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If anorexia is about control over my life, what do I want to control?

I got everything I ever wanted in this world apart from the fact that I didn't get to study A Levels and people prefer to go the easy way to uni (other routes) but my anorexia started way earlier than that, like when I was reaching puberty.
Speak to a therapist.
Reply 2
Original post by Surnia
Speak to a therapist.

I even have my parents do everything for me, I have disabilities but I think they also don't want me taking on adult responsibilities that I am able to do because whenever I want to wash the dishes my mum would say no let me do it, I have loving parents and my mum can be strict and rude at times and can clash with her but that's it. She treats me and my brother like children but my other sisters have grown up. My brother because he's the only boy and she likes boys over girls. Me because of my rare health condition.
If I am recognising your circumstances then you have made a lot of threads bemoaning your condition and resulting lot in life, (which is a bit at odds with your statement that you've gotten alamost everything you could want in life).

To answer your question, you decide what you want to control. Your condition will make aspects of that challenging and you may require assstance, but as an adult it is well within your means to say to your parents, "I want to make decisions about XYZ".
Reply 4
Original post by Admit-One
If I am recognising your circumstances then you have made a lot of threads bemoaning your condition and resulting lot in life, (which is a bit at odds with your statement that you've gotten alamost everything you could want in life).
To answer your question, you decide what you want to control. Your condition will make aspects of that challenging and you may require assstance, but as an adult it is well within your means to say to your parents, "I want to make decisions about XYZ".

But what have I lost though? People's parents are not overprotective that they willingly do everything for you (then go around blaming me saying I can't do anything). My condition does make life 100x harder for me and I do wish I didn't have a condition that held me back in things but I am still loved and probably loved too much. I do wish I was like others now that I know a lot about it but that's it.
Original post by Anonymous
But what have I lost though? People's parents are not overprotective that they willingly do everything for you (then go around blaming me saying I can't do anything). My condition does make life 100x harder for me and I do wish I didn't have a condition that held me back in things but I am still loved and probably loved too much. I do wish I was like others now that I know a lot about it but that's it.

So other than the impact of your condition things sound fine.

What are you asking in this thread?
Reply 6
Original post by Admit-One
So other than the impact of your condition things sound fine.
What are you asking in this thread?

I am asking why do anorexia treatment teams tell me "I am refusing to eat as a form of control over my life"? I didn't say that they said this to me. But my question is what am I trying to control?
Original post by Anonymous
I am asking why do anorexia treatment teams tell me "I am refusing to eat as a form of control over my life"? I didn't say that they said this to me. But my question is what am I trying to control?


This is about having agency and control over an aspect of your life. It may or may not be true in your case. Or it may only be true to a certain extent.

If people feel micro-managed then they look for ways that they can exert control. e.g. teenagers feel like they have no control over their lives so they stay out late, drink and generally act up. Or a put-upon husband might spend a lot of time walking the dog or in the shed.
Reply 8
Original post by Admit-One
This is about having agency and control over an aspect of your life. It may or may not be true in your case. Or it may only be true to a certain extent.
If people feel micro-managed then they look for ways that they can exert control. e.g. teenagers feel like they have no control over their lives so they stay out late, drink and generally act up. Or a put-upon husband might spend a lot of time walking the dog or in the shed.

What I noticed was when I dropped out of my A Levels I stopped eating and maybe this was my way of exercising control because I never got to finish them and was dead set on them as I was doing well in them, but my anorexia started way earlier like I had issues with my personality (if that makes sense) like it's called emotional dysregulation at age 14 but was bullied by parents, siblings at age 7 and bullied in secondary which is important because that sort of shapes you into an adult. That's the transition period but I never noticed that I wanted control over my life at the age of 7 and above. I noticed the control probably around A Level time when I had to drop out of them. I also didn't used to properly eat when I was studying for GCSE and AS Level exams. I did notice I made excuses around age 15 about food though but I literally had everything in life back then. I also wanted to move down sets in school and I was allowed in science and most people think that's weird but I thought I would struggle with additional science and going down sets due to potential bullying (potential and it may be an overreaction and it's extreme leaving because of one person who may not have come down to my set) and most people think wanting to go down sets is weird because most people beg for a chance when they get told they are going to be put down they would never leave by choice. It did result in me failing science but luckily my maths teacher didn't let me go down but the thing is I sort of felt like studying gave me excessive anxiety (extreme) and made me ill as I didn't eat properly so I wanted to do foundation (reduced content) but I never pass it due to obtaining more marks for a pass so it is best for me to do higher and less marks to pass. Slightly difficult is what I am suited to as well.

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