The Student Room Group

Controlling parents

I'm in my early twenties living at home. I can't go out and do anything at all without a million questions from my dad about where I'm going, who it's with, how long it will be and if he doesn't like the answers he gets mean and makes me feel horrible. I want to go and hang out with my best friend who my dad hates, he doesn't even think we are best friends. For the record, my best friend has done nothing wrong my dad just doesn't like him.

I can't find an excuse to be able to go and hang out with him. I can't use work as an excuse as I work in the same place as some family members who would tell him I was lying about being there. I don't really have other friends to use as an excuse either. I have one other friend but we don't meet very often at all and my dad always video calls me to check where I am when I'm with this friend. I'm so suffocated here and I'm not sure what to do to be able to live my own life with my best friend. Any suggestions would be really appreciated.
Is there anyway you can save up and move out?
Reply 2
Original post by bones-mccoy
Is there anyway you can save up and move out?
Not with the job I currently have, but I am looking for another job that will hopefully make it possible to move out within a year or so.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my early twenties living at home. I can't go out and do anything at all without a million questions from my dad about where I'm going, who it's with, how long it will be and if he doesn't like the answers he gets mean and makes me feel horrible. I want to go and hang out with my best friend who my dad hates, he doesn't even think we are best friends. For the record, my best friend has done nothing wrong my dad just doesn't like him.
I can't find an excuse to be able to go and hang out with him. I can't use work as an excuse as I work in the same place as some family members who would tell him I was lying about being there. I don't really have other friends to use as an excuse either. I have one other friend but we don't meet very often at all and my dad always video calls me to check where I am when I'm with this friend. I'm so suffocated here and I'm not sure what to do to be able to live my own life with my best friend. Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

bro you 20 your an adult you can do what ever you want your dad can't tell you what to do you have to be a man and stand up for your self
"Dad, I'm 20, catch you later."
Original post by Admit-One
"Dad, I'm 20, catch you later."

if OP did that they would very likely kick them out of the house - then what? they already said they can't afford to get their own place
Original post by Anonymous
if OP did that they would very likely kick them out of the house - then what? they already said they can't afford to get their own place


They said they receive a lot of questions and that their dad "gets mean". They didnt say anything about threats of being thrown out.

Unfortunately the dad is going to have to get used to not having his way and that a 20 year old is going to have a life outside of the household.
Original post by Admit-One
They said they receive a lot of questions and that their dad "gets mean". They didnt say anything about threats of being thrown out.
Unfortunately the dad is going to have to get used to not having his way and that a 20 year old is going to have a life outside of the household.

Yes they didn't, but could you imagine the reaction of someone who controls every aspect of their adult child's life if they went against them like that? I'm sure the dad wouldn't take this lightly and just choose to accept it. The dad still has the ability to control OP's life because they still share the same roof over their head, without this, I'm sure they wouldn't be having this problem.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm in my early twenties living at home. I can't go out and do anything at all without a million questions from my dad about where I'm going, who it's with, how long it will be and if he doesn't like the answers he gets mean and makes me feel horrible. I want to go and hang out with my best friend who my dad hates, he doesn't even think we are best friends. For the record, my best friend has done nothing wrong my dad just doesn't like him.
I can't find an excuse to be able to go and hang out with him. I can't use work as an excuse as I work in the same place as some family members who would tell him I was lying about being there. I don't really have other friends to use as an excuse either. I have one other friend but we don't meet very often at all and my dad always video calls me to check where I am when I'm with this friend. I'm so suffocated here and I'm not sure what to do to be able to live my own life with my best friend. Any suggestions would be really appreciated.

Sounds like he is super overprotective, My parents were like this, in the end, I was just fed up and I gave them a very long angry lecture on what they are doing, obviously all parents are different but this made mine realise that i'm not their little girl anymore and I had to explain to them what they were doing wrong and they thought about it and realised their mistakes, this did take a few tries though as my dad is particularly stubborn.
At one point I had to start ignoring them for periods of time to make them realise that their constant company wasn't appreciated.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes they didn't, but could you imagine the reaction of someone who controls every aspect of their adult child's life if they went against them like that? I'm sure the dad wouldn't take this lightly and just choose to accept it. The dad still has the ability to control OP's life because they still share the same roof over their head, without this, I'm sure they wouldn't be having this problem.

But as a 20 year old, leaving the house should in no way be normalised as "going against them". Nor saying to a parent, I'm off out for a bit now, here is when I expect to be back.

As above, I suspect dad might have a bit of a sulk as he hasn't got much else going on in his life, but as kids get older they no longer require a carer. The relationship must change or you end up with these daft toxic scenarios. At some point there has to be some push back with "no, this is unreasonable".
Original post by Admit-One
But as a 20 year old, leaving the house should in no way be normalised as "going against them". Nor saying to a parent, I'm off out for a bit now, here is when I expect to be back.
As above, I suspect dad might have a bit of a sulk as he hasn't got much else going on in his life, but as kids get older they no longer require a carer. The relationship must change or you end up with these daft toxic scenarios. At some point there has to be some push back with "no, this is unreasonable".

Yeah I completely understand where you're coming from. However, as someone who has been in a very similar situation, I can say that it is simply not as easy. Of course, their situation could be very different and maybe having a word with their dad may actually solve things. I also grew up with really abusive parents (both verbally and physically) and was also limited on where and when I could go out. A lot of my friends also experienced the same thing and I saw that this is actually really common amongst ethnic parents. I lost it one day and explained to my parents, when I was 18, that im not little anymore and that I should be able to go out from time to time with friends and it actually back fired on me and my parents told me that I was ungrateful and basically disowned me. Luckily, I had enough money saved up. Hopefully, OP's situation gets better nonetheless.

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