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Painful friendship breakup - advice needed

Hello! It's been 2 months since a friendship breakup with a friend that I have known since Year 7. I am in my first year of college now.
This is a very long post so I apologise in advance. I'll tell you how the events unfolded:

It was some day in December, coming up to Christmas. I had brought in Christmas presents for her and her friend who I hung out with. That morning I gave it to her. We were hanging out in a little group with some other friends I knew. She was acting normally, but a little quiet. I didn't think anything of it because she had started to be a little quiet around me anyways.

During lunch, we went to the art room to hangout. I ate my lunch and was just hanging out with them, when my friend, let's call her Jane (not her real name), asked me to sit down. I joked 'I hope I'm not in trouble'' with her, but she didn't reply. Then I started wondering what was going on.

I sat opposite to her and she starts by saying ''So I've started to resent you lately..'' I just stared at her, really surprised. I felt calm at first but I wanted to see what else she had to say. She started telling me all the reasons she had started to dislike me bit by bit.

I don't remember all the reasons as she was going fast, but some of them included her feeling betrayed by me, because I often told other people things about her (let me explain this one: I had told a friend that she wore extensions and the friend didn't know. When Jane found out she felt hurt because she wanted her hair extensions to be a secret. Another example was I told her recently new boyfriend that she liked being paid for. when i told him that I had in mind her high standards of men and wanted to hint to him that he should be a gentleman but i guess she and he took that the wrong way because he showed Jane the messages and she got upset? )

Other reasons were that she felt like she was constantly being an older sister for me and looking out, that I kept making her and her friend go out for food and kept stealing their food (stealing a chip or something), that I kept saying embarrassing things (such as saying my mum got me these cute new boots from a charity shop?) Stuff like that. She said more and expanded on them I just can't remember.

Jane said she knew I didn't mean her harm and my psychology wasn't to harm her. I was glad she understood because If I had known I was doing all these things I would have immediately tried to change. However she told me all these years she hadn't told me a single thing because she hated conflict. I was a bit angry because I felt like she should have told me. I had started to cry but she was just watching me not really saying anything. We had to move out of the art room because a class was starting in there (we both had a free period after lunch that day) and went to the library to continue this weird discussion which wasn't really an argument but not really a conversation either. It was her talking about all her emotions, me saying a few things like ''I'm glad you told me'' and crying a bit more.

After that, I expected us to still be friends but have some distance or something. But instead, she blocked me and removed me off EVERYTHING (social media and apps) and avoided me at college! I can't explain how upset I was.. this girl I had gone through bullying with her in Years 7-10 and went to Prom with her in Year 11 (she did my makeup and we went together and stayed together the whole event), had picnics with her and hung out with her. She never invited me to her house the whole time I knew her thought, which was weird. I thought she was embarrassed of her house or something. She never did video calls either) I had felt so close to her and dumped me, just like that.

I was so upset- I didn't understand how she could just do that. Did she have no remorse? Then, some days later her boyfriend texts me asking me if Jane was Ok because she hadn't talked to him in ages. I informed him of the breakup and he was shocked but also understanding. You see, Jane had talked to him for quite a while no about leaving me. She had told him things like ''I'm thinking of leaving her''. He told me how he thought it was really messed up of her. A few days later he tells me that they broke up- no surprise there. Jane didn't really seem to stick with the boyfriends she had. It seemed to me like she had attachment issues with people, even people she was close with. Maybe that's why she could shut em out so easily.

I had told my parents everything that happened, right from that day in December when I came back. They were angry at her and definitely on my side. Even my dad thought she was a bit psychotic. There were so many signs I missed because I have bad social awareness.

I told one of my other close friends who I have known since Year 9 and she was really shocked as well. I remember being on a video call with her and crying about it. However, a few days later I didn't really feel much. The weeks following that my emotions changed, sometimes I felt so angry and wanted to have a proper conversation, and other times I felt forgiving and jut wanted to ask her more questions, because the day she told me all that I was frozen in shock even thought I had a lot to ask.

I had gone to class crying that day because it was straight after the free period and so I kind of had to explain what had happened to my classmates (who are all really nice, there's 11 of them in my Childcare class)

Now when I see Jane in the corridors or about she doesn't look at me or even talk to me. It's so awkward because my classmate knows friends from her class so they talk- it's all just mixed up and complicated and my main issues is that after all this how do I move forward, especially when I see her everywhere.

If you read the whole story thank you so much- I love writing so I just wanted to make sure I wrote everything I remember down(there's more details but If I added this would turn into a whole wattpad story)

Does anyone have some advice? Thanks so much <
Reply 1
Leaving a friend who you thought you were close with can be hard and that's totally okay! Although it's going to be hard to avoid her, a good way to try and get over it is by acceptance. You need to accept everything that has happened, good AND bad. Yes, you've had amazing memories with her, but you got into a disagreement, shes made you sad and she thinks you've hurt her. BUT, you're moving on now. You got people who support you and good friends and that's what matters. Whenever you see her, see it in this way: you've had history, but it's all in the past now. It can't be changed but it's up to you how you view it. It might be hard at first, but when more time goes past it might make more sense. I hope this helps and I'll try and offer more advice if I can 🙂
Reply 2
Original post by dhqnyq
Leaving a friend who you thought you were close with can be hard and that's totally okay! Although it's going to be hard to avoid her, a good way to try and get over it is by acceptance. You need to accept everything that has happened, good AND bad. Yes, you've had amazing memories with her, but you got into a disagreement, shes made you sad and she thinks you've hurt her. BUT, you're moving on now. You got people who support you and good friends and that's what matters. Whenever you see her, see it in this way: you've had history, but it's all in the past now. It can't be changed but it's up to you how you view it. It might be hard at first, but when more time goes past it might make more sense. I hope this helps and I'll try and offer more advice if I can 🙂

HI, thanks for replying! I am getting over it quite well and I'm not really upset about it. I think I have more questions for her but I guess I won't ever really know. I think accepting is it a very big thing which I'm trying to do right now. I gotta let go even if I have a lot of questions. Whenever I see her in the corridor it's rather awkward but I'll deal with it, college only lasts for another year or so and after that I doubt I'll ever see her again in my life. It's a bit sad as I had hoped to drift away instead of this very abrupt breakup, but if that's what she wants so be it. I will move on with my life and focus on myself
Reply 3
At least you know what to do- Focusing on yourself and the people who care about you :smile: Your college year will fly by and you wont have to see her which may remove some weight off your shoulders xx best wishes for your future!

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