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What’s wrong w me in relationships.

I’ve wrote many times about it, yet to figure out an awnser to what is wrong w me. I yearn for relationships, yet i find it near impossible to feel an authentic connection to anyone. So, apart from my first relationship, which felt like there was a lag before i triggered an ‘ick’ every other talking stage, i am super anxious at the start, like obsessive, and then once i realize they like me a tiny bit more than maybe i do, i get the ‘ick, every… single time. They don’t do anything, it literally feels like my body rejects anyone that shows me real affection, i hate it, i find it hard to be present and the only time i feel present is when i’m having sex, i don’t like that. All i yearn for is an emotional connection and i can’t find it in anyone, anyone else had this experience, please help. I’ve recently got into a serious relationship after 4 years. She’s not my conventional type but she’s hilarious and attractive, and we get along very well, but just more recently the same avoidant feeling where i constantly thing negatively of them, especially when not in there present just comes up. I hate it, it drains me out. I just want to be satisfied with whom i’m with but it feels like my body just wants to be alone but by brain doesn’t.

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Reply 1
Dear, you are an introvert. This is something that many people struggle with. You like to be alone, and you feel anxious, etc., but this is not something that I can tell you just by reading your text. You should visit a specialist psychologist and tell him whatever you wrote here with your true feeling
Reply 2
Original post by DrMohy
Dear, you are an introvert. This is something that many people struggle with. You like to be alone, and you feel anxious, etc., but this is not something that I can tell you just by reading your text. You should visit a specialist psychologist and tell him whatever you wrote here with your true feeling
I don’t know about that, i need to be social during the day, i feel depressed if i don’t see my friends or have no social interaction, and i’m quite outspoken, so i doubt i’m an introvert maybe both but definitely not just an introvert, it only happens in romantic relationships.
Seems like an avoidant attachment style
Reply 4
Original post by tamil fever
Seems like an avoidant attachment style

Definitely, but i don’t feel fearful, just pure avoidance, everytime i feel like the other has even a tiny but more interest than i have. Must be some subconscious thing. I’ve had multiple therapist but there all useless, has anyone actually overcome ‘avoidance’
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Definitely, but i don’t feel fearful, just pure avoidance, everytime i feel like the other has even a tiny but more interest than i have. Must be some subconscious thing. I’ve had multiple therapist but there all useless, has anyone actually overcome ‘avoidance’

Yea, it probably is an avoidant attachment style. And of course you can overcome it. Maybe if you feel comfortable try and explain the situation to your partner, or seek out some attachment-specific counselling, rather than just a general therapist. I know I’ve heard some pretty good attachment advice from Heidi Priebe on YouTube, but you may not find her helpful. Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
Definitely, but i don’t feel fearful, just pure avoidance, everytime i feel like the other has even a tiny but more interest than i have. Must be some subconscious thing. I’ve had multiple therapist but there all useless, has anyone actually overcome ‘avoidance’

I thinking understanding why it is that you start avoiding people once they show interest might be a great place to start. What is it that you are specifically avoiding. The answer above mine is also great.
Reply 7
Original post by tamil fever
I thinking understanding why it is that you start avoiding people once they show interest might be a great place to start. What is it that you are specifically avoiding. The answer above mine is also great.

I don’t know, i assume i’m scared (though it’s not a conscious feeling) of some sorts to be intimate in a level over sex (i had a very chaotic childhood with no love shown at all, ever) , so therefore i’ll find any reasonable trait a girl has and spin it so it’s negative, i’ll go down a rabbit hole to confirm those thoughts and at times i will feel repulsed like my body rejects them. Now if i have not spoken in a couple days i go back to normal for a bit. I also will get super depressed, although it hasn’t gotten that bad in years if i stick around too long. At least that’s been a pattern, quite literally unstoppable with everyone, i honestly hate it as it’s like i can’t have the thing i want which is that ‘connection’
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know, i assume i’m scared (though it’s not a conscious feeling) of some sorts to be intimate in a level over sex (i had a very chaotic childhood with no love shown at all, ever) , so therefore i’ll find any reasonable trait a girl has and spin it so it’s negative, i’ll go down a rabbit hole to confirm those thoughts and at times i will feel repulsed like my body rejects them. Now if i have not spoken in a couple days i go back to normal for a bit. I also will get super depressed, although it hasn’t gotten that bad in years if i stick around too long. At least that’s been a pattern, quite literally unstoppable with everyone, i honestly hate it as it’s like i can’t have the thing i want which is that ‘connection’

Have you ever tried sharing these feelings and thoughts with your partner/relationship because everything you've written here is an insight into your self, your fears and things to work through and I think it can also establish connection. Or emotional connection which you seem to be avoiding. Also since you're not used to it maybe it makes you uncomfortable and also comes with a range of emotions that you haven't faced before. My advice would be to take it slow or first work through this if you can get someone to talk too etc.

Also you mentioned you go down a rabbit hole to confirm those thoughts so it's also your mind convincing you that the thoughts you have, which is not helpful, is valid.
Reply 9
Original post by tamil fever
Have you ever tried sharing these feelings and thoughts with your partner/relationship because everything you've written here is an insight into your self, your fears and things to work through and I think it can also establish connection. Or emotional connection which you seem to be avoiding. Also since you're not used to it maybe it makes you uncomfortable and also comes with a range of emotions that you haven't faced before. My advice would be to take it slow or first work through this if you can get someone to talk too etc.
Also you mentioned you go down a rabbit hole to confirm those thoughts so it's also your mind convincing you that the thoughts you have, which is not helpful, is valid.

