[21M] I’ve never dated/kissed
I do have girl “friends” (wouldn’t really call them friends cause we only talk at university and almost never hang out), but the idea of a girl finding me attractive seems impossible to me, especially now that i’m starting losing my hair (i’m taking products so hopefully they’ll work)… even though i work out a lot and i’m tall.
I grew up (from 10 to 18 yo) with one only friend, and he was INSANELY good looking. Ofc he got approached a lot and all that stuff. This really influenced the way i look at myself and i’m in a bad place right now.
I grew up (from 10 to 18 yo) with one only friend, and he was INSANELY good looking. Ofc he got approached a lot and all that stuff. This really influenced the way i look at myself and i’m in a bad place right now.
I’d say it’s over but sounds like it never began.
it's not over yet. one of my exes was conventionally shall we say unattractive and never had any gfs before me, but hey he had a month or two of good times. its possible, just wait for the right one
I'm 20f and in the same position (no friends and never had a relationship), I've come to the conclusion that those things just aren't meant for me and that's okay. I'm at my dream uni/doing well there, set up to have a good career and can do things alone. It's unconventional advice when the usual thing is the condescending "there's someone out there for everyone" off people who human connection comes naturally to, but I'd say work on accepting your situation and finding other things in life that are for you even if relationships/close friendships might not be
What's so unattractive about you then? You said that you work out and you're tall so that's fine, but the only problem is that you're losing your hair? I mean there's lots of guys out there without much hair or even bald, but they found someone or even they still look alright
I know how you feel, brother. I’ve had only one romantic partner in my life, and it seems like everybody has had two or three by now, right? My relationship lasted for approximately one year and seven months. Nobody’s shown any romantic interest in me since, and finding that partner feels like a fluke (although I see a strong argument against such a framing of my love life). I’m also balding at the ripe old age of, wait for it, flippin’ twenty-two, and I’m taking products to try and counteract that process. It’s pretty dismal.
That said, we have differences. I’m stout and below average height for a man in the UK. You said you ‘work out a lot and [you’re] tall’. That’s certainly an advantage in terms of appearance haha. Now, I guess other questions may the quality of your outfits when you’re in social settings, whether you’ve got a nice fragrance, a good haircut and your social skills. If all is up to scratch, you should find someone eventually. And although you may deem this maxim (well, sort of) hackneyed to hell and back, sometimes love does find you when you're not looking for it and/or least expect it. Give it some time. I thought I’d never have a partner when I was almost eighteen.
Also, it would appear that we are different in another way: attitude. The more important you consider a relationship to be, the more painful the lack thereof will be. Remember when I implied earlier that everyone around us seems to have had such storied romantic lives? Sure, some people definitely have, but it’s probably not nearly as much as we think. Of course, when we are bereft of something, we tend to notice it a lot more, and that’s certainly proved the case with hair for me. I didn’t used to pay much attention to others’ hair, but I now recently found myself jealous of Sir Keir Starmer for his hair. Are you KIDDIN’ ME RIGHT NOW‽ Haha, I know I wouldn’t have given a sh*t a few years ago. It just goes to show how our minds can play with us. So yeah, perhaps it’s best to heed the sort of approach @Username123ab seems to have taken. It might save you a lot of unnecessary hassle. I know I sort of feel this way a little bit currently, to be perfectly honest with you.
Lastly, sometimes what we desire is not always as good as it looks. I’m going to invoke another cliché here (sorry if this annoys you): the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Seriously, I thought a romantic relationship would make me whole. It didn’t. I occasionally ponder whether I was even prepared for one, but that’s a topic for another day. What you need to know is this: the conversations you overhear, the stories you may get told by your friends, the posts you see on social-media etc. will probably never give you the full picture. And that’s okay. After all, they’re not meant to, but you must be careful not to fall into the trap of actually believing that you do have the full picture, based on nothing more than these external sources, and the perceptions of them, alone. Whether a romantic relationship is really what you want right now should, in my opinion, be food for thought. You don’t want to be the guy, after it’s all come crashing down, asking whether it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Peace out, brother, and I hope you feel better soon. Just don’t feel ashamed or too hurt. You don’t deserve that.
That said, we have differences. I’m stout and below average height for a man in the UK. You said you ‘work out a lot and [you’re] tall’. That’s certainly an advantage in terms of appearance haha. Now, I guess other questions may the quality of your outfits when you’re in social settings, whether you’ve got a nice fragrance, a good haircut and your social skills. If all is up to scratch, you should find someone eventually. And although you may deem this maxim (well, sort of) hackneyed to hell and back, sometimes love does find you when you're not looking for it and/or least expect it. Give it some time. I thought I’d never have a partner when I was almost eighteen.
