesn't suck.
Next, it sounds like you have 2 parents and they are willing to spend money on you. If they are kind people, who want the best for you, then that's a good deal better than some of your peers who are already working lots of hours so that they can start saving towards moving away from unpleasant, toxic or abusive parents. Life doesn't suck.
Next, it sounds like you are making really impressive progress with your piano, keep going. So what if you don't get grade 7 within the time? You aren't expected to go from this straight into composing music scores for films. Instead, you simply find a job that you won't hate and continue learning piano on the side, look for jobs in the music industry that you want to do and find out what you need to get there. It's much easier to be applying for jobs you want to do whilst you are in a job already (that isn't the dream but you don't mind doing it).
You're getting way too ahead of yourself, the future isn't linear - the job market doesn't operate in straight lines. Appreciate the things you do have, lots of others don't have them, life doesn't suck.
Now lets look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Do you have enough food to eat? Do you have clothes to wear? Do you have a clean place to live and sleep? If you have all of those things then you are significantly luckier than a decent section of the world's population. Life doesn't suck.
Next, it sounds like you have 2 parents and they are willing to spend money on you. If they are kind people, who want the best for you, then that's a good deal better than some of your peers who are already working lots of hours so that they can start saving towards moving away from unpleasant, toxic or abusive parents. Life doesn't suck.
Next, it sounds like you are making really impressive progress with your piano, keep going. So what if you don't get grade 7 within the time? You aren't expected to go from this straight into composing music scores for films. Instead, you simply find a job that you won't hate and continue learning piano on the side, look for jobs in the music industry that you want to do and find out what you need to get there. It's much easier to be applying for jobs you want to do whilst you are in a job already (that isn't the dream but you don't mind doing it).
You're getting way too ahead of yourself, the future isn't linear - the job market doesn't operate in straight lines. Appreciate the things you do have, lots of others don't have them, life doesn't suck.
Your life doesn't suck. You're pursuing what you love, which a lot of people don't do. If your parents love you enough to pay for that music A level then they love you enough to house you. Forget your fear and give it your all. you still have that EPQ so you have a tiny bit of insurance so just believe in yourself because if you give up now, you'll regret it. If you're getting E's 4 months before, then quit but if you're passing don't. BELIEVE in yourself.
Original post by NicoDiA
how do I stop making life suck.
I'm currently 18 and studying my last year in sixth form, but I'm also doing an A level music online course on top of it (which I am now on my first year). I think I want to compose music for film, it's the only thing that I feel passionate towards. But the more I expose myself to other composers my age or younger, I'm afraid I don't have the skill level for it .
In year 12 I didn't have music and I had felt like a vacuum had sucked out all my vital organs. I'm trying so hard to catch up to everyone (especially since I haven't performed since I was out of the womb like many other composers). In fact I had started piano at 10 but never really stuck to it, there was a few years where I didnt have any lessons at all and on the summer of year 12 I tried to get back to music and I found a piano teacher who I asked to be my theory teacher and ultimately became my piano teacher, once I started my Alevel online music course. She is really good but I'm afraid I won't get to the required grade 7 level by the actual A level assessment (when I met her I was around a low grade 4). Despite all this I tried to be as good a candidate as I could.
In year 12 I applied for EPQ (which I finished and got an A), and DofE silver (which I have now completed but have never done before).
I know that I'm doing the right things but I also know that life can sometimes be a *****.
I'm scared that all the effort I'm putting and all the money I'm wasting from my parents (because I have no time to have a job or get a drivers' licsense, which everyone is getting around and suddenly becoming adults) will be all for nothing. Because I know that I could crack at any moment and if my mind takes over I could just become a recluse, who eventually becomes homeless.
It really hurts and I don't know what I should do
I'm currently 18 and studying my last year in sixth form, but I'm also doing an A level music online course on top of it (which I am now on my first year). I think I want to compose music for film, it's the only thing that I feel passionate towards. But the more I expose myself to other composers my age or younger, I'm afraid I don't have the skill level for it .
In year 12 I didn't have music and I had felt like a vacuum had sucked out all my vital organs. I'm trying so hard to catch up to everyone (especially since I haven't performed since I was out of the womb like many other composers). In fact I had started piano at 10 but never really stuck to it, there was a few years where I didnt have any lessons at all and on the summer of year 12 I tried to get back to music and I found a piano teacher who I asked to be my theory teacher and ultimately became my piano teacher, once I started my Alevel online music course. She is really good but I'm afraid I won't get to the required grade 7 level by the actual A level assessment (when I met her I was around a low grade 4). Despite all this I tried to be as good a candidate as I could.
In year 12 I applied for EPQ (which I finished and got an A), and DofE silver (which I have now completed but have never done before).
I know that I'm doing the right things but I also know that life can sometimes be a *****.
I'm scared that all the effort I'm putting and all the money I'm wasting from my parents (because I have no time to have a job or get a drivers' licsense, which everyone is getting around and suddenly becoming adults) will be all for nothing. Because I know that I could crack at any moment and if my mind takes over I could just become a recluse, who eventually becomes homeless.
It really hurts and I don't know what I should do
And also you are catastrophising as well. Being a recluse, homelessness, Im sure your parents would not do that to you, but its wise to talk to them about how stressed you are, as its not good bottling it up. Also things do not have a straight path from A-B when it comes to the end job goal. My youngest was all set at uni, and she went, got homesick, came back for a year, did some work, and starting this year at a closer uni which has a better course modules than the first uni. Eldest had the Oxford dream, got rejected, ended up at another fab uni, had great 1st year, terrible second year, great third year and on for a great 4th year and has a phd in september this year.
You are going to have hard moments, just like you are having today. But you will overcome them.
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