Marriage, his kids, his family ????? Isit a huge red flag
So I (25) been with my man (37) 3 years he’s never met my family, I don’t think his know about me either as they don’t live in this country.
He has 3kids I never met them and I don’t feel to unless we plan to get more serious like marraige. Personally I wish he didn’t have kids. They’re 3 boys. I don’t care for a relationship with them either. Is this bad of me I’m feeling a huge guilt right now. I sudden had these thoughts. Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority.
I haven’t introduced him to my family because I don’t want them involved sometimes they r not trust worthy and they’re judgemental.
Can I get advice
Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads so will I be ok lol.
Like sorry is my house with him in the future going to be his kids house like no!
He has 3kids I never met them and I don’t feel to unless we plan to get more serious like marraige. Personally I wish he didn’t have kids. They’re 3 boys. I don’t care for a relationship with them either. Is this bad of me I’m feeling a huge guilt right now. I sudden had these thoughts. Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority.
I haven’t introduced him to my family because I don’t want them involved sometimes they r not trust worthy and they’re judgemental.
Can I get advice
Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads so will I be ok lol.
Like sorry is my house with him in the future going to be his kids house like no!
Reply 1
I would say his lack of commitment is a red flag; he's brought 3 children into the world and isn't properly involved in their lives? Why not?
"Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads." The second part is why it can be harder because you're with the dad, you can be seen as a replacement or reason for the split and could get the "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mum."
"Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority." Well, you chose someone where that's not going to happen, so you live with the consequences or move on.
"Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads." The second part is why it can be harder because you're with the dad, you can be seen as a replacement or reason for the split and could get the "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mum."
"Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority." Well, you chose someone where that's not going to happen, so you live with the consequences or move on.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
So I (25) been with my man (37) 3 years he’s never met my family, I don’t think his know about me either as they don’t live in this country.
He has 3kids I never met them and I don’t feel to unless we plan to get more serious like marraige. Personally I wish he didn’t have kids. They’re 3 boys. I don’t care for a relationship with them either. Is this bad of me I’m feeling a huge guilt right now. I sudden had these thoughts. Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority.
I haven’t introduced him to my family because I don’t want them involved sometimes they r not trust worthy and they’re judgemental.
Can I get advice
Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads so will I be ok lol.
Like sorry is my house with him in the future going to be his kids house like no!
He has 3kids I never met them and I don’t feel to unless we plan to get more serious like marraige. Personally I wish he didn’t have kids. They’re 3 boys. I don’t care for a relationship with them either. Is this bad of me I’m feeling a huge guilt right now. I sudden had these thoughts. Because I want my husband first child to be my first child and I want my husband to put me first I want to be his priority.
I haven’t introduced him to my family because I don’t want them involved sometimes they r not trust worthy and they’re judgemental.
Can I get advice
Usally stepmoms to boys isn’t that hard as boys are more close to their mums than the dads so will I be ok lol.
Like sorry is my house with him in the future going to be his kids house like no!
Quote me if I’m wrong but if you want your husband first child to be your first child with your husband putting you in front and as priority then why you with him in the first place and not someone else. You even said yourself his 3 children you don’t care about a relationship with them either that means there’s no interest in a stepmum/step child relationship.
My advice is if that’s what you want based on what you’ve written on the thread look elsewhere. Otherwise come to acceptance that if a relationship between you both goes long term marriage is involved and then becoming step mum to his kids and taking care of them and establishing a bond and relationship.
Come to acceptance and face reality and deal with it since you should have or must have known about the fact he had 3 kids already or otherwise move on.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 3
You're objecting to (living breathing) things that can't be changed and assuming a stepmother relationship would be easy when you aren't really prepared to get involved sounds a bit naive.
I dunno what his relationship with his kids is like but wouldn't be surprised if they're a higher priority that an uncommitted girlfriend.
I dunno what his relationship with his kids is like but wouldn't be surprised if they're a higher priority that an uncommitted girlfriend.
Reply 4
It's pretty normal to want to share all your 1st experiences with eachother. He's already done it.
Sounds like he's not for you for the long run. Especially all that talk about his kids, sounds like they are baggage you're not up for. Which is OK.
Sounds like he's not for you for the long run. Especially all that talk about his kids, sounds like they are baggage you're not up for. Which is OK.
(edited 1 year ago)
Reply 5
The two of you are not compatible about children.
You want to have kids with a guy who does not have any children, you wish that your bf didn’t have kids and you don't want to have a relationship with his 3 kids.
Add a dating dealbreaker that will rule out all guys that already have children or don't want any to maximise compatibility.
There are plenty of compatible single guys in the dating sea.
Good luck!
You want to have kids with a guy who does not have any children, you wish that your bf didn’t have kids and you don't want to have a relationship with his 3 kids.
Add a dating dealbreaker that will rule out all guys that already have children or don't want any to maximise compatibility.
There are plenty of compatible single guys in the dating sea.
Good luck!
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