Also, it would appear that we are different in another way: attitude. The more important you consider a relationship to be, the more painful the lack thereof will be. Remember when I implied earlier that everyone around us seems to have had such storied romantic lives? Sure, some people definitely have, but it’s probably not nearly as much as we think. Of course, when we are bereft of something, we tend to notice it a lot more, and that’s certainly proved the case with hair for me. I didn’t used to pay much attention to others’ hair, but I now recently found myself jealous of Sir Keir Starmer for his hair. Are you KIDDIN’ ME RIGHT NOW‽ Haha, I know I wouldn’t have given a sh*t a few years ago. It just goes to show how our minds can play with us. So yeah, perhaps it’s best to heed the sort of approach @Username123ab seems to have taken. It might save you a lot of unnecessary hassle. I know I sort of feel this way a little bit currently, to be perfectly honest with you.
Lastly, sometimes what we desire is not always as good as it looks. I’m going to invoke another cliché here (sorry if this annoys you): the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Seriously, I thought a romantic relationship would make me whole. It didn’t. I occasionally ponder whether I was even prepared for one, but that’s a topic for another day. What you need to know is this: the conversations you overhear, the stories you may get told by your friends, the posts you see on social-media etc. will probably never give you the full picture. And that’s okay. After all, they’re not meant to, but you must be careful not to fall into the trap of actually believing that you do have the full picture, based on nothing more than these external sources, and the perceptions of them, alone. Whether a romantic relationship is really what you want right now should, in my opinion, be food for thought. You don’t want to be the guy, after it’s all come crashing down, asking whether it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Peace out, brother, and I hope you feel better soon. Just don’t feel ashamed or too hurt. You don’t deserve that.
And just not to seem like a hypocrite...
(edited 11 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I do have girl “friends” (wouldn’t really call them friends cause we only talk at university and almost never hang out), but the idea of a girl finding me attractive seems impossible to me, especially now that i’m starting losing my hair (i’m taking products so hopefully they’ll work)… even though i work out a lot and i’m tall.
I grew up (from 10 to 18 yo) with one only friend, and he was INSANELY good looking. Ofc he got approached a lot and all that stuff. This really influenced the way i look at myself and i’m in a bad place right now.
I grew up (from 10 to 18 yo) with one only friend, and he was INSANELY good looking. Ofc he got approached a lot and all that stuff. This really influenced the way i look at myself and i’m in a bad place right now.
Well damn, now that you're losing your hair I guess it's all over for you! May as well change your name to Shrek and start living in a swamp.
Seriously though - you've kind of answered your own problem. As corny as it sounds, self-love and confidence comes from within. How can you expect someone else to find you attractive if you don't find yourself attractive?
I'd stay away from minoxidil and finasteride, personally. Documented side effects include ED (and more), so it's kind of like making a deal with the devil there! You said you work out and you're tall - so you already have most of the things going for you.
Really just sounds like you need to up your self esteem a bit and go out / socialise a bit more. It sounds counter intuitive but go out with the intention of having fun, instead of scoring, and you'll find that your outcomes change.
Original post by Username123ab
I'm 20f and in the same position (no friends and never had a relationship), I've come to the conclusion that those things just aren't meant for me and that's okay. I'm at my dream uni/doing well there, set up to have a good career and can do things alone. It's unconventional advice when the usual thing is the condescending "there's someone out there for everyone" off people who human connection comes naturally to, but I'd say work on accepting your situation and finding other things in life that are for you even if relationships/close friendships might not be
Why is "there's someone out there for everyone" condescending?
start worrying past 25
Original post by Little pecker
I’d say it’s over but sounds like it never began.
jesus wept
Supplements can help hair. The more you worry and think about why people might not like you or when you would find someone, the harder it will be to do so. To love someone else and vice versa, you have to love yourself enough and be okay with whom and how you are right now without someone. Usually it starts with friends just being friends, unless you're doing dating apps. Once I accepted it was fine to just have a bunch of good guy friends, within the next few months I was asked to be his girlfriend. Hang in there don't give up. People put a lot of pressure on dating ages and sex these days. Save yourself some heart ache with worthless relationships just to also be in the dating world. A lot of people are still finishing college, studying late at night, working 2 jobs or still living with parents even when they are 20-25. Which makes bringing her home even harder.
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