I desperately do want to just be able to open up normally, and i was envision myself before seeing her of me having a talk w her and it going well, but i always freeze in the moment. Man these issues suck haha, just want to be her rock you know what i mean. Like i’m a good person, my morals are right and i’m an honest guy, it’s just when feelings are invovled it’s like child ne is calling out, so much **** i haven’t sorted which I thought but i’m starting to think, these kinda problems are forever.
Original post by Anonymous
I desperately do want to just be able to open up normally, and i was envision myself before seeing her of me having a talk w her and it going well, but i always freeze in the moment. Man these issues suck haha, just want to be her rock you know what i mean. Like i’m a good person, my morals are right and i’m an honest guy, it’s just when feelings are invovled it’s like child ne is calling out, so much **** i haven’t sorted which I thought but i’m starting to think, these kinda problems are forever.
These problems aren't forever if you start to slowly get through it. Maybe like write it to her in text instead? Or whatever is easier for you etc.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve wrote many times about it, yet to figure out an awnser to what is wrong w me. I yearn for relationships, yet i find it near impossible to feel an authentic connection to anyone. So, apart from my first relationship, which felt like there was a lag before i triggered an ‘ick’ every other talking stage, i am super anxious at the start, like obsessive, and then once i realize they like me a tiny bit more than maybe i do, i get the ‘ick, every… single time. They don’t do anything, it literally feels like my body rejects anyone that shows me real affection, i hate it, i find it hard to be present and the only time i feel present is when i’m having sex, i don’t like that. All i yearn for is an emotional connection and i can’t find it in anyone, anyone else had this experience, please help. I’ve recently got into a serious relationship after 4 years. She’s not my conventional type but she’s hilarious and attractive, and we get along very well, but just more recently the same avoidant feeling where i constantly thing negatively of them, especially when not in there present just comes up. I hate it, it drains me out. I just want to be satisfied with whom i’m with but it feels like my body just wants to be alone but by brain doesn’t.

i’m the exact same and idk what to do about it, my first real love was the last person i’ve been able to emotionally connect with and that was 2 years ago nearly (i had a relationship before him but it didn’t feel as strong of connection) ever since nothings felt connecting on that level, and i don’t even like sex anymore bc i don’t feel like it’s a method of emotional affection and connection anymore, ive been getting the ick so easily from virtually nothing with every single person ive tried to get along with ever since i know exactly how you feel. it’s hard to come across but i suppose your body is emotionally adjusting to this person and trying to figure out their intentions, as being an introvert, it sounds like you get hurt easily and like to shut yourself off from damage which is the exact same as me.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve wrote many times about it, yet to figure out an awnser to what is wrong w me. I yearn for relationships, yet i find it near impossible to feel an authentic connection to anyone. So, apart from my first relationship, which felt like there was a lag before i triggered an ‘ick’ every other talking stage, i am super anxious at the start, like obsessive, and then once i realize they like me a tiny bit more than maybe i do, i get the ‘ick, every… single time. They don’t do anything, it literally feels like my body rejects anyone that shows me real affection, i hate it, i find it hard to be present and the only time i feel present is when i’m having sex, i don’t like that. All i yearn for is an emotional connection and i can’t find it in anyone, anyone else had this experience, please help. I’ve recently got into a serious relationship after 4 years. She’s not my conventional type but she’s hilarious and attractive, and we get along very well, but just more recently the same avoidant feeling where i constantly thing negatively of them, especially when not in there present just comes up. I hate it, it drains me out. I just want to be satisfied with whom i’m with but it feels like my body just wants to be alone but by brain doesn’t.


Yo we’re the same😭mine is bc my parents never showed me love so I think when people do actually show that they like me it makes me feel like they’re desperate or something bc I don’t think i’m loveable enough however when they don’t like me as much I get really attached and etc. but yeah idk how to help sorry - I just don’t get into relationships but tbf I am only 18 so it doesn’t affect me as much. Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve wrote many times about it, yet to figure out an awnser to what is wrong w me. I yearn for relationships, yet i find it near impossible to feel an authentic connection to anyone. So, apart from my first relationship, which felt like there was a lag before i triggered an ‘ick’ every other talking stage, i am super anxious at the start, like obsessive, and then once i realize they like me a tiny bit more than maybe i do, i get the ‘ick, every… single time. They don’t do anything, it literally feels like my body rejects anyone that shows me real affection, i hate it, i find it hard to be present and the only time i feel present is when i’m having sex, i don’t like that. All i yearn for is an emotional connection and i can’t find it in anyone, anyone else had this experience, please help. I’ve recently got into a serious relationship after 4 years. She’s not my conventional type but she’s hilarious and attractive, and we get along very well, but just more recently the same avoidant feeling where i constantly thing negatively of them, especially when not in there present just comes up. I hate it, it drains me out. I just want to be satisfied with whom i’m with but it feels like my body just wants to be alone but by brain doesn’t.

have you ever been assessed for a neurodevelopmental disorder?
Original post by tamil fever
Seems like an avoidant attachment style


Psychology? 👀😂
Original post by Anonymous
Definitely, but i don’t feel fearful, just pure avoidance, everytime i feel like the other has even a tiny but more interest than i have. Must be some subconscious thing. I’ve had multiple therapist but there all useless, has anyone actually overcome ‘avoidance’

What makes all the therapists useless, Luca?
Original post by Anonymous
Psychology? 👀😂

Can't expose myself can I
Original post by tamil fever
Can't expose myself can I

Thats forensic psychology
Original post by wanga_wanga
Thats forensic psychology

I don't understand your response btw. But it's related to attachment styles in psychology
Original post by tamil fever
I don't understand your response btw. But it's related to attachment styles in psychology

Did you know that specific personality disorders have all but been eradicated in the diagnostic literature now?

I understand attachment fairly well, well enough to know people conflate things very easily as its another behavioural observational diagnosis.

Nevertheless, it was a joke about exposing yourself.

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