The Student Room Group

Is being single forever a bad idea?

I haven't had a crush in 7 years, havent dated anyone. Haven't done anything with anyone. I'm 18. I love the idea of romance/relationships but then i hate the idea of having children but i feel like thats all any guy wants in a relationship later down the line, or the fact that they might say that they dont want kids but then change their mind and they leave or i feel obliged to have one. That just puts me off.

I'm just scared that i think i'll find the one but then they just change and i would have wasted my time over them. I always think that being single forever doesn't sound that bad, especially considering that i've never been in a relationship so its not as if im going to feel empty or miserable because i don't know the feeling of being loved.

Is this mindset weird to have at my age? Because i've given up at romance, i would rather admire people from afar at this point lol
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous #1
I haven't had a crush in 7 years, havent dated anyone. Haven't done anything with anyone. I'm 18. I love the idea of romance/relationships but then i hate the idea of having children but i feel like thats all any guy wants in a relationship later down the line, or the fact that they might say that they dont want kids but then change their mind and they leave or i feel obliged to have one. That just puts me off.
I'm just scared that i think i'll find the one but then they just change and i would have wasted my time over them. I always think that being single forever doesn't sound that bad, especially considering that i've never been in a relationship so its not as if im going to feel empty or miserable because i don't know the feeling of being loved.
Is this mindset weird to have at my age? Because i've given up at romance, i would rather admire people from afar at this point lol

I mean if you are happy being single then you should pressure yourself into a relationship, my best tip is probably to not go searching for a relationship or dwell on it too much but rather live your life and if the right person comes along then maybe give them a shot. Plenty of people never settle down with anyone or army interested in having kids but as long as they are happy with their lives then I don’t see a problem
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
I haven't had a crush in 7 years, havent dated anyone. Haven't done anything with anyone. I'm 18. I love the idea of romance/relationships but then i hate the idea of having children but i feel like thats all any guy wants in a relationship later down the line, or the fact that they might say that they dont want kids but then change their mind and they leave or i feel obliged to have one. That just puts me off.
I'm just scared that i think i'll find the one but then they just change and i would have wasted my time over them. I always think that being single forever doesn't sound that bad, especially considering that i've never been in a relationship so its not as if im going to feel empty or miserable because i don't know the feeling of being loved.
Is this mindset weird to have at my age? Because i've given up at romance, i would rather admire people from afar at this point lol

18? And you're wondering about being single forever? Try being 34 years old like me.

And yes its weird having this mindset at your age.
Reply 3
It is neither good nor bad. I was single my whole life, and it never worried me.

I worked in the Child Support Agency and take my word for it: if children are involved in a relationship breakdown, you are basically (rude word). Pragmatically, these days, being in a relationship is risky, very risky, rather than good or bad. IMHO, it contributes to the prediction that by 2030, about 50% of people will be single. That does not mean you do not go out and socially interact with the opposite sex - just being more serious can be something of a crap shoot. It's entirely up to you if you want to pursue, or try to pursue, it. Thats where the other statistic comes in - 80% of women want 20% of the men. If you are not in that 20% life can be very frustrating - believe me. But I accepted my lot early on as did many of my friends. As an aside dont become an INCEL - they are so toxic its a blight on society.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 4
Choosing to be happily single forever is fine.
Many people have no desire for a partner, family or any commitment.

There are many people in the world who know that they don't want any children and opt for a childfree future.
Girls and guys.

