The Student Room Group

Housemates Read my Diary !

So I lived in a house share with my uni mates we lived in a 4 bedroom one of house mates moved out and I was friends with the other 2. Despite over hearing them talk about me a couple of times and being made to feel like **** a fair few times they always opened their arms to me, got me lil things , kind gestures and vice Versa , I’m generally quite a private person and always doubble check that I have locked my bedroom door however this one particular day I was going home to visit my family and was rushed into leaving the hose so I couldn’t remember whether I had locked my door . My uni house mates are welcoming but they have snooped into my other housemate’s room ( the one who left ) without hesitation.I was journaling pretty heavily bac then as I was goin through a dark period and quite angry at the world after dealing with loss etc , my diary spoke about really personal thoughts at the time and over the years, personal struggles I’ve never told anyone ,isolation, dreams , thoughts on my housemates that may have not been the nicest although I never verbalised these thoughts as I knew they were coming from a place of anger, hurt and I was not in the right headspace. When I came back to uni it was quiet late and I really didn’t want to wake anyone it was dark and somehow I had managed to get into my room but AGAIN In the heat of the moment of trying to be quiet I didn’t realise how I got into my room and whether my bedroom was intially locked .I also found a brown hair in my room by my diary when I have black hair . It could have been an old hair but soon after this I noticed my housemates would talk less , we started drifting , they starting sharing less we had a tradition it was custom for us to watch a movie or tv series pretty much everyday and discuss and share what we liked but not once after this moment had they invited me to do the things that made us close . For final year I had previously made a promise to another friend that I’d move in in with her which my housemates were aware of . I don’t know if my housemates have read my diary and what hurts the most is I’ll never know I just feel so violated and I don’t know how to let this go do I ask them, maybe I did lock my door, if not how can I move on from this ? It’s not the same as it used to be they seem more distant and when they do ask to hang it seems like they r doing it for the sake of formalities, the atmosphere is tense and forced or with a group of mutals/ friends made in first year (new housemates ) despite being nice to their faces they do nothing but complain to me about them all the time .i can accept that friends drift apart but the fact there is the potential that they invaded my privacy and then after essentially without my consent reading my diary to finding a lot of personal things, memories , thoughts about them and life I prefer to kept hidden, they then discarded me makes me feel so violated and anxious and makes it 10x worse. I just don’t know what to do im definitely getting a little padlocked diary or never journaling again that’s for sure. I don’t know what to do or how to get over this I’ve lost so many nights sleep over this and it’s been year. I feel so consumed by this Any advice appreciated
Reply 1
Wow.

Right now, they're obviously at fault. A diary is for yourself, and they violated that and now put the blame on you. I'm no therapist, but I would approach them quietly and slowly about the journal. Better to get it out of them so you don't go crazy over assumptions. It might hurt, but temporary hurt is less painful than long-term pain. Then from there, either explain how you feel with them and what you feel about them invading your privacy. At this point, hiding something may be counterintuitive since you want them to understand how you feel, and humans connect together better if they convey emotions. From there, if they understand, then you can begin to mend your friendship, if they don't, then slowly drift away as it will just cause you more pain.

I can't imagine what your going through right now, this almost made me shed a tear
Reply 2
Original post by Noice_1
Wow.
Right now, they're obviously at fault. A diary is for yourself, and they violated that and now put the blame on you. I'm no therapist, but I would approach them quietly and slowly about the journal. Better to get it out of them so you don't go crazy over assumptions. It might hurt, but temporary hurt is less painful than long-term pain. Then from there, either explain how you feel with them and what you feel about them invading your privacy. At this point, hiding something may be counterintuitive since you want them to understand how you feel, and humans connect together better if they convey emotions. From there, if they understand, then you can begin to mend your friendship, if they don't, then slowly drift away as it will just cause you more pain.
I can't imagine what your going through right now, this almost made me shed a tear

Hi thank you for your kind words it feels good to know that I’m not going completely crazy or I’m in the wrong. I feel heartbroken about the situation I think you’re right especially if it’s impacting me this much , im not sure how but I ’ll bring the topic up gently and explain how I feel , why I feel this way and hopefully there is some resolve or closure . It’s quite a big decision to make .Thanks again 🫶🏼
Sounds like you should talk to them.

Never leave anything where it can be tampered with. Your just lucky that your devices and valuable where not missing.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Hi thank you for your kind words it feels good to know that I’m not going completely crazy or I’m in the wrong. I feel heartbroken about the situation I think you’re right especially if it’s impacting me this much , im not sure how but I ’ll bring the topic up gently and explain how I feel , why I feel this way and hopefully there is some resolve or closure . It’s quite a big decision to make .Thanks again 🫶🏼

No problem at all :smile: Maybe if you notice them at one particular moment being distant or mybe you notice a bit of distaste you can ask them what’s wrong? And potentially they’ll say something? It’s really hard to say. But for these situations, I say, and I really mean it, follow your gut and heart.
So, from what I'm reading it doesn't sound anywhere like you have any confirmation that they read it?

Then go ask them what's happened and why they're behaving differently. Don't accuse them of reading it before they admit to it.
Reply 6
Original post by 1582
So, from what I'm reading it doesn't sound anywhere like you have any confirmation that they read it?
Then go ask them what's happened and why they're behaving differently. Don't accuse them of reading it before they admit to it.

They are the type of people to never admit anything they hate confrontation , they had a mate prior to me and apparently she was very rood instead of confronting and talking about their feelings they invited her to pretty much everything they did they will have no probelm acting friendly than facing confrontation . I’m still deliberating whether I should say anything but if I was going to : I was going to explain how I’ve been feeling and why I’ve been feeling this way and hopefully as the conversation progresses address my worries about my diary or anything that’s been bothering them . It’s just crazy how after I left to see my family (not knowing whether my bedroom door was locked ) that they started acting distant .
Reply 7
Original post by 1582
So, from what I'm reading it doesn't sound anywhere like you have any confirmation that they read it?
Then go ask them what's happened and why they're behaving differently. Don't accuse them of reading it before they admit to it.

I agree with this, if you left your door unlocked and they have been snooping in your other roommate’s room before, they have no doubt done the same to you. But if you confront them directly about it, I’m guessing there is no way they will admit to it. It’s a good idea to politely approach them and ask them what is wrong as you feel that their behaviour has changed towards you. If this doesn’t work or they pretend that everything is ok, just keep to yourself and move out as soon as possible. They sound like immature a-holes anyway and I’m sorry this has happened to you. I know journaling can really help if you are going through difficult times, and it’s a shame if they have taken that away from you by violating your privacy. I would recommend getting a padlocked journal or a padlocked box to store the journal in.

Edit: Having said this, there could be a chance that their behaviour is due to an unrelated issue and you did lock your door, considering you are more likely to have noticed if it was unlocked. I also just noticed that you have been worrying about this for a year. It’s understandable that you feel violated and horribly anxious about this, but it’s important to remember that if they did read it, your housemates are the ones at fault, not you. You absolutely have the right to privacy and to write whatever you want in your own private space. Have you talked to someone about this? I think it’s really worth speaking to someone you trust about your worries.
(edited 2 months ago)

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