The Student Room Group

Confiidence in clubs - for the women...

Was just thinking of womens opinions of this. If a guy approaches you in a club and you reject his advances for whatever reason, what is your opinion after that of the guy?

Are you flattered because he showed confidence walking to you and trying to start a conversation. Do you think thats "confidence" or do you think "oh it was just another guy trying to hit on me"

What is your idea of confidence in a club environment exactly.
(edited 4 years ago)

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Reply 1
Well some girls reject dancing with guys because they're already in a relationship, they're shy or just generally don't want to get in the motion of anything. Of course you can't hear somebodies life story in a loud nightclub. But take the facts into consideration.
But that's not to say some girls do reject advances because they do not feel the guy, because that also happens.
Confidence in a club? Somebody who's smiley, friendly and not alone - with a group of friends that shows he is likeable also bonus is asking a girl if she'd like a drink and vice-versa.
Reply 2
See , girls are stupid and fickle species ,I pull for my friends by just being stupidly confident.

=P if it wasnt for my girlfriend, id b out there havin some fun =P
i just tell them to **** off. i just assume it's a joke and that their friends are playing 'pull the biggest minger' or whatever. i never talk to guys in clubs if they come up to me, it's not worth it incase it's a joke.

And no, I wouldn't think it was confidence, everyone's confident when they're pissed and horny.
Reply 4
vapid slut magician
i just tell them to **** off. i just assume it's a joke and that their friends are playing 'pull the biggest minger' or whatever. i never talk to guys in clubs if they come up to me, it's not worth it incase it's a joke.

And no, I wouldn't think it was confidence, everyone's confident when they're pissed and horny.


Why are you so devoid of self confidence? :s-smilie:
Reply 5
Generally, I would class anyone who's not sat in the corner on their own nursing their pint as confident.

Also, if someone come up to me asked to buy me a drink, compliments me or whatever. Ill thank them, accept and chat for a bit, unless their completley arrogant. I mean if they've risk to come over im not going to tell them to go away and make look like a loser in front of their mates. And if I do deline I do it nicley.
I can usually tell what a guys after and adapt what i do/say accordingly, so not to give the wrong impression and look like a whore. But no matter what their intentions im always flattered, and usually repect the people who have the courage to go up to a complete stranger. I couldnt do it without being completley intoxicatied.
It's much more natural to talk to someone at/near the bar or in a communal seating area with groups pushed close together than it is on the dancefloor. Give it a try.
samba
Why are you so devoid of self confidence? :s-smilie:

why wouldn't I be?

It's not even a matter of confidence, I just don't like to give people a chance to make fun of me.
Reply 8
vapid slut magician
why wouldn't I be?

It's not even a matter of confidence, I just don't like to give people a chance to make fun of me.


There's always a reason for that level of insecurity. Status quo would be to play along and not give a crap, as you'd likely be pissed and horny too. Defence mechanisms like yours aren't automatic; there's a reason for them.

What do you care if they make fun of you? They mean nothing to you. Unless you're emotionally screwed up. [and i don't mean that in an offensive way]
Reply 9
Samantha-91


Confidence is definately when a guy takes the time to smile first and kind of keep catching eye contact with each other before he comes over and starts talking. I hate it when they just spot you and come over straight away. Seems a bit desperate. Definately need a lotsss of flirtly conversation too


I definitely disagree. Not coming over immediately, is a sign of lack of confidence, in my opinion. Of course, I'd catch their eye first, then walk over, not just sneak up from behind. Guys who don't come over, generally have to pluck up the courage to come over. If I see someone who looks interesting, I go over and start a conversation, I don't glance at them for 20 minutes from across the room, unless I was busy. I don't think it's desperate at all actually, because I know there's lots of attractive women in the room, I don't want to waste time merely catching your eye when I could be getting to know you, and finding if you're worth getting to know better. And if you aren't, I haven't wasted my time on you. Because eye contact tells you very little about the person.
Samantha-91
Well, that's just what I thought as a girl. But, everyone has different opinions on the matter


Quite. It would be boring if everyone agreed.

Do you do anything except shop?
"oh it was just another guy trying to hit on me"
Reply 12
come to think of it, the only times I've ever pulled boys in clubs is when they've just started dancing with me. once they start trying to give a bit of chat, I get bored and wander off.
Reply 13
vapid slut magician
i just tell them to **** off. i just assume it's a joke and that their friends are playing 'pull the biggest minger' or whatever. i never talk to guys in clubs if they come up to me, it's not worth it incase it's a joke.

And no, I wouldn't think it was confidence, everyone's confident when they're pissed and horny.


Unfortunately I agree with that.
Though recently i've thought "bugger it" and just danced with any old sod, quite literally.
Reply 14
It matters on his looks and his apparent social standing.

If it's someone below my league, I would be a bit offended that he thought that he had a chance.
I'm usually very drunk in the club environment and tend to go towards the girls who look most up for it.

Basically I end most nights just crazy dancing alone. When I ask girls to dance I frequently get knocked back but when I don't ask and just randomly try to grab dat ass or grind on a random they move away or look at me in disgust
Reply 16
fisherman
I definitely disagree. Not coming over immediately, is a sign of lack of confidence, in my opinion. Of course, I'd catch their eye first, then walk over, not just sneak up from behind. Guys who don't come over, generally have to pluck up the courage to come over. If I see someone who looks interesting, I go over and start a conversation, I don't glance at them for 20 minutes from across the room, unless I was busy. I don't think it's desperate at all actually, because I know there's lots of attractive women in the room, I don't want to waste time merely catching your eye when I could be getting to know you, and finding if you're worth getting to know better. And if you aren't, I haven't wasted my time on you. Because eye contact tells you very little about the person.


True, as unhelpful as this is, it depends entirely on the male. Some guys that 'observe' from a distance look mysterious, so it's fun knowing they're looking and a lot of females would engage in a game so to speak i.e. glances back, smiling, etc. As nice as that is, some guys that smile and observe from a distance just look incredibly creepy. Same goes for the approach tactic, some guys that go for the kill just look desperate (and a little sleazy sometimes), whereas others come across as charming and interesting. So yes, this reply wasn't overly helpful, but it definitely depends on the guy and the girl as I know quite a lot of girls that wouldn't dare talk to a random guy in a club as they assume he's only after some action. So yes, everyone is different.
Reply 17
I have a boyfriend so I would always say no lol but I would prefer if a guy came over and spoke to me rather than just started to dance with me!
See, you're doing it wrong.

All you have to do is dress well, have fun and keep your eyes open for the women that are feeling you. Once you can recognise these women, go over and say hello. It's that simple.

Don't get sloppy drunk (unless you set out to get drunk that night) and don't hassle the women that ain't feeling you.

ez game.
(edited 4 years ago)
samba
There's always a reason for that level of insecurity. Status quo would be to play along and not give a crap, as you'd likely be pissed and horny too. Defence mechanisms like yours aren't automatic; there's a reason for them.

What do you care if they make fun of you? They mean nothing to you. Unless you're emotionally screwed up. [and i don't mean that in an offensive way]

because im intensely paranoid and the thought of a pile of men laughing at me in a club would ruin my night, upset me, and possibly make me suicidal.