You are at the start of your adult life and will likely have plenty of opportunities to date over the next few years.
At work, uni, pubs, bars, clubs and on holiday you will meet many single people.
With plenty of them looking to date, hookup or find a potential long term partner.
Odds are some of them will be compatible with your attraction dealbreakers and lifestyle preferences.
Good luck!
Reply 5
i cant get any girls because of assburgers and social anxiety so i dont have a choice
Reply 6
you could be asexual/aromantic! it's completely normal to feel this way and it is NOT a bad life. media likes potraying it like it is, but if you fill your time with people and things you love, you can live much happier than most couples. happiness in life comes from meaning, so try and find your meaning to life instead of a partner !!!
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous #2
you could be asexual/aromantic! it's completely normal to feel this way and it is NOT a bad life. media likes potraying it like it is, but if you fill your time with people and things you love, you can live much happier than most couples. happiness in life comes from meaning, so try and find your meaning to life instead of a partner !!!
I have questioned if i am that but its hard to tell because my social life is so small, i dont have many interactions to base it off
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous #1
I have questioned if i am that but its hard to tell because my social life is so small, i dont have many interactions to base it off

that's completely normal, when I was questioning my sexuality, something that helped me figure out what I am was looking at pages where people talk about how they discovered their identity. Maybe you should look at some ace/aro forums! Again, no pressure to put a label on your identity, I just thought it might be nice for you to know that you're not alone in this experience ❤️ it's perfectly normal to feel this way! I have a friend who is ace and they said their ideal life would be to own a tiny apartment with lots of plants, a cute balcony and a cat. They'd like to have friends round for endless cups of tea and be able to light some candles before they sleep. If that's the life for you, that's also perfectly fine!!! You got this boo x
I’ve had similar feelings, I’m also 20 and have never had a relationship. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not made for relationships/close connections and that’s okay, there are other things for me in life, and whilst I might get lonely and wish I had relationships, I wouldn’t be able to function in a relationship because those things aren’t meant for me.

When I tell people that, they usually start pitying me and giving me the condescending “there’s someone out there for everyone” talks but I know for a fact there isn’t and I’m learning to be okay with that. If you’re in a similar situation/mindset then it’s perfectly fine to know you will be single forever and to remain that way.

If it’s just the children thing though and you think you would be capable of having a productive relationship with someone else if you were certain they wouldn’t turn around and suddenly want kids, you could tell them you’re pretty sure you’re infertile. It’s slightly deceptive but sometimes you have to look out for your own interests. Just say something like “I’ve had some tests and they’re almost certain I couldn’t get pregnant”.
Original post by Anonymous
I haven't had a crush in 7 years, havent dated anyone. Haven't done anything with anyone. I'm 18. I love the idea of romance/relationships but then i hate the idea of having children but i feel like thats all any guy wants in a relationship later down the line, or the fact that they might say that they dont want kids but then change their mind and they leave or i feel obliged to have one. That just puts me off.
I'm just scared that i think i'll find the one but then they just change and i would have wasted my time over them. I always think that being single forever doesn't sound that bad, especially considering that i've never been in a relationship so its not as if im going to feel empty or miserable because i don't know the feeling of being loved.
Is this mindset weird to have at my age? Because i've given up at romance, i would rather admire people from afar at this point lol

It’s a bit weird to have such thoughts at 18. Life is full of risks and there is not much that you can do than to engage in good faith.
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
you could be asexual/aromantic! it's completely normal to feel this way and it is NOT a bad life. media likes potraying it like it is, but if you fill your time with people and things you love, you can live much happier than most couples. happiness in life comes from meaning, so try and find your meaning to life instead of a partner !!!

Hi, I'm 20, I've been having similar feelings to what OP described since I was 17-18. I have come to realize that I am likely on the asexual spectrum, although I would personally describe myself as demiromantic.

I've been in one relationship. It was an LDR and I didn't go looking for it. It just kinda happened. We met, we hit it off and within a few months confessed feelings. Physical attraction wasn't a significant initial pull for either of us, but did develop into the relationship.

My view is, if I find someone, I am very, very lucky and I will cherish that person for as long as I can. Not all men necessarily want kids (I myself am indifferent), its not a deal breaker. But, it's okay to establish what you both want at the start of the relationship. Find out if there are any deal breakers before you get into it. That could stop both of you from getting hurt.

I wish you luck OP, you certainly are not alone.

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