Boyfriend never loved me?
I wanted to share my experience and seek some advice regarding my relationship with X. He's 29 now and I turned 26.
It all began back in 2016 when I first met X through our shared circle of friends through a university social justice society. I was drawn to his charm, good looks, wit, and shared passion for activism and social justice causes. However, while we were close and he was quite flirty with me, it was apparent that he was flirtatious with a lot of female friends and I had also heard about him hooking up. We hooked up twice as well but it wasn't serious.
In 2018, he moved to my home country (Italy) and we got in touch once again and started texting and I also met up with him in Milan. We spent so much time together during Kate summer/early autumn that we ended up hooking up once again and started dating. Everything seemed well, I spent a lot of my breaks and time in Milan with him while also studying in the UK from 2018-early 2020. He sent our pictures to our large set of friends by january 2019 and all our friends knew we were dating. He met my family in Italy and also stayed with them while I was away in the UK. After March 2020, he lived with me and my family in Milan and also with another couple friend of ours.
There was, however, a strange part about him that I had noticed. Before leaving for Italy, he had told our mutual friend that he was going to Milan to find the love of his life. However, after we started dating and the same friend asked him if he found the love of his life, he simply said he found "someone" and didn't say that I was the love of his life. I also noticed that there were times when he didn't seem to find me attractive and I had to ask him multiple times if my outfits or haircuts looked nice. He also never stared at me and even our friends said that we looked distant in person but great in our online photos.
A friend of his told me that in summer 2017 he had met an indian girl at the university whim he had declared was the love of his life, soul mate etc and how he experienced love at first sight for her. He would constantly praise her looks to our friends and said she was the "one" for him. He was so smitten that he called her moon, venus, goddess because of her looks. However, something happened between them and they could never have a relationship but our friend said X truly wanted a relationship with her and because of misunderstandings and lack of communication from his side, they couldn't be together. The girl had tried to fix things but he ran away from her. According to him, he has regretted his decision ever since he left her.
In 2019, 2020, and 2022, I noticed that X demeanor around her remained serious and intense. He crossed paths with her 3 times and each time I saw that he made eye contact with her. It was as if he instinctively knew she was arriving because once we were talking by the lift and his back was facing the lift. However the moment the lift opened, she walked away and at the same time he also turned to look at her and made eye contact with her until she walked away. 2nd time, he came face to face with her and once again he made eye contact with her and was about to say something until she looked away from him.
He had also tried crossing paths with her when he saw her outside but she had not seen him and walked away.
In December 2022 when we visited the university for my graduation ceremony, I saw them come face to face in front of the door and I saw him looking at her while she opened the door. She smiled and said hello but he was very serious and nodded. After 2 days, I was sitting and chatting with him at the reception and just as the sliding doors opened, I saw him immediately turn and she was entering. Instead of looking away from her, he kept looking at her until she walked away.
I tried asking him who she was but he diverted the topic and then our friends came over to take us out for dinner. We left the UK in January and we are still together but I have begun to notice a change in him. I have asked him to join me at a UK university for a PhD but he has refused and said since he's a dual national of the USA, he wants to study there and not return to London.
This has caused a lot of friction between us as I cannot maintain a long distance relationship again and that too during a PhD. I have also found out that he has befriended another girl from India in New Jersey when he went there for his orientation program all while still keeping our couple selfie on his WhatsApp.
I dont know what is this. Did he ever have feelings for me? Or does this mystery girl still roam in his mind?
It all began back in 2016 when I first met X through our shared circle of friends through a university social justice society. I was drawn to his charm, good looks, wit, and shared passion for activism and social justice causes. However, while we were close and he was quite flirty with me, it was apparent that he was flirtatious with a lot of female friends and I had also heard about him hooking up. We hooked up twice as well but it wasn't serious.
In 2018, he moved to my home country (Italy) and we got in touch once again and started texting and I also met up with him in Milan. We spent so much time together during Kate summer/early autumn that we ended up hooking up once again and started dating. Everything seemed well, I spent a lot of my breaks and time in Milan with him while also studying in the UK from 2018-early 2020. He sent our pictures to our large set of friends by january 2019 and all our friends knew we were dating. He met my family in Italy and also stayed with them while I was away in the UK. After March 2020, he lived with me and my family in Milan and also with another couple friend of ours.
There was, however, a strange part about him that I had noticed. Before leaving for Italy, he had told our mutual friend that he was going to Milan to find the love of his life. However, after we started dating and the same friend asked him if he found the love of his life, he simply said he found "someone" and didn't say that I was the love of his life. I also noticed that there were times when he didn't seem to find me attractive and I had to ask him multiple times if my outfits or haircuts looked nice. He also never stared at me and even our friends said that we looked distant in person but great in our online photos.
A friend of his told me that in summer 2017 he had met an indian girl at the university whim he had declared was the love of his life, soul mate etc and how he experienced love at first sight for her. He would constantly praise her looks to our friends and said she was the "one" for him. He was so smitten that he called her moon, venus, goddess because of her looks. However, something happened between them and they could never have a relationship but our friend said X truly wanted a relationship with her and because of misunderstandings and lack of communication from his side, they couldn't be together. The girl had tried to fix things but he ran away from her. According to him, he has regretted his decision ever since he left her.
In 2019, 2020, and 2022, I noticed that X demeanor around her remained serious and intense. He crossed paths with her 3 times and each time I saw that he made eye contact with her. It was as if he instinctively knew she was arriving because once we were talking by the lift and his back was facing the lift. However the moment the lift opened, she walked away and at the same time he also turned to look at her and made eye contact with her until she walked away. 2nd time, he came face to face with her and once again he made eye contact with her and was about to say something until she looked away from him.
He had also tried crossing paths with her when he saw her outside but she had not seen him and walked away.
In December 2022 when we visited the university for my graduation ceremony, I saw them come face to face in front of the door and I saw him looking at her while she opened the door. She smiled and said hello but he was very serious and nodded. After 2 days, I was sitting and chatting with him at the reception and just as the sliding doors opened, I saw him immediately turn and she was entering. Instead of looking away from her, he kept looking at her until she walked away.
I tried asking him who she was but he diverted the topic and then our friends came over to take us out for dinner. We left the UK in January and we are still together but I have begun to notice a change in him. I have asked him to join me at a UK university for a PhD but he has refused and said since he's a dual national of the USA, he wants to study there and not return to London.
This has caused a lot of friction between us as I cannot maintain a long distance relationship again and that too during a PhD. I have also found out that he has befriended another girl from India in New Jersey when he went there for his orientation program all while still keeping our couple selfie on his WhatsApp.
I dont know what is this. Did he ever have feelings for me? Or does this mystery girl still roam in his mind?
Replies are greatly appreciated
As well as a right person, there is also a right time for someone to commit. Also relationships can burn out, without necessarily undermining their importance or intensity of when things were great. Some combination of things hasn’t come together for the long term here. The thing to do is to bank the good times, take the learning and move forward. New and better love comes
Original post by Zarek
As well as a right person, there is also a right time for someone to commit. Also relationships can burn out, without necessarily undermining their importance or intensity of when things were great. Some combination of things hasn’t come together for the long term here. The thing to do is to bank the good times, take the learning and move forward. New and better love comes
What about the other girl??? Was he still attracted to her or something??
Original post by Anonymous
What about the other girl??? Was he still attracted to her or something??
The willingness to commit to one partner is about the right fit and the right time. Some people also value novelty more than settling down. In reality there is not just one dream partner there are many. It seems to me that your instinct is correct and he still wants to look around him. It will do your self esteem good in the long term if you are decisive now
(edited 11 months ago)
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