The Student Room Group

Lack of male attention in yr13

I’m currently in yr13 and im a female.
I’m a very hard worker and I’m predicted all A*s in my alevels. I work so hard because I want to make the most of my life and I have huge goals that I want to achieve when I’m older. I want a good job and a good salary.

My friends however, are quite the opposite of me. Both of my friends are getting Us and Es and Ds in their mocks but they both have boyfriends and that’s all they ever talk about to me. This boy did this and that boy did that.

I have been asked out a few times and some guys have told me they liked me. I would say I’m decently pretty. I’m not ugly but I am quite a tall female. But I feel really excluded for some reason.
I am brown, so that may be a large sector as obviously white people are attracted to white people and I go to a predominantly white peoples school.
The people of my culture in the school have asked me out and told me they liked me, even though I’ve never uttered a word to them in my life.

I don’t want a boyfriend now. That is possibly the worst thing I could do right now and I want to be with someone who is on the same level as me mentally - with the same goals and ambitions in life.
And I know that I’m most likely not going to find that in a school full of messing about people.
And so I do NOT want a relationship right now and my parents forbid it for now

But with my friends constantly saying ‘I’m texting to this guy’ and ‘this guy fancies me and is interested in me’ ‘I kissed 5 guys at a club’ ‘he touched me and kissed me’
Idk why I feel so left out?
Like I’m not worthy.

I want a respectable and pure relationship when I’m older and i want to date for marriage only.
I don’t get why I keep telling myself that I’m not good enough it’s so stupid
Reply 1
Hello! I'm in Year 12 so I can kind of relate to the college thing. It's amazing that you're working so hard and getting these amazing grades (I've only just started to properly revise lol) I also feel the same way with my friends who do talk about their boy problems a lot. I always listen to them and give them advice but I also feel like ''huh, I feel a bit left out.''

Here's my belief on things: Relationships are very complicated and require a lot of maintenance and attention. In college- this is probably one of the worst places to pick out a partner. You are so right with the ''full of messing around people.'' Also everyone being mostly white. Being in a relationship right now whilst you are also focusing on your education would probably be a slow descend into chaos, because as you go into the relationship, you will uncover more obstacles (as there in every relationship) which you will be forced to deal with alongside education. So best leave it till you get to uni, because you will find more like-minded people there. If guys ask you out and you have no feelings for them just turn them down. If people ask about your boy life then you can tell them you turn men down because you're focused on studies (that way you won't feel bad about being left out as i shows you have control over your situation and have chosen what you want)

It's not fun to listen to friends who yap about their boy problems all the time. When my close friend talks about her problems, I always listen but I get tired. I want to tell her to focus on herself. She just broke up with her lazy man who I was telling her to break up with long before (he didn't offer anything to her, he was lazy, left college early and stayed in his smelly room all day) and she was trying to ALREADY find new people on Snapchat. She was already talking to new guys. Like girl- just stay single for a bit. People are obsessed with having their perfect other or having ANYBODY at this point. You don't need to at this point. Let them yap, and give them advice. You're actually collecting valuable experience and knowledge on relationships at the same time.

Your friends will eventually breakup with these guys and where will they be left? Single AND with low grades. However if you focus on yourself and get the grades you want, you'll probably find someone like minded in Uni and then your friends will be the ones watching you with good grades and a good man. It's reasonable to want to fit in and also feel like you're part of the group when it comes to boys but if you think about it logically, it will not benefit you at all an you can remind yourself of how it will just be chaos if you do. These girls are obviously more interested in their social life than their future life- so just let them be.

I think you're doing really well so far from the sound of things. Boys are not the start or end of the world, you are. So keep doing what you're doing and remind yourself that a boy right now will not help you at all, will not benefit you apart from having physical contact and someone to text. (Those things you can find in the future) Good luck :smile:

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