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want to break up with my boyfriend but i'm too ****ed up to be with anyone else

my good looks are the only thing i have going for me (and even that is kinda ruined now - thanks to a pretty visible scar on my face, after one of our drunken fight). so yeah, good enough for one night stands but i'm no relationship material. i have crippling depression, anxiety, ptsd, you name it. can't go 2 days without xanax. i have a prescription, but to most people it just looks like straight up addiction. no one could ever understand my obsession with being skinny, i cant even touch food with my bare hands because it disgusts me.

who tf wouldnt run away after learning all this? how would i even tell anyone, how do you even start a conversation like that, at what point? even if i like someone, i ditch them as soon as they try to get to know my personality better. it's like a panic thing, i guess.
(edited 2 weeks ago)

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Reply 1
Original post by Ciel.
my good looks are the only thing i have going for me (and even that is kinda ruined now - thanks to a pretty visible scar on my face, after one of our drunken fight). so yeah, good enough for one night stands but i'm no relationship material. i have crippling depression, anxiety, ptsd, you name it. can't go 2 days without xanax. i have a prescription, but to most people it just looks like straight up addiction. no one could ever understand my obsession with being skinny, i cant even touch food with my bare hands because it disgusts me.
who tf wouldnt run away after learning all this? how would i even tell anyone, how do you even start a conversation like that, at what point? even if i like someone, i ditch them as soon as they try to get to know my personality better. it's like a panic thing, i guess.

I know u feel exhausted. I'm in similar shoes. But my life experience tells me that it is better to be single and suffer from being lonely rather than being in a bad relationship - the later you break up, the more cost u will pay for it. If you feel it is too difficult to break up with him, just breaking up with him by texting - I know this is not nice, but it's better than not being able to do it.
Reply 2
Original post by ksj1526
I know u feel exhausted. I'm in similar shoes. But my life experience tells me that it is better to be single and suffer from being lonely rather than being in a bad relationship - the later you break up, the more cost u will pay for it. If you feel it is too difficult to break up with him, just breaking up with him by texting - I know this is not nice, but it's better than not being able to do it.

it's kinda more complicated than that. becauseewe live together. i think i would literally die without his support. but im so unhappy
I'm sorry to hear that ☹️ it sounds like your partner may be abusive? Not sure, but if that's the case please do get the authorities involved.

From what you've said, it looks like your struggles are more internal than external. While it might be good for you to cut off your partner, you need to focus on your recovery. Do you have anyone who can support you with your Xanax addiction? Maybe you could apply for therapy. It seems like you need professional help. I think you might also be struggling with an ED, which could be a major reason for your feelings of depression and anxiety. As someone who has struggled with a minor ED, I've noticed that once I start eating 3 healthy meals a day and get some sunlight and exercise, it is easier to manage my anxiety (I've been in therapy for my anxiety twice without much help, this is the only thing that helped me pull myself out of the pit). I know it's easier said than done, but it is important for you to put some healthy structures in place. Maybe take a break from your partner, go no contact, work on yourself and make this decision.

If this is someone who has supported you through tough times, they might also be feeling burnt out from having to take care of you regularly. That could be the reason your relationship is feeling very stale.

I also wanted to say, scars heal. Scars don't make or break your face. Your beauty comes from the inside ❤️ I hope you get the professional help you need !
Original post by Ciel.
my good looks are the only thing i have going for me (and even that is kinda ruined now - thanks to a pretty visible scar on my face, after one of our drunken fight). so yeah, good enough for one night stands but i'm no relationship material. i have crippling depression, anxiety, ptsd, you name it. can't go 2 days without xanax. i have a prescription, but to most people it just looks like straight up addiction. no one could ever understand my obsession with being skinny, i cant even touch food with my bare hands because it disgusts me.
who tf wouldnt run away after learning all this? how would i even tell anyone, how do you even start a conversation like that, at what point? even if i like someone, i ditch them as soon as they try to get to know my personality better. it's like a panic thing, i guess.

i have a problem like that i am really insure of a lot of me and i have a lot of phobias too but i dont think that should stop me or you from doing something like this so if you want my advice your looks aren't everything and if someone loves you it should be for you as a person
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous #1
I'm sorry to hear that ☹️ it sounds like your partner may be abusive? Not sure, but if that's the case please do get the authorities involved.
From what you've said, it looks like your struggles are more internal than external. While it might be good for you to cut off your partner, you need to focus on your recovery. Do you have anyone who can support you with your Xanax addiction? Maybe you could apply for therapy. It seems like you need professional help. I think you might also be struggling with an ED, which could be a major reason for your feelings of depression and anxiety. As someone who has struggled with a minor ED, I've noticed that once I start eating 3 healthy meals a day and get some sunlight and exercise, it is easier to manage my anxiety (I've been in therapy for my anxiety twice without much help, this is the only thing that helped me pull myself out of the pit). I know it's easier said than done, but it is important for you to put some healthy structures in place. Maybe take a break from your partner, go no contact, work on yourself and make this decision.
If this is someone who has supported you through tough times, they might also be feeling burnt out from having to take care of you regularly. That could be the reason your relationship is feeling very stale.
I also wanted to say, scars heal. Scars don't make or break your face. Your beauty comes from the inside ❤️ I hope you get the professional help you need !

i've tried it all tbh. therapy, countless antidepressants and mood stabilisers. waste of money. i thinks theyve made things worse in the long run

sorry to hear you've been struggling with an eating disorder. i did have some form of an eating disorder when i was in high school. things were bad for a while. not anymore though. nowadays im just obsessed with being skinny. and have these weird food issues/obsessions/restrictions but im not trying to lose weight anymore, i think my weight is perfect now so just wanna maintain it.

you're right, he's definitely sick of my problems. it feels like they've been been the focus of our relationship for years now. its almost weird that he doesnt want to break up. i think it's because he's invested far too much into the whole thing

tbh im kinda vain so its still a big deal deal for me. but thanks, that means a lot.
(edited 2 weeks ago)
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous #2
i have a problem like that i am really insure of a lot of me and i have a lot of phobias too but i dont think that should stop me or you from doing something like this so if you want my advice your looks aren't everything and if someone loves you it should be for you as a person

well, that's the problem. they aren't everything if you want more than a one night stand. which is why i don't think i could ever be with anyone else. i cant imagine talking to any potential future partners about my problems. bc like at what stage are you even supposed to tell them...
Original post by Ciel.
well, that's the problem. they aren't everything if you want more than a one night stand. which is why i don't think i could ever be with anyone else. i cant imagine talking to any potential future partners about my problems. bc like at what stage are you even supposed to tell them...

And that's probably a huge reason I see you post here after almost ten years of being here about the exact same subject as ten years ago. You're not allowing yourself the vulnerability to grow.
Reply 8
Original post by tashkent46
And that's probably a huge reason I see you post here after almost ten years of being here about the exact same subject as ten years ago. You're not allowing yourself the vulnerability to grow.

i don't understand what you mean. i've tried everything, and my life's only gotten progressively worse
Original post by Ciel.
i don't understand what you mean. i've tried everything, and my life's only gotten progressively worse

It sounds like you have what's called an 'avoidant attachment style' in relation to the panic when people get to know you. It also sounds like you should seek help for an eating disorder - I know it's easier said than done. I personally think you are placing too much emphasis on things, yes what you are saying will likely put many people off, but those people are not people you want or need in your life. I'm not saying you will find someone that accepts you because truth is that's a promise no one can make, but there are definitely people out there that would look past such things providing someone was willing to get help - I know because I am one. By avoiding vulnerability you are denying yourself a chance to meet those people.
(edited 2 weeks ago)
Reply 10
Original post by tashkent46
It sounds like you have what's called an 'avoidant attachment style' in relation to the panic when people get to know you. It also sounds like you should seek help for an eating disorder - I know it's easier said than done. I personally think you are placing too much emphasis on things, yes what you are saying will likely put many people off, but those people are not people you want or need in your life. I'm not saying you will find someone that accepts you because truth is that's a promise no one can make, but there are definitely people out there that would look past such things providing someone was willing to get help - I know because I am one.

i don't have an eating disorder anymore. i literally grew out of it. i don't want to lose weight anymore. i still have weird eating habits/obsessions, but i'm happy with my weight now, it's perfect.

i get what you mean but this is the end result. this is me after getting help, lol. so yeah
Original post by Anonymous #3
That's exactly what I am trying to figure out.
At a new work place I do an introduction speech when I tell about my problems and how to deal with it and it seems to work fine. I mean people in the office deal much better with my anxiety compared to the time I didn't make the introduction (during university years). However, when meeting new people for dates I don't know when exactly is the time to say. I plan saying right at the beginning of state but get too nervous to tell. They do notice I am nervous but it is very mild to what it looks in an anxiety attack.
I do have other medical conditions which are much easier for me to talk about and they are much less disturbing and I feel much less that it is my fault I have them so the main problem is the anxiety.
I guess you can talk to your boyfriend about adding a relationship to your exiting one. Do you think he is poly friendly? I mean you need his support, you clearly don't work as a couple (I've noticed that in some of your posts and comments), why not compromising and still have his support while looking for a better relationship elsewhere without hurting him. That way maybe in the longer run he will be better not having to deal with you alone and you will be better having a better relationship. Have you thought about this?
I'm not pushing polyamory but in this case it might be a good step... Maybe just call it a temporary open relationship if you wish.
I think that way you will be less 'afraid' to open up to your new potential partner.
Speak with me. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

This is me, Anon by mistake
Original post by Ciel.
my good looks are the only thing i have going for me (and even that is kinda ruined now - thanks to a pretty visible scar on my face, after one of our drunken fight). so yeah, good enough for one night stands but i'm no relationship material. i have crippling depression, anxiety, ptsd, you name it. can't go 2 days without xanax. i have a prescription, but to most people it just looks like straight up addiction. no one could ever understand my obsession with being skinny, i cant even touch food with my bare hands because it disgusts me.
who tf wouldnt run away after learning all this? how would i even tell anyone, how do you even start a conversation like that, at what point? even if i like someone, i ditch them as soon as they try to get to know my personality better. it's like a panic thing, i guess.

Have you thought of getting some therapy ?. Infact I found a great therapist for someone I know, they are private (Not NHS unfortunately) but only (I say only but as far a usual goes it is cheap) £70 hr. It may be that you can make good progress in a few sessions. They are a mixture of Hypnosis and other techniques, and a very nice lady.
(edited 2 weeks ago)
Don’t think there is a living creature in the world other than him that would put up with you tbh, you’d be mad to leave him.
Reply 14
Original post by Kathy89
This is me, Anon by mistake

it's confusing isn't it? i mean, telling them at the start would probably be easier, in theory, but so awkward at the same time. i don't think i could do that. trauma-dumping isn't really my thing, lol. if someone did that to me id probably run tbh.

but yeah, i'm sure some people can see the signs though. of anxiety etc. like even with benzos, some people can easily tell

i'd love that. a poly relationship i mean. i actually asked him about it a couple years ago. but he finds the whole concept disgusting, unfortunately.
Reply 15
Original post by bewilderedonline
Have you thought of getting some therapy ?. Infact I found a great therapist for someone I know, they are private (Not NHS unfortunately) but only (I say only but as far a usual goes it is cheap) £70 hr. It may be that you can make good progress in a few sessions. They are a mixture of Hypnosis and other techniques, and a very nice lady.

tried therapy in the past, it didn't work. it wasn't hypnosis though, i don't believe in that sort of thing, personally. but yeah he's spent thousands on on my mh and it's only gotten worse. i still see my shrink on a regular basis but only to get prescriptions
(edited 2 weeks ago)
Reply 16
Original post by Little pecker
Don’t think there is a living creature in the world other than him that would put up with you tbh, you’d be mad to leave him.

lowkey agree but you never know : (
Original post by Ciel.
my good looks are the only thing i have going for me (and even that is kinda ruined now - thanks to a pretty visible scar on my face, after one of our drunken fight). so yeah, good enough for one night stands but i'm no relationship material. i have crippling depression, anxiety, ptsd, you name it. can't go 2 days without xanax. i have a prescription, but to most people it just looks like straight up addiction. no one could ever understand my obsession with being skinny, i cant even touch food with my bare hands because it disgusts me.
who tf wouldnt run away after learning all this? how would i even tell anyone, how do you even start a conversation like that, at what point? even if i like someone, i ditch them as soon as they try to get to know my personality better. it's like a panic thing, i guess.

You need to know some go for the looks and some go for someone who ready to open up and be honest. You should give others chance to get to know you and if they don’t stay , you move on with life . You’re in your prime so I’ll rather tell you to give it some shots and you might be lucky to find a perfect one. Also you opened up here and I saw no issues with someone like you, Everyone has crazy flaws so just deal with it and you’ll be okay
Reply 18
Original post by OluwaLynx
You need to know some go for the looks and some go for someone who ready to open up and be honest. You should give others chance to get to know you and if they don’t stay , you move on with life . You’re in your prime so I’ll rather tell you to give it some shots and you might be lucky to find a perfect one. Also you opened up here and I saw no issues with someone like you, Everyone has crazy flaws so just deal with it and you’ll be okay

you'd probably see the issue if you lived with someone like me..... i mean, it's nice of you to say that, but i feel like most people would get fed up very quickly
Original post by Ciel.
it's confusing isn't it? i mean, telling them at the start would probably be easier, in theory, but so awkward at the same time. i don't think i could do that. trauma-dumping isn't really my thing, lol. if someone did that to me id probably run tbh.
but yeah, i'm sure some people can see the signs though. of anxiety etc. like even with benzos, some people can easily tell
i'd love that. a poly relationship i mean. i actually asked him about it a couple years ago. but he finds the whole concept disgusting, unfortunately.

Maybe just talk about the way you feel about your relationship and ask if you could be more open. I mean you are more of close friends with benefits than a couple. Your relationship as a couple is a bit toxic. I mean you are better with him, no doubt about it, but still he is bad for you in some other ways. He makes you feel bad. His existence is hurting you in some other ways, and partly the relationship itself is what causes you that feeling you won't find anyone else. I'm not saying he is doing it on purpose, I actually think it is not on purpose at all, but still it does. At least from what I read in your posts.
Does he know that you feel the way you feel about your relationship